To feel like I have to pay this off for DD’s sake? How can I do it?

PS - my parents are still paying off their mortgage now that I’m an adult, and I’ll most likely inherit the debt once they pass

Where are you that you would inherit a debt?

I hadn’t even started mine! All paid off when I was 62. I rented until my son was 15.

@Hyre i haven’t read all the responses here because I imagine everyone is saying similar. But what stood out to me is you’re not eating to try and save money. Please take a moment here, you are sacrificing your health for an imaginary deadline. You could make yourself ill doing this unnecessarily, you want to be there for your daughter well don’t put unneeded stress on your body.

You're being ridiculous.

Many, many people - myself included - have taken mortgages out based on single incomes. And have children. If you have this mortgage alone, then the lender will have done all sorts of stress tests based on your income at the time. Even if you've had a baby and split with her father in that time, you can clearly still afford it else you would have moved, right?

Get some help with your anxiety. It isn't normal to be worried to this extent.

Downsize. Build savings rather than over pay. Stop panicking. A nice life is not about money. Love your daughter and take time to be with her, rather than working all hours.

Also, a lot of people who become mortgage free at 40 do so because of an inheritance.

Met a couple {Early 30's} looking for a house locally - She didn't work, he did...I asked about how they would get a mortgage on one income...to be told it was an inheritance so no mortgage needed.

It’s the anxiety talking OP. Not all couples have two incomes. We have a similar age child, are older than you and haven’t even bought yet. Not ideal situation, but just to show that the anxiety is making you assume that everyone else has things sorted, they really don’t.

There are millions of single parents with mortgages and no nearby family to help- Just get life insurance so if anything happens, your mortgage is paid off..and write a will.

At 38 I was just taking out my 30 year mortgage as an FTB 😬

They may have 2 incomes but paying off your mortgage in 4 years doesn't mean you're then on the same playing field. You're putting too much pressure on yourself. Some people on two incomes won't have as much money as you if you think you can realistically pay off your mortgage in 4 years. Some people even though there are 2 of them cannot afford to buy at all, ever. So I think you're worrying unnecessarily

You are being totally unreasonable to worry about this affecting your daughter’s future, especially to the point of going without food to overpay. Many people in two parent households have mortgages of that size or much greater. Many people in single parent households have that level of mortgage or more. It’s meant to be a long term debt, because it’s not affordable to own a house with no mortgage for the majority- it’s not designed to be paid off before you’re 40! Start listening to what people here are saying and stop worrying because it’s not going to achieve anything other than making you stressed and ill (thereby doing much more damage to your daughter than not paying off your mortgage would do).

Gently OP I think you are looking at this in a very strange way, and causing yourself a great deal of entirely unnecessary stress in the process

Of course you don't need to pay off your mortgage by the time she goes to school, most people will have a mortgage or rent. She'll in no way be disadvantaged as long as your monthly payments are manageable

And yes, it is easier with two incomes but as a single person you just need to be in a position where if you lose your income you can carry on paying your bills while you sort yourself out with a new job etc

What you need to do is get a really good contingency plan in place - life insurance, critical illness insurance etc and build up your savings.

Of course overpaying the mortgage is great but not when it comes at the cost of you missing meals and spending your life in a spiral about it.

I don't understand what the relevance is of her being school age? What will happen when she starts school that means your mortgage must be paid off? You do realise that the kids in her class will be from all different backgrounds. There will be children in single parent families. Children in rented accommodation. Children in mortgaged homes. Children with two parents but single income. All sorts of things.

I wondered if CMS was some disease acronym - but it's simply child maintenance?

Edit...this is why I thought it was a disease'

I am a single parent with cms that as everyone knows is unpredictable. This is causing me a lot of stress.

I had zero child maintenance after divorce {self employed husband} and had a mortgage - it's absolutely crazy to be wanting to pay a mortgage off by 40...most people will be paying a mortgage well into their sixties and beyond.

There is literally no reason for you to have to have your mortgage paid off by the time you are 40 - with the greatest of respect, that's not rational in the slightest. I'm 45 and I have 8 years left on my mortgage because its affordable. If I could pay it off then I might but I have other things to prioritise, like eating. There's no bonus to paying it off early and in fact you might be penalised for doing so depending on the terms of your mortgage.

You need help with your mental health. You aren't the only single parent out there and most people whether they have one income or two simply can't afford to pay their mortgage off in 4 years. Unless you have a serious health condition I don't see why you have given yourself a 4 year deadline. Your child is a toddler, you've got time. Fixating on being a single parent and letting your child down isn't healthy .Neither is foregoing food to get it paid off. Your mortgage is higher than ours and we are a 2 parent family that suggests to me that inorder to get the mortgage in the first place you earn a very good wage. Gets some help, health wise and financial.

You're not being rational.

It comes across as disordered thinking as it's really not rational at all; possibly, as pp said, due to postnatal depression/anxiety.

As others have said, keep a good pot of savings as a cushion. That's of much better use than an extra chunk of your mortgage paid off.

Get yourself some help @Hyre - things will look better once you've sorted things out inside your head.

I am really failing to understand what having a mortgage means in terms of your daughter’s security? If you think you can pay 50k a year towards it then surely you must be earning a decent amount, a lot of dual income families don’t earn that. A lot of two parent families only have one income. Stop comparing yourself to other people, you don’t know their situations and you’re going to make yourself sick in the process. Realistically how much is you not eating going to contribute towards the mortgage? Unless you’d usually eat £100’s worth of food every month I don’t understand how you not eating will even make a significant dent in the mortgage repayments?

The best way to give your daughter the security she needs is by taking care of both of you. That includes you both eating well!

Your daughter will probably be more disadvantaged by the health problems you're likely to cause yourself by not eating properly.
I'm not able to eat a full diet, and I had 2 pregnancies close together, so not the same but it meant in the space of 3 years I went from having an excess of everything I needed, to being so anaemic I can barely function.
Dizziness, chest pain, weakness, extreme fatigue, racing heart rate. I feel crap, and it's getting in the way of life now, the jabs, and 200mg tablets each day are not enough to really help.

Don't fuck up your health with this. Maybe overpay by what is comfortable, whilst ensuring you are feeding yourself properly. It's scary for children to see their parents unwell, and given how bad you can feel when vitamin deficient you may well find yourself too ill to work for a period of time (my dizziness is so bad I can't drive at the moment) you may well find yourself upsetting the stability you can offer your DD by making yourself ill.

I know lots of people with children, couples and lone parents both, with mortgages. And lone parents who rent. All the children are quite a bit older than yours.
It's unusual to be mortgage-free by 40, single or otherwise. Get some insurance for peace of mind. Feed yourself properly so you can take care of and be fun for your DD and so you can enjoy her.
You are doing fine, I'm sure.

Crickey we did not pay off our mortgage until we were in our mid 50s. If you can overpay, wonderful, but please don’t scrimp on food for yourself. You need to be healthy to take care of your child, and for your own well being. And I would also suggest as others have to see a therapist for anxiety disorder. Excess anxiety can lead to misery (and I have personal experience with this). Sending you every good wish.

I don't know a single person who paid off their mortgage by 40!

DH and I are mid 50s and only paid ours off last year.

It's quite an unrealistic expectation to have and pure daft to deprive yourself of food to attain it. You will ruin your health by not looking after yourself, this will affect your child far more than having a mum with a mortgage.