Please define “Partner” for me

I’ve been with dp for 20 years, we have 3 children, but we aren’t married, so I refer to him as my partner.

Boyfriend, fiancé, husband.

I don't like 'partner'.

A friend of mine calls all her current bloke ( of about 3 months) partner. She said to me recently ‘I know we’re just shagging but I feel a twat saying boyfriend when I’m 48.’

I think he was! I’d have a flippin’ fit if a bloke I was seeing referred to me as his “partner”. It has to be a two-way thing!

@bunnyhair - be a proud wife! I’m not adapting to judgy young people’s terms - what goes around comes around and I reckon GenZers will be galloping to the altar as rebellion against “partners”.

Partner is someone who you are in a committed and equal relationship with.

Better word for boyfriend/girlfriend

I see ‘partner’ used among younger people as a gender-neutral term for boyfriend/girlfriend/nonbinaryfriend - not necessarily implying anything about exclusivity or length of relationship.

I’m old enough to remember when it meant ‘same sex live-in lover I’m not allowed to be legally married to’

(I sometimes refer to DH as my partner when I’m talking to young people who will take against me as a surrendered sell-out to the patriarchy if they know I’m married.)

When I hit about 28 I felt silly saying 'boyfriend' even when my chap at the time lived long distance due to work. Our intentions were serious and we put a lot of effort into maintaining the relationship even though had separate households.

Currently my DP and I live together, share two cats and all life admin etc and will probably get married although this isn't an urgent goal for us personally. For me it's a life stage thing. I also associate the word 'boyfriend' with relatives crowing and teasing 'is that your boyfriend?' when I was a shy child and embarrassing me so I am quite happy to move away from it to something more solid and mature

Both me and DP are middle aged, but don't live together. Boyfriend/girlfriend sounds childish to me, so I refer to him as my partner.

I’m with you OP, my boyfriend was my boyfriend until we moved in together which is around the same time I started calling him my partner. I look at it as having a shared life together, so a partnership in that sense.

I think it sounds rather hopeful when people have only known someone five minutes.

Dh’s serial-dating friend brought round his latest gf. She kept referring to him as “my partner”. They had been dating three weeks! It didn’t last three weeks more…

My understanding is the same as yours.

When dh and I were dating, he was my boyfriend. Because we didn't live together or have shared commitments, financial or otherwise. When we got engaged, I called him my fiance, because we were engaged, but still didn't live together or have any shared commitments, other than a wedding that was booked.

BIL has a partner who he now lives with. They have a cat, a house (his house, but they treat it as theirs), shared bills, etc. He calls her his partner. But when they didn't live together and were first dating, she was his girlfriend. They have no plans to ever marry or have children. So are as committed as they will be in a technical sense.

I think people like to use the term partner to signify a closeness in a new ish relationship when there maybe isn't one because it makes them feel more grown up and like it's more serious than it is though.

My partner is literally that because we have a civil partnership. But even before we did, I called him partner rather than boyfriend because we have lived together for years and boyfriend felt juvenile, and husband plain wrong. However I do call his family my in-laws, even though that may infer marriage, because I have never landed on better terminology. I think partner is quite inclusive, because it can mean either gender and cover a range of relationship types.

I'm gay and "partner" used to be a trigger for my gaydar when guys my age or younger used it. To be fair, it turned out to be true more often than not.

In reality though, it can mean different things to different people. Relationships are on all kinds of terms these days now that getting married young isn't the norm. I generally find it's mostly people who feel like they're too old to use the term "boyfriend" or "girlfriend".

But it still stands that it's a go-to for some LGBTQ+ people who want to be ambiguous in certain settings, even if they do say boyfriend or girlfriend elsewhere.

I'm with you OP, I thought the word partner was the equivalent of the Swedish word "sambo" which means "person you are co-habiting with under marriage-like circumstances". (We also have "särbo" which means "we're in a very committed relationship but for various reasons choose to live separately" or possibly "very committed but much too old for the word boyfriend/girlfriend".)

I vote for "lover" pronounced lovvaaaahhhhh :grin:

To be fair, I/we tend to use 'optional accessory' with other women 'in the know' and for whom the term 'wife' makes us gag.

If someone uses the word 'partner' - i would assume that they were older (40 years up) rather than the term 'boyfriend/girlfriend'

Together 4 years, don't live together, in our 50's, we consider each other partners

Someone I fuck judging by posts on here

My DP and I have never shared a house. 'Living apart together' is more common than people think. 30 years and counting.

Same with us!

Been with mine for over 30 years and I use 'partner' because we are marriage free and I don't want the word 'wife' on my CV.

Is this another thread designed to infantilise and bash those who are not married scripters?

My DP and I have never shared a house. 'Living apart together' is more common than people think. 30 years and counting.

I think it is up to the individuals.

Not mine or anyone else’s place to define someone else’s relationship🤷‍♀️