To feel like I have to pay this off for DD’s sake? How can I do it?

Sending hugs OP. You sound like a lovely mum to be so worried about your daughter’s future. Give her your time and attention- as long as she is safe and fed that is worth more than loads of money. Also work on your anxiety- get help!

How do you do it? Overpay massively or sell and downsize.

You own a property. Your daughter is already at a huge advantage. Imagine if you were renting privately.

Yabu and putting unnecessary pressure on yourself.

Do you know that multimillionaires like Beyonce and Adele have mortgages on their homes ? It’s not shameful to have one.

Yes, you will benefit if you pay it off early so you can add to their pension and savings but paying it off by the time that your dd goes to school is an arbitrary and unreasonable goal. I am a single parent with a mortgage and my youngest is leaving school this year. I don’t feel any shame or that they were held back because I had a mortgage. Owning meant that we didn’t have to move home and they could always live walking distance to their primary and secondary schools. They benefitted from the stability of me owning.

Your dd is going to suffer if you become ill from not eating. Taking care of yourself and health is super important because she needs you around to look after her. Single parenthood is emotionally and physically tiring and you need to be well so that you can keep up.

💐

Also, you'll have Early Repayment Charges if you're on a fixed rate and overpay more than £20k a year, so it'll be more than £200k.

She did - first post. She tries to overpay and when she does it's because she doesn't eat.

From the OP

I try and overpay but sacrifice my own eating to do this.

You're being ridiculous. If you're not eatong properly to overpay then you haven't got a spare £50k a year for the next 4 years to meet your imaginary deadline.

Every household has monthly running costs. You'll still have council tax, insurance, food, fuel or public transport. The mortgage is just another one of those costs.

She hasn’t said that she is - just that she is stressed by the amount she has outstanding and would LIKE to pay it off in 4 years.

How long have you been overpaying for OP?

This - DH and I are 55. Our outstanding mortgage is considerably more than OPs. One income (no local fam, ND kids), but kids have not missed out because the house wasn’t paid off. All our friends are talking about retiring (all 57-62) and will either use savings, retirement money, inheritances to pay off final balances… or downsize to use their equity if they’ve none/little of the above. We have saved/planned to pay the final amount off when DH retires between 60-62 (depends on when youngest finishes uni).

OP, I think you need to see a financial advisor and also a counsellor as it appears you are suffering (understandably) from huge levels of anxiety related to having a DC alone. Do you have anyone - a friend or relative - that you can talk this through with and get some perspective?

@Hyre are you originally from a country where mortgages like this are less common? In the UK, most people, regardless of relationship status, have a mortgage in their 40s and often well beyond.

What do you foreseeable your child missing out on?

Primary school children are pretty cheap, a couple of £ a week for Rainbows/Cubs, teach them to swim yourself and put them into lessons to improve technique saves £££, parks, forest and beach walks to collect shells/ leave and play. Museums and art galleries are largely free. Even in the teenage years it is possible for them to have an enriching life without spending ££££.

Ofcourse others may also have their children at expensive clubs but that is personal choice and not essential you can get well-rounded children for very little money although a bit more effort perhaps in planning and seeing what's available in the surrounding areas.

The point of stretching the payment is so that you can own the expensive item and not go without.

Can you comfortably manage the normal mortgage payments? If not have you looked at downsizing?

I'm a single parent, my DD has never gone without and actually has access to more things than many of her friends with two working parents as my disposable income just goes on her. We go to the theatre alot, cinema whenever we feel like it, short breaks in the UK regularly whereas for her best friend who has two working parents and two siblings those events are very expensive. I forward plan my budget so I was already putting money away when she was at Primary school ready for the ££££ overseas trips offered at secondary school.

This is an anxiety thing not a single parent thing. The friends your child will go to school with will live in all sorts of scenarios, some will live in temporary accommodation or with other family members, some will be in rented and have to move regularly, many will have parents that divorce during the Primary school years and move to smaller homes as single parents.

Exactly. It's just ridiculous.

No idea why you think you have to pay your mortgage off in 4 years - they are set up on a 25yr+ basis for a reason. If you are funnelling all your cash/over paying to reduce it you are depriving your daughter of other things she could have with that money - holidays, extracurricular activities, quality mum/daughter experiences that will enrich both her and your relationship. Or just a bit of a nest egg for university or your retirement. The object of a mortgage is to have it paid off by the time you stop working.

As other PP’s say - I think you’re being rather ridiculous.

She'd be better off if her mother ate, frankly

Well op, I’m a single parent in a rented house, so if you’re fucking up the financial security of your child’s future with not owning a home by 40 then god knows what I’m doing 🤨

Why would she be better off?

Even if you starve yourself can you actually afford to pay off 200k in 4 years?

Op I'm also a single mum to a toddler and I'm doing the opposite to you, changing to interest only and increasing the length of my mortgage term so that I can reduce the payments per month while nursery is so expensive

In the nicest possible way, you are definitely fixating on this one random thing to the point of irrationality.

Loads of families rent, which is far more precarious. There are plenty of single parents out there. Lots of two parent households only have one income. We have two incomes but my monthly pay is less than our mortgage, and I doubt that's terribly unusual. It's a big wife world out there full of lots of different advantages and disadvantages. The thought of precariousness can feel scary....but I really think it's the thought that is the problem here, not your actual situation.

Surely you'll have more disposable income when she starts school as you'll have less childcare costs? Why would your child be at a disadvantage when she starts school at 5 years old. I suspect most parents (single or otherwise) have mortgages when their children start school. You're not really making any sense OP just stating that she will be at a disadvantage and you worry but don't say how/why...unless we're all missing something it sounds like you've gone down an unnecessary rabbit hole. Going without food to overpay your mortgage is really not a good idea.

She's surely be much better off if you put that money into savings and could send her to private school with it if you have 50k a year to spend?

When she goes to school won't you get a job? So you can pay the mortgage then?