I fear my marriage is in danger

If you stay with this man you will never have sex and never have children.

Even leaving aside all the other waving red flags (and there are many), those two would be absolute dealbreakers for me, and I’m sure would have been for you if you had known about them at the beginning.

you keep mentioning you love him multiple times in your post. it's almost as if you are trying to convince yourself

sorry but this guy is not for you (or anyone) it's not your job to fix him. you should consider ending this relationship. and then he should work on himself

not telling you he cannot have a normal sexlife price to marriage is downright dishonest.

This is why I don't think no sex before marriage is a good idea. How can you know if you are compatible with your partner in the bedroom? I don't think you shiould have children with him even if he gets this fixed. You have different expectations and goals. You want more he is happy plodding.

I'd get a divorce. He's not going to change, in fact he'll probably get worse with age. If it bothers you (which presumably it does) then I think non consumation is grounds for divorce for Christians.

He's a con man.

I'd look into having your marriage annulled.

Terribly un Christian behaviour from him.

If you want the chance of DC and enjoying marriage and/or co-parenting, would get out of this relationship as soon as possible.

Op, read what you wrote. You already know you need to end this marriage. You will have nothing but crushing regret if you don't. You've already wasted so many years on him, please don't waste any more, not to mention your fertility.

Hmm, it sounds like ye are on different pages and that's he's possibly taking you for granted a bit, which can happen over time. Does he want children too? And is it dependent on him getting a better job? Maybe ye could work on getting romance back in ye'r lives. Have a few date nights, talk about your vision for the next few years and get a sense of where he's at. Mention the financial cost of kids and what it might entail without mentioning his current job. (Maybe he's happy in his job). See how the conversation goes and his enthusiasm for the whole thing. Good luck

You don't get sex, resent his low earnings and he doesn't pull his weight with housework, shopping cooking or life planning. Plus you don't find him attractive. He's running a long con on you re children.

Is it your religion that makes you feel the commitment of marriage should be stuck to or do you genuinely believe he will change and become the man you believed him to be with the future he actually promised you?

He's broken your marriage vows he has not loved or honoured you he's lied and conned you.

There is no reason to stay in this unfullfilling marriage. Time to call it quits.

that is a really sad post to read OP.

This marriage is not giving you anything.

He obviously needs counselling and treatment, for depression, for his foreskin issues, for his lack of self worth.
I do think it is possible that if he committed to counselling, then he could change, but that is a veyr big IF.

So I would be sitting down with him and saying - marriage counselling, individual counselling and action, or the marriage is over. 6 months to action those or that's it. Otherwise you are looking to a long lonely future and no kids either.

You say you are both Christians, is there anyone in your church who would help you talk this through? Many churches have pastoral support/counsellors available. That may be a first step. BUT I also know of churches which would not be helpful - they would be taking the line of you are married so deal with it. Choose carefully.

All I can say to that is he isn't behaving like a Christian. How religious is he really? Or is it the case that you are and he pretended to be because it suited his purpose?

He reminds me of those women who go to church on Sunday in their fancy hats and then spend the rest of the week bitching about other people.

Throw this one back in OP - he isn't the one for you.

All marriages have some bad patches, but if you've been unhappy with these issues for six years, that's most of your relationship that he's failed to address weight, employment and sexual dysfunction despite you repeatedly asking him and expressing your concern. It's not fair on you to be with someone who refuses to respond to your needs indefinitely.

It sounds like he had relevant information that you weren’t party to before you married, that he deliberately didn’t share (sexual dysfunction) as he wanted the perks of marriage. He has now got these perks, so feels he needs to do nothing else.

i have seen this play out in another persons life. The guy was ‘let go’ by his employer a few weeks before his marriage ( in his early 20’s). He sat back and never worked schijn while his wife ran around earning. It was a complete mess. She should have got out far earlier than she did.

How would you take ML if you had to rely on his salary? How would you expect any help or equal sharing of parenting if he can't even do the basics? How many years do you wait before you realise your clock is ticking very fast and each month you have missed another chance? This is all before even having a child. I would say leave now. He could sort himself out in the next 2-3 years, leave you and go on to have kids but for you it could be well and truly over.

Ummm. Delicate question but have you actually had penetrative sex since you've been married? If not your marriage is considered "voidable".

If you want a family there is no way possible that you can stay with your husband. He won't have sex with you, and that's clearly not going to change. I think you need to consider the possibility that your husband is asexual or even gay and that you are his beard. Your marriage is fraudulent. He has duped you.

He lied to you, saying he wanted and was capable of having children. He now is saying he has a physical illness that prevents him having any sexual contact whatsoever? That seems like a total deal breaker. I honestly think you should leave him. He is not capable of fulfilling any of your needs and seemingly doesn't particularly care. You deserve so much better.

Run. I've wasted 10 years on a man similar to your partner- there's always an excuse and I've had enough.

Op, this isn't a marriage.

I feel like you probably love him by habit rather than by virtue. For me, there are too many issues in this relationship, all caused simply by the kind of person he is. At 35yrs old, that is unlikely to change.

I think the really stark message is that you won’t have kids with him. And if you did, he certainly wouldn’t change his behaviour as he seems unable to without the added pressure of a baby. It’s very sad but ultimately you need to look after yourself and that’s not a selfish act. It’s an act of self preservation.

This man has conned you and played you from the beginning.

You need to leave him. I would do so immediately.

None of this is going to change OP. If he hasn’t sorted out the sex issue yet he’s never going to and obviously isn’t bothered. Sounds like he’s just making excuses as well if the doctor didn’t think it would stop him having sex. The fact he didn’t tell you this before marriage is terrible as well! Even if he magically sorts this out wouldn’t it be really awkward and weird to start having sex 8 years into your relationship?!

Likewise if he hasn’t persued a higher paying job yet he’s probably not going to, he’s comfortable where he is.

I would have an honest discussion with him and tell him you are not happy with the above issues and are thinking of separating. If you stay with him you won’t have children I don’t think and you’ll likely grow very resentful.