To feel like I have to pay this off for DD’s sake? How can I do it?

you need some proportionality about this

yes okay you might be slightly more at risk than a 2 adult household, both of whom are both working with a mortgage.
But that will only be a proportion of her classmates.
There will also be 2 adult households where only 1 person is working
2 and 1 adult household where nobody is working
households without mortgages who are privately renting and therefore could be at higher risk of disruption dependent on landlord selling house/raising rent
Even those 2 adult households might have other children, children with disabilities that require significant additional costs, could both be working but be very low paid, could have a significant amount of non-mortgaged debt etc.

The point is that there will almost definitely be some children in her class whose parents are in a better overall financial position than you, but also definitely some who are in a worse position.

By all means do what you can to make things as secure for yourself and your own peace of mind as you can, but not because youre comparing yourself against others.

I’m 47 and haven’t even started my mortgage yet as I’ve been stuck renting in the South East and can’t move for 2 more years when youngest goes to Uni. I am a single parent. It is what it is, you have nothing to be concerned about

4 kids here and we rent.... unlikely to ever have a mortgage. Just pay the normal payment and eat! Why are you making things difficult for yourself?

There's a reason why a standard mortgage term is 25 or even 30 years not 5 or 10. It's because 25/30 years is a realistic amount of time to pay off a large debt. Even high earning couples don't opt for shorter terms.

Your daughter will not suffer in life because you have a normal mortgage. She will suffer if you become ill through stress and malnutrition.

Hey. I’m a widowed single mum of two. And yes my mortgage was cleared by insurance BUT it really hasn’t made that much difference to how secure I feel. Childcare eats almost all of my money still and I run around and feel the lack of their dad and it harder to do somethings as a single parent. I suspect we both just need to let it go and make the best life we can for our children, not keep looking at a fantasy of a two income household

Your daughter is already at an advantage to many of her peers in that you have your own home to start with!

My mum was single mum to 3 kids. Never had a single penny from dad or any financial or physical support from any family or friends. She could only work part time due to needing to be home for us, we went to work with her during the holidays (cleaning jobs, catalogue delivery jobs).
Never owned a home. Lived in 1 bed council flat for years before finally getting a 2 bed house through council.

Did we suffer at school? No.

I'm glad you are going to get some help with yout anxiety because this artificial mortgage deadline is not sensible. I bet if you were given £200k tomorrow and paid off your mortgage you would be equally stressed about something else. If you had a partner you would probably take on a bigger mortgage and worry about both of you losing your jobs. You're doing a great job with your DC.

Paying your mortgage off is generally something you do once your kids are financially independent!! How has this past you by?

You're a single mum and only mention having a DD, so if there's only 2 of you, can you not downsize if you want less of a financial burden? Having a mortgage at 40 is perfectly reasonable though, so I really don't think you need to worry.

C'mon, she's not. She's just got a thing about having a house paid off herself for whatever reason, I don't get the sense she's judging others.

Well this is absurd. I’m a widow and my some when my husband died was to make sure my kids had the same opps as other children who didnt have a dead dad. Never did I think oh let’s pay off that great big debt that I don’t need to for another 15 years.!OP your kid will still have a great life even if only have one parent, will they miss out sometimes yes- fact- but they will also be enriched by this experience too in ways that two parent families can’t be.

OP it’s great you recognise this isn’t rational or ordered thinking.

I am single - ten years older than you and have just taken on a big mortgage to buy my dream house!

what you are doing is normal life/. The risk is not huge. Please stop worrying - you are making yourself ill.

Can I ask WHY you feel like your mortgage needs to be paid off before your daughter is at school? Most families/individuals don't have that, no matter how much is coming into the household. I understand you are concerned that all of the financial responsibility is on you, but really, you should not be skipping meals, or making life so difficult for yourself, to get a large amount of money paid off in a couple of years. Do you have a decent job, and some savings/security?

I'm now single, with 2 kids and a mortgage. If I lose my job I'd be stuffed, but so would most people. I do have income protection insurance though (to cover me for being unable to work due to illness).

OP, even couples are insecure when they have a mortgage. The earning power in most couples is quite unequal. I have earned more than my DH for most of our careers and if I'd lost my job we would have struggled with our mortgage. However, I always thought that the worst case scenario would be moving to a cheaper house/cheaper area.

Edited: when I was 7 we moved house because my father had lost his job and was struggling to find a new one. So we moved from a 3 bed house to a 2 bed house. He then found another job!

But a mortgage is paid off eventually, rent isn't, so you are much better off than anyone who is renting.

Single parent household here (SAhM, high earner partner). I would advise building up your savings (and putting into a high interest account) rather than massively overpaying the mortgage. That way if you lose your job, need a new car, roof falls in, you are long term sick you can use the money for any number of issues and hopefully this will ease your anxiety. Worst case scenario maybe you could move in with family / rent your house out / rent a room in your home etc. I would also make sure I had good life insurance / critical illness cover. I do sometimes worry about the size of our mortgage but the house gives the children comfort and stability and one day will provide them with an inheritance hopefully

And a lot of dual income households don't earn anywhere near enough to afford to pay off 200k in four years!
YABU

How many people do you think have paid their mortgage off by 36-40yo. Very very few.

your property will appreciate in value.

I am a single parent, I have 2 children. I rent as can't get a mortgage. Are you saying that I'm letting my children down?

@Hyre : it’s good that you have an appointment for your anxiety as this is definitely shaping your thinking

I understand that as a single parent you may feel a lot of pressure : but your child’s biggest security is a healthy mother

It’s good to have a good savings buffer too. About the mortgage: don’t overpay at the expense of a pension for you (especially if you pay 40% tax) - then you might be better off putting money into your pension and using the lump sum to clear your mortgage later on

I can guarantee that what your daughter wants most is a healthy mum who has time to spend with her.

If you have the ability to pay a £200k mortgage in four years, your salary must be quite healthy. Sorry to count your pennies 🤣

Your DD is not going to miss out financially. Please take care of yourself x

Not something you need to worry about - many of her friends are likely to live in homes their parents or parent is renting.

You're being so hard on yourself. Well done for booking the appointment. I hope it gets easier for you.

I'm from a poor, working class, single income family. I'm bright but not the smartest and a somewhat lazy procrastinator with ADHD but I'm in a professional, high paying career.

Don't stress yourself out, if your dd has the drive,, she will do well regardless of your lower income.

That really doesn't follow. Not all two parent families have both partners working, even if they do they may both be on low incomes, there are extra expenses involved because of the extra person in the house. Some have a parent who is blowing all the money on their personal hobbies/buying expensive cars etc and paying for gadgets/drinking/smoking/drugs/gambling. Children with two parents really are not all better off than your child.