To feel like I have to pay this off for DD’s sake? How can I do it?

I think OP’s point is that she feels like she HAS to pay off the mortgage to give her child security not that she is actually in a position to do so. OP - I hope your chat with the GP goes well, as others have said your anxiety while understandable isn’t normal.

But most 2 parent families don’t have a stay at home parent? We’re a 2 parent family both full time borrowing the most they could, as are most people we know, there is no flex.

@Hyre how much would you be paying in rent for a home like yours as against a mortgage payment?

I think either you are a very high earner who is unnecessarily putting pressure on yourself or you have lost the plot! Very few ppl can pay £200K towards their mortgage in 4 years. We have around £300K of our mortgage left to pay, we have two incomes which totalling is just shy of £190K a year but I think realistically we will pay it in 15years or maybe slightly lesser. We also have 2 DC.
We are in our early 40’s. Just do what you can, we have insurance to cover the payment in case either of us dies, the mortgage gets paid off in full.

Chill your beans @Hyre

My mortgage is 300k, I'm 58yo widow and have 2 kids with disabilities.

I did reduce it down to 143k but it's back up so I can help my youngest get his first property. I will then downsize and leave my next property to my eldest in my will. See if I can do it at my age with a bigger mortgage, you can take your time and be more steady Eddie about it. You have bags of time.

And eat, you are only hurting yourself, and god forbid anything happen to you.

Sending a hug x

I’m confused about what the issue is? I’m in a 2 parent, 2 child household, we are both mid thirties and we are renting. I don’t feel like my children are at a disadvantage, we are more likely to look to get a mortgage once they are in school and childcare costs are less

Ok. My DM was kind of in the same position as you. Was about to lose her home but council paid interest on her mortgage.

She retrained to be a teacher, basically any stready job with a monthly salary would do as long as it’s secure so maybe civil service, NHS etc.

She had a big house so rented out rooms upstairs. She also met my stepdad who paid housekeeping when they got together but she paid the mortgage.

She did this for at least 10 years maybe 12 years and any extra money she got she overpaid on her mortgage so she paid it off when she was approx 45-46 maybe earlier.

It’s not easy and she did make a lot of sacrifices but paying her mortgage early was one reason she wanted to be free financially.

There is no way you should sacrifice your own eating just to pay a mortgage! If you want to eat cheaper food like vegetarian food or plain pasta with sauces which aren’t lavish ingredients that’s ok but otherwise as others say you’ll make yourself sick from not eating properly.

Most 36 year olds now would be happy to be starting a mortgage never mind paying it off! As long as you can afford your repayments and will be able to repay it before you retire you literally have nothing to worry about.

Very gently I would say to you that this must be an anxiety disorder as you are not really making sense. Even if other children have two parents, both may not be working or they may have debt or not even bought a house and living in rented. You have provided a home for your daughter and presumably are paying the mortgage and bills. Very few people pay off their mortgage by 40. Just focus on getting your finances rock solid by avoiding unsecured debt, saving for emergencies and making sure you stay healthy for your DD by eating properly.

The usual advice is to spend 1/3 of income on rent/mortgage (I appreciate this isn't always possible these days). Even spending 50% of your income on your mortgage would be huge.
If you don't earn "anything near that" how on earth are you going to pay Off 50k a year?

You still have to pay bills and eat.
And if your daughter is so young, presumably a baby if 4 years away from school, you must have childcare costs too.

This. There is no need for you to pay off your mortgage in that time frame. You costly have decent earning potential so even if you lost your job for any work related reason you could get another. That leaves medical issues. Sort high quality insurance cover and, honestly, take a breath - this isn't something toy need to worry this much about

If there is no way for you to pay 200k off in 4 years out of your income then what can anyone way? You simply can't do it. What you could consider doing is selling the house and down sizing to, a nice apartment for example. There would be compromises to be made but there are plenty of well proportioned flats with good communual gardens and you could either be mortgage free or have a drastically reduced mortgage (making assumptions about equity here). Otherwise you'll have to shit in one and hand and wish your lottery numbers come up in the other!

Talk to a decent insurance person too. My husbands income protection is very comprehensive although we pay for that it's worth it for peace of mind.

Same here.. @Hyre You must be a phenomenal earner to even contemplate being able to pay off a £200k mortgage in four years.

With such a good wage, why on earth are you remotely bothered about being a single parent?!

£100 k plus a year is a superb income by anyone's standards, especially for someone comparatively young as you are.

There are many , many single parents who have been divorced who get naff all from their ex husbands, who earn far less, yet manage and keep the mortgage going.

Realise how fortunate you are to be a top earner- and count your very large blessings!

What’s your take home income?
is this likely to increase as you move up the career ladder?
what’s your monthly mortgage payment now? (What term did you borrow the £200k on and what interest rate- how long is the interest rate fixed for)
any other essential outgoings? Childcare? Will that go down when DD starts school
school fees?
travel costs?

Neither do I, I am also a lone parent. It's not normal to stress about it to the extent you are though. There are millions of us lone parents out there, you're not the only one.

You’ve got a bee in your bonnet about the single parent thing. There are tens of thousands of households with only one parent. Many of them don’t have the security that you have of owning their own (mortgaged) home, many others do and manage just fine. Get some insurance that will cover your mortgage payments in the event of not being able to work and put your mind at rest.

I don’t have any back up at all
No, but if you can pay off 50k a year on a mortgage you must be earning at least 100k, or probably more like 150k.
Considering most families don't earn that I don't feel in the least bit sorry for you.
If I'm wrong, tell us what your income is.

This is not a normal or mature way of thinking, OP. I think you need to speak to your GP about your anxiety.

Im paying mine until 70 so I should try not to worry

What's your salary and how much are you paying. Sorry but I've solo paid for years my ex wouldn't give me much. I've bought ex out as well now on 38k with 2 kids mortgage 135k house value 170k it can be done don't stress

If you're regularly overpaying you're in a much better position financially than some two income houses, ours included. We can barely afford to pay the bills let alone do the work we drastically need to do to our house. But rather than dwell and cry about the literally crumbling plaster or gutters falling off we do what we can.

I am a single parent and have been for 20 years now
I am hoping to be able to pay my mortgage off this year, a few days after my son's 26th birthday.
You need to have realistic expectations - yes, money will be tighter for you (as it was for me) without two incomes, but stressing about paying £200k over 4 years could literally break you and won't be good for your little girl either.
I don't know anyone who was mortgage free while their children were still at school.