To feel like I have to pay this off for DD’s sake? How can I do it?

I’m a single parent. It didn’t even dawn on me that I should pay off my mortgage early to even up my kids’ potentials for the future. To be honest there’s probably more single parent renting with higher rent than some mortgages. I know that my ex husband’s rent was also double my mortgage at one point and for the exact same type of house. He wasn’t also able to claim child benefit to help him out though. And he doesn’t get my daughter’s DLA and disabled child element and my carer element of UC. At one point we were 50/50 parenting but he couldn’t maintain that as he needed the extra hours at work to maintain his home and to be able to actually look after the kids when they go to him. He barely sees them now though as he has to work more just to pay his bills.

Hi OP
I am also single parent to two boys.
I have a mortgage that i hope to have paid off by the time I'm 60 (I'm now 50)
I would suggest you look at

1. Save up 6 months expenses in an emergency savings account
2. Life insurance to cover the outstanding balance of your mortgage (you can do a lump sum or reducing balance)
3. Critical illness cover (expensive so might not be an option)
4. Sort out a will

As the only adult you need to put things in place if something were to happen to you. Perhaps with these in place your anxiety would be reduced?

It is tough being sole earner with no partner to support you if you lost your job or became incapacitated but you can resolve these issues with a little planning.

Ridiculous. 1% of people pay off their mortgage by 40, fewer still pay off 200k in 2 years.

Have you just had a baby? It may be worth having a chat with someone about your mental health as your anxiety is clearly high. It could be post-natal related. Xxx

Didn't pay off my mortgage until I retired. That is pretty normal. I don't feel my son was at all disadvantaged. I don't understand your anxiety.

if cms is Congenital Myasthenic Syndrome, all sympathy

I think in this context it's Child Maintenance Service.

Nonetheless, all your advice is appropriate.

Hi OP
If cms is Congenital Myasthenic Syndrome, all sympathy. I have something similar. My way through this would be to put as many safety nets in place as you can, so:
Do you have illness cover on your mortgage? This would mean you got a lump sum or your mortgage was paid if you became critically ill.
Have you written a will? This is really important for your child's future.
Have you guardians or godparents in place in case you are unwell?
These cost nothing or less than paying a mortgage ff and might give you peace of mind.

this is such good advice, I hope the OP spots it
@Hyre
hope you can make a solid plan soon

How on earth will your DD be disadvantaged by you paying a mortgage while she is at school? I have a friend who is raising two children by herself and only got her mortgage a couple of years ago, and is 40 already. Her children are fine. Most people take out mortgages over a period of decades. Please calm down and be realisitic.

Do you really think a SAHP could easily get a job if their partner lost their's? If so why wouldn't you be able to easily get a job if you lost your current one?
I still don't understand why you've put yourself under pressure to pay now (or in 4 years). She won't be disadvantaged by you having a mortgage. She'll be in the same boat as all the other children (and some of them will be 1 parent families).

@Hyre I know a woman who never wanted “To be saddled /trapped” by a mortgage-when younger.
She is in her Seventies now , and bitterly regrets not having bought a house when she could have done.

She has a garden flat in Clifton, Bristol and the rent keeps going up and up as it’s such a desirable location-(Georgian building)

She could have bought that flat for £30 k ( Thirty thousand) in 1980 but chose to rent instead.

She’s paying well over £1000 a month now in rent- and has nothing to leave when she eventually passes away.

You are giving your daughter security by buying a house.

So if you don’t earn enough to clear a £200k mortgage anyway- in four years -It’s a pointless thing to have even contemplated ?

Just be glad you have a mortgage- if it’s a repayment it will decrease in time and seem like nothing in a few years compared to renting.

I too remember worrying about paying mine off, but unlike rents, mortgages diminish in time - don’t worry, @Hyre
Having a house that’s yours eventually is infinitely better than renting.
👍👍👍

Hi OP.

You are doing well.

I saw something on SM that helped me priortise my spending. Do it this order.

1. Save 5K as an emergency funds
2. Pay off all debts other than the mortage i.e. credit cards, loans etc.
3. Then Save enough for 6 months of expenses in case you are out of work.
4. Create a manageable budget including holiday funds and investments.
5. THEN down pay your mortgage.

In the kindest possible way, do you fully understand how mortgages work?
We have two on two properties and I'm pleased that the first will be paid off when I'm 57!

I am a true believer that life is what you make it, your a single mum, so you have 2
option’s worry about being a single mum and having a mortgage and have the absolute ridiculous idea you need to pay it off for your daughter starting school or
be proud that as a single mum you obviously have worked hard and been sensible financially
to buy and maintain a house. There are plenty of two parent families out there who will be struggling more than you, have bigger debts and mortgages than you, a 2 parent family isn’t the happy ever after the story books tell you, I have been a single Mum all my sons life and I honestly would not change it for the world,
be proud of what you have achieved. I do feel you will benefit from speaking to someone though sometimes unrealistic fixations like this indicate deeper mental health issues

Very sensible advice @Aprilrosesews, thank you!

Goodness, I’ll be glad if I have a mortgage by 40, let alone pay it off. Don’t panic.

It’s highly likely would be better off putting money in savings than to your mortgage. Focus on saving income instead.

I work in mortgages and regardless how much you overpay, if you lost your job and couldn’t pay your mortgage they’d still take your house eventually.

Save up the equivalent of 6 months expenses to give yourself some breathing space mentally. Then up that to a year and so on. You could then have enough if you lost your job to live on while you find another. Right now you’re putting equity into your house that’s useless for what you’re worried about.

Haven’t read the full thread. But please do not put this pressure on yourself. I’m London based and know I’d never pay off my mortgage before I turn 60 (30 years time) and I’m not alone. In fact, my parents are both 63, have well paying jobs, gave my siblings and I a great upbringing and have £ left on their mortgage. Granted they bought their home at right time / right place so if they downsized tomorrow they’d be fine. But them having a mortgage when we were children definitely didn’t do us any harm! Please do not worry!!!

It’s a good idea to pay it off early but you need to be realistic. Watch Dave Ramsey on YouTube, get his book from the library and do it the right way. Good luck!

What on earth are you talking about? If you don't clear a £200k mortgage in 4 years your DD will have a shitty life? Seriously, what on earth are you talking about?!?!

Do you know how many single parents there are out there? Probably a lot more than there are people who pay off their mortgage before 40.

I know a 52 year old lady who is on £700k per annum and rents two properties, claims she can’t afford to buy (!?!?), kids in private school, 6+ ultra luxury holidays per year, wardrobes bursting with new clothes, bought a £100k car last year which has now depreciated by at least 40%. No savings to fall back on if she loses her job. She sleeps well at night somehow. You’d be fine if you had to downsize!

Paid by 40 is a bit much. Too much pressure for one person. We hope, and I say hope, to pay off our mortgage when I am 46. However we both work full time and I have been in my professional decent paid job since I was 21

You are a single parent who has got their act together and is buying a house.

You are an amazing role model for your daughter, hold onto that thought.

Think of all the values you are teaching her,like the importance of independence, the values of ambition, resilience and determination, how to multitask, how to prioritise needs and wants.

She is lucky to have you, don’t be so hard on yourself, and remember what they say on planes,you need to put your own oxygen mask on before you can help others, so take care of yourself.

Have to agree with this tbh. It's actually not much comfort when both are working. I think an awful lot of people are up to their eyes in debt and suffering for it.