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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel like I have to pay this off for DD’s sake? How can I do it?

332 replies

Hyre · 21/05/2024 08:18

This situation is making me feel unwell. I have 200k left on a mortgage. I’m 36. If I don’t pay this off by the time DD is at school (ie by the time I’m 40) I feel like she is going to be at such a huge huge disadvantage in life as I am a single parent with cms that as everyone knows is unpredictable. This is causing me a lot of stress. I try and overpay but sacrifice my own eating to do this.

i don’t feel like she will have the same opportunity as a child in a two parent household otherwise. How can I achieve this? I feel constantly stressed

OP posts:
atticstage · 21/05/2024 09:06

Kindly, I think you're being irrational and might benefit from support if this is the level of anxiety you are feeling.

Original poster
Hyre · 21/05/2024 09:05

CorylusAgain · 21/05/2024 08:36

I am a single parent. Have been since my dd was born.
I have absolutely no idea why you think you need to pay off your mortgage by the time your dc starts school! Why???

If you consider it's even a possibility that you could repay £200k in 4 years then you must be earning a decent amount.

Take some financial advice on the best way to set up a safety net and plan for your future. Then stop obsessing about a completely unnecessary, self imposed deadline.

I understand fully how overwhelming it can feel being the one responsible for your dc. Do you have support around you? Focus on your emotional wellbeing and confidence, because I honestly believe your focus on the mortgage is a displaced anxiety about other things.

@CorylusAgain yes that could be right. I feel so much pressure everyday and have no support. Not practically anyway. Lots of friends but obviously they’re not there to support me financially.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hyre · 21/05/2024 09:03

DanielGault · 21/05/2024 09:02

Isn't there some sort of insurance you can take out to cover a job loss?

Show quote history

@DanielGault yes I have looked at this but they usually cover a very short time like a year or two

OP posts:
Original poster
Hyre · 21/05/2024 09:03

CecilyP · 21/05/2024 09:01

OP, I don’t understand your logic at all. You are 36 and have another 30 years of working life to pay this off. You are currently at the most expensive time of your life as, working, you will have considerable childcare costs. These will lessen when your child starts school and dwindle to nothing in 10 years or so. In another 10 years your child will be an adult and you will still have another 15 years of child free working life to get any outstanding mortgage paid off!

@CecilyP yes but in the meantime she relies on me to have a safe home and it’s not as safe as two incomes. I feel I am letting her down

OP posts:
DanielGault · 21/05/2024 09:02

Hyre · 21/05/2024 08:59

@Newmumatlast that’s true but they have two incomes

Show quote history

Isn't there some sort of insurance you can take out to cover a job loss?

Original poster
Hyre · 21/05/2024 09:02

NewPinkJacket · 21/05/2024 08:57

Wonder if the OP will be back?

@NewPinkJacket i have a toddler I can’t constantly be on my phone!

OP posts:
CecilyP · 21/05/2024 09:01

OP, I don’t understand your logic at all. You are 36 and have another 30 years of working life to pay this off. You are currently at the most expensive time of your life as, working, you will have considerable childcare costs. These will lessen when your child starts school and dwindle to nothing in 10 years or so. In another 10 years your child will be an adult and you will still have another 15 years of child free working life to get any outstanding mortgage paid off!

Original poster
Hyre · 21/05/2024 09:01

TheSandgroper · 21/05/2024 08:43

@Hyre It is normal to fret about large commitments but you seem to be taking it a little far.

Are you able to manage all your bills? If you can, you are doing very well and everything is safe for you and your daughter. Perhaps have a realistic look at your income and bills and calculate a more realistic time frame for paying it off.

One trick that can help is to divide your monthly payments by week or fortnight and pay that way. This allows you to pay the same amount per month (and the computer should recognise this) but your earlier payments go straight to the principal. When your monthly bill is calculated, it reads your reduced principal balance. It’s an easy trick but works very well.

@TheSandgroper thank you. It just feels very precarious. It’s all on me so it’s less secure for her. If I didn’t have that debt she would be in a more similar position to two parent families

OP posts:
SquashPenguin · 21/05/2024 09:01

What on earth??! People take mortgages out over 25 years or whatever because that’s normal. Unless you earn shitloads or inherit a huge amount you’re never going to pay your 200k mortgage off in four years. That’s bizarre.

Original poster
Hyre · 21/05/2024 08:59

Newmumatlast · 21/05/2024 08:21

Most 2 parent households wouldn't have paid a house off by then so I don't understand

@Newmumatlast that’s true but they have two incomes

OP posts:
Redburnett · 21/05/2024 08:58

I was still paying my mortgage when I retired at 60+. I do not understand the concern, it makes no sense.

NewPinkJacket · 21/05/2024 08:57

Wonder if the OP will be back?

