To feel like I have to pay this off for DD’s sake? How can I do it?

OP get help with your anxiety. You won’t enjoy this precious time while your daughter is little if you’re constantly sick with worry.

You must be in a decent financial position to have been able to get your mortgage. If you can comfortably pay/overpay each month then that’s great. Put some savings away for the future and make sure you have good life insurance.

If you're this worried and this is real please get some protection in place - income protection, critical illness cover and life cover. Some ASU if you specifically want unemployment cover. Spend your money on that and food for yourself (bit weird you're so worried about setting your daughter up in life but you'd like to starve to achieve this - you being unhealthy is way worse than having a mortgage to pay off)

You want to pay it off by the time your child starts school in four years. So, she's 1 at most. Is this postnatal depression talking?

If you have enough to have a 200K mortgage, you likely have a higher income than many two-parent families. I understand the pressure of being the sole earner, but I think you are putting far too much pressure on yourself.

Many people who can't get a mortgage in the first place, and who rent forever, still manage to give their children wonderful upbringings.

Your daughter will be fine, and you will be fine, but you need to think long-term. You'd have to pay rent if you weren't in a mortgaged home, so try and think about it relative to that - you're already doing well for her by not having to move around the whole time, and giving her stability in that way. And if you end up having to move or downsize to make it more manageable in the future, that will also be fine. Your support for her is the most important thing!

I'm 38 years old, live by myself and rent in an expensive area. I don't have a second income either, and no prospect of buying a house with a mortgage let alone becoming mortgage free. Definitely not within the next year and a bit! Loads of people are in a much more precarious financial position than it sounds like you are, don't fixate on something you can't realistically change.

May I suggest that your anxiety is the problem, not the mortgage, if this is making you unwell. You are setting yourself an impossible goal its seems, and then getting in a state about not being able to achieve it. This is not a rational thing to do.

Lots of single parents have mortgages and unreliable incomes, and still have happy lives. And while this kind of debt feels huge it is spread over a long time for this reason. As long as you pay regularly when you can, the bank will be reasonable if you get into difficulties - they don't want to manage repossessions, they want you to stay there and continue to pay when you can. Most people don't pay off their mortgage until later in life middle age or near retirement, and as house prices increase, mortgage periods are getting longer and longer.

You need to take a deep breath and think about this in a more constructive way. You are in many ways very lucky. You are not renting and having to deal with being given huge rent increases or being evicted every 6 months. You have a stable home, and a way of paying for it right now. You have a debt that lots of people manage on their own - single people, single parents, widows and widowers. Banks are in many ways more accommodating of difficulties than landlords. You have your lovely daughter.

Your daughter would much rather have a happy mum-please don't teach her that she is the cause for anxiety and financial worries. Kids pick all this up even if you try to hide it.

There will always be people better off than you. Please don't compare yourself to other people, comparison is called 'the thief of joy' for a good reason.

Please don't worry about a future that you can't predict and can't change. That will only make you both unhappy.

And if you can't let some of this anxiety go then you maybe need to recognise that this might be a symptom, not a rational worry, and see a doctor or a therapist.

I hope you feel better about this soon.

this is absurd and makes no sense. Why?

To be anywhere near the point where you could pay off a 200k mortgage in 4 years (albeit by not eating properly) you must be in a fantastic financial position.
You don't need to have paid off the mortgage, you'd be better off not scrimping on food and other essentials, and saving a massive chunk of money instead.
Stick those savings into a high interest account, or ISA and then you'll have a large pot of money to fall back on if you need to as well as some regular income in interest.

Very rare for mortgage to be paid off by time child is 5

Don't panic

This is a really bizarre outlook op. There are two of us and the mortgage term takes us to 63. Hopefully we'll overpay it but not until the kids are through uni.

You are not going to raise 50k a year by not eating.

Sorry but this is ridiculous. Do you know how many single parents (or two parent families) don’t even own a house and have no prospects of buying one? Why would you become unable to work? I know it can happen but it’s fairly unlikely to. Also if you think you can pay 200k in 4 years you probably earn a lot more than many joint earner household. Give your head a shake.

Utter batshittery. Yep starve to death to remove a debt that most people take most of their lives to pay.

This feels unhinged.

You are severely anxious and are caught in a loop of catastrophising.

There is absolutely nothing wrong or overly precarious about having a mortgage as long as you are sensible. Pay it off sensibly.

Try to access some help for your anxiety, because you skipping eating and constantly feeling on the brink of a crisis of your own making is much more likely to cause real problems for your child. She needs you to be present for her now, in the present. Not consumed by anxiety and fear.

