ASD DD struggle with transition from home to school

They have phoned me this morning to say if she won't go in within 5 minutes then I'll have to 'take her away and come back later.'

Thats appalling OP.

In my child’s school, they give the option of going to the welfare room when they first come in which can help some children ease into the day. They can join lessons later once they feel more settled.

They also do things like a pass to leave a lesson and go to the welfare room at any point they need to, the option to avoid noisy dinner halls etc.

These things come under reasonable adjustments.

I would meet with the SENCo and pastoral team and see what they can offer.

They will have dealt with this situation before. I think they’re trying to scare you and you child into conforming, which obviously often doesn’t work when a child is genuinely feeling anxious and is struggling.

More time for transitions, and/or a different start/end time to avoid busy times
Transition object(s)
Transition activity (stop at shop, stop at park, listen to headphones)
Sensory breaks throughout the day, and a safe space to go to (like a sensory room or quiet area).
A transition space in the morning, for some kids a breakfast club works, but this could also be a sensory room, the school library, a music room, a computer room etc.
Hall pass for unplanned breaks if she is finding the classroom overwhelming.
A reduced timetable (the mornings are less overwhelming if you know you're coming home at lunch time, for example)

Can she go early and do something like library monitor.

Does she have an EHCP? If not, I would start the application process.

I feel some of these responses are not right for an autistic child (I have experience of this)

It's sadly common for children who coped in primary to be unable to cope in secondary.

OP - what is the senco offering in terms of her entire day at school?

this is probably not about transition or a 'special object' ! but about the entire school experience.

Rather than focusing on the moment of her going in - are you absolutely sure that she is able to cope in this school?

Is it too overwhelming for her? Too much to cope with? this. is that point at which sadly many ND kids end up falling out of education

the idea of 'one day off' a term is just not appropriate for a child who may literally be unable to cope day in day out.

I have an autistic child on a flexi timetable (this is considered a reasonable adjustment by Dfe look on their website)

She is anxious, she feels anxious and you can’t bribe/threaten/guilt/plead/force/reward that away. It’s not a choice to feel like that and therefore she can’t choose to go in to school without a fuss. When she has a ‘good’ day it’s because she isn’t feeling as anxious. In my experience schools think that because the child goes in okay on some days they are choosing to resist going in on the other days.
It’s not that she won’t go in, she can’t go in.
You need to investigate the cause of the anxiety and try and address that. It depends how supportive the school is, but what she needs is an adult and an area that she feels safe with. Will they let you take her into school to a ‘safe’ room where you can hand her over to a supportive adult?
Once you feel anxious the only way to get rid of the chemicals swirling around your body is exercise or relaxation. She can’t just stop feeling anxious, she has to wait for it to subside.

I think these things are all individual but some 'tricks' that worked for mine

• allowed a day off each term. Once she knew she could stay at home if things were really bad it eased the pressure. But as it was only one day per term she had to pick the 'worse' day, it helped her decide which days were just shite, and which days were the shittest.
• a bit like the park idea above but somewhere in the school - not reception - somewhere quieter that she can go to first to acclimatise. God love the librarian at her school who created a space for those kids that needed it! She would rush through the hall into the library and spend 15/20 minutes there getting her balance then go to her form room. Waiting around in the reception for the LSA may just be overwhelming for her.

Good luck, its heartbreaking to see your kid so overwhelmed

Maybe have a look in to this bloody secondary school?

Might they be locking the toilets, shouting at her and making her feel unpleasant???

(for example)

Yy to transitional object.

Contrarily go earlier introduce a buffer stop between home and school. Stop in the play park stop for a milk shake. Breaks the transition into smaller bits.

Check it is actually working at school.

Not hugely practical, but can help if you can get her in the building:

A transitional object - something from home that is small enough to fit in her pocket and touch for reassurance - a lucky stone / button etc.

I drew a small biro smiley face / heart / 'hi!' on my DDs palm so she could hold it / touch it / see it when she was stressed / missed me. I let her draw one on me when she was littler and she believed that when she touched hers I knew too. I'd say things like, 'yes, when was it again? Was it when you were sitting down?... ' worked when she needed it.

I sprayed my perfume onto her wrist / sleeve - she could smell it for comfort. When stressed she still sometimes brings her teddy before bed at night for a spray - and she's a mid-teen now.

Savlon! She associated the smell with care and comfort. When she went on a sleepover I put a tiny squeeze (like end of a cotton bud) into a little pot so she could put it on her own bruise / scab / anywhere!