JosiePosey · 21/05/2024 08:56

This has to be one of the most ridiculous things I've seen on here.

DanielGault · 21/05/2024 08:51

Children don't generally know or care about mortgages. They're far more likely to notice a parent that's starving themselves. You really need to give yourself a good shake and reassess your priorities. A sick parent won't do your child any good whatsoever.

GentlemanJohnny · 21/05/2024 08:47

Where on earth do you get this idea from????

We weren't mortgage free until our 60s.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 21/05/2024 08:46

This doesn't really make sense OP.

Bohkee · 21/05/2024 08:45

MaryBethMayfair · 21/05/2024 08:21

As gently as possible, you're being absurd. You don't need to pay off your mortgage by 40 for your daughter to have a nice life. Being mortgage free doesn't stop you from ever being stressed or having financial pressures.

Do you work? It sounds like you are struggling to make ends meet so I'd suggest you check if you are due any benefits top-ups or whether you could increase your working hours/improve your position at work.

This - my oldest has left university (2 parent home), and we are in our 50s - our mortage is not paid off.

Who has put this in your head?

NewPinkJacket · 21/05/2024 08:43

MaryBethMayfair · 21/05/2024 08:35

Nowhere in the OP was it mentioned that she is overpaying her mortgage. The only income she has mentioned is CMS.

The OP mentions that they WANT to pay it off within 4 years but is massively stressed out by this desire. People are just assuming they must be overpaying for them to even dream of paying it off but honestly, some people get worked up about strange things with no understanding of what's involved to achieve it.

Edited
Show quote history

Nowhere in the OP was it mentioned that she is overpaying her mortgage.

From the OP...

I try and overpay but sacrifice my own eating to do this.

TheSandgroper · 21/05/2024 08:43

@Hyre It is normal to fret about large commitments but you seem to be taking it a little far.

Are you able to manage all your bills? If you can, you are doing very well and everything is safe for you and your daughter. Perhaps have a realistic look at your income and bills and calculate a more realistic time frame for paying it off.

One trick that can help is to divide your monthly payments by week or fortnight and pay that way. This allows you to pay the same amount per month (and the computer should recognise this) but your earlier payments go straight to the principal. When your monthly bill is calculated, it reads your reduced principal balance. It’s an easy trick but works very well.

Spendysis · 21/05/2024 08:43

I don’t understand why you think your dc will be disadvantaged by you having a mortgage? Most parents have a mortgage. We have one and our dc have now left school

BloodyAdultDC · 21/05/2024 08:41

I'm 48. Not a single one of my friends or colleagues below 50 has paid off their mortgage - be they married, single, child free or with several kids.

You're literally worrying your daughter's childhood away.

When I took out my mortgage as a newly single parent at 38 the term was 30 years.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 21/05/2024 08:37

MaryBethMayfair · 21/05/2024 08:35

Nowhere in the OP was it mentioned that she is overpaying her mortgage. The only income she has mentioned is CMS.

The OP mentions that they WANT to pay it off within 4 years but is massively stressed out by this desire. People are just assuming they must be overpaying for them to even dream of paying it off but honestly, some people get worked up about strange things with no understanding of what's involved to achieve it.

Edited
Show quote history

Well if that was the case, this thread would be a total waste of time, but who knows until she comes back?

She doesn't state it's a fantasy, she states overpaying is apparently leading to her having to eat less.

Ginmonkeyagain · 21/05/2024 08:36

What the actual fuck are you going on about? Having a mortgage in your thirties is very very normal. I didn't even have a mortgage until I was 36.

Mortgages are meant to be long term debt. Most people these days are paying off a mortgage in to their fifties and even sixties

I can guarantee you pretty much every child at school with your daughter will have parents (or parent) who are also paying off a mortgage. Obviously there will be a good portion whose parents are paying rent as they are not able to even get a mortgage.

Rabbitrabbits · 21/05/2024 08:36

Op how much do you earn? If you earn 30k vs 150k the responses will be very different.

If you are a higher earner then I too would cut back while your child is young and you can do free/cheap things. Maybe put the money into savings in a higher interest account so you can still access in an emergency.

CorylusAgain · 21/05/2024 08:36

I am a single parent. Have been since my dd was born.
I have absolutely no idea why you think you need to pay off your mortgage by the time your dc starts school! Why???

If you consider it's even a possibility that you could repay £200k in 4 years then you must be earning a decent amount.

Take some financial advice on the best way to set up a safety net and plan for your future. Then stop obsessing about a completely unnecessary, self imposed deadline.

I understand fully how overwhelming it can feel being the one responsible for your dc. Do you have support around you? Focus on your emotional wellbeing and confidence, because I honestly believe your focus on the mortgage is a displaced anxiety about other things.