Said with the utmost kindness/concern from someone who has to keep a very tight hold on my mind, otherwise I tend toward extreme anxiety as well.

It gets easier to keep it under control the more you learn to take your thoughts in hand.

Do you have cash savings as an emergency fund? (Car breakdown, boiler issue, job loss etc etc)
That's far more important than overpaying your mortgage.
It is seriously insane to be not eating to pay extra to your mortgage... which is what is making me concerned you might not have an emergency fund set up.
Your mortgage is a relatively safe debt as worst case scenario you can switch to interest only to reduce your payments whilst still keeping a roof over your and your daughters head. Can also sell and downsize if really necessary.
You are not letting your child down by only having a single income. Many families on 2 incomes are probably less stable than you!
My parents barely kept a roof over our heads as kids and there was 2 of them. It was scary for us and looking back they didn't always make the best financial decisions either.
You also don't owe your child an inheritance, even if other people are benefiting from it from their parents. Not everybody has that luxury.
My husband and I aren't anticipating any inheritance from either set of our parents and at we don't anticipate having anything significant to leave our children either.

What you are thinking is quite disordered. I know nobody with no mortgage at 40.
Are you depressed or suffering from anxiety, I was worried to see that you're not eating enough to maintain overpayments.
I'm aiming to have the mortgage paid off when I'm 60, I hope (but it may not happen) to retire at this point. Having a mortgage is normal.

My kids grew up in a single parent household where money was tight-they’re now in their mid twenties. They both have very good degrees, have good jobs and more importantly, lead a full life with friends and lovely partners. They both have rich friends so know how the other half live but they’re happy living their lives. In some ways, learning to deal with disappointments and setbacks is character building rather than having a path smoothed over for kids. Please look on the good side-your dd has a loving mother who is prepared to make sacrifices for her and has a stable home.She’s already won the lottery.

I thought it was familiar. There was another thread where the OP thought they should downsize if I remember correctly.

Oh God really?

I'd still like to know how long OP has been overpaying and why she can't just add a year or so onto her overpayment plan, to buy a bit of extra food.

I don't understand. If you didn't have a mortgage right now you'd be paying rent, which would probably be a lot more than you're paying now and with no end date. I wouldn't be over paying at the moment. The whole point of a mortgage is that it takes years to pay off. When your childcare costs stop then have a look at repaying a little extra each month if you like, but remember most people don't do this.

I'm worried that you'll get into a new relationship too fast in order to have an extra salary in your home. Don't forget, that house is yours - don't let anyone else think they're entitled to it.

You've posted about this before haven't you? (Several times)

You can pay off the mortgage over the next 20 years! No one needs to be mortgage free by the time they are 40!?!?

You’re being a bit hysterical.

You will probably be able to work and for the next 30 years anyways. Unless you die or fall ill.

Have a contingency plan such as a godparent or guardian in case you die prematurely.

Otherwise you should be fine.

Get a new partner if you want a 2 person household. It’s no big deal.

@Hyre You seem to be getting a bit of a hounding in here.

Might I suggest a one off appointment with an independent financial advisor? She will have seen it all before and be able to give you some perspective. I get the feeling your mind is flailing around a bit not knowing what is normal and what isn’t, what is a cause for concern and what isn’t. And, while there are no crystal balls, a little clarity of your pathway might be good here.

Independent recognition of your situation may well be of a comfort for you and I think that’s what you are really after right now. There is no harm in wanting a little comfort now and again.

But it's not always the case that a 2 parent family has 2 incomes

Childcare costs may make it impossible
Special care requirements
Work life balance for the family

2 income isn't standard

You are worrying too much - abnormally

I’ve been a single parent for 14 years. I’ve had a 200k+ mortgage that whole time and only pay interest on the majority of it. It’s still cheaper than renting.

My DCs have all gone on to be very successful gaining excellent exam grade, the two oldest in £50k jobs by their early 20s, and the youngest on track to do well too. I haven’t let anyone down, I’ve been on tax credits/UC the whole time working my ass off to make enough money while still being here for them all by working at home when possible and creating a good balance between work and home.

I’m pretty proud of myself tbh, and in a couple of years I can sell the house and downsize, make my life simpler and focus on me. But at no time in the last 14 years did I feel like I had to sacrifice basics for myself such as food or clothes to ensure they had a good life.

I agree that this is a bizarre post !

Most singles, couples or multiple people pay off their mortgage after 25, 30, 35 years

Some people pay off their mortgage earlier

Do you have these in place ?

Emergency savings (6 months to a year's salary)

Life insurance

Pay into a private pension via your employer to make use of tax free advantages

Illness or loss of job insurance

A will

Suggest speak to a financial advisor