To feel like I have to pay this off for DD’s sake? How can I do it?

Ha yeah all those smug "we're mortgage at 38" posts can give a false impression. At 38 I was 2 years in to my mortgage!

Jesus, what is this mumsnet obsession with paying off mortgages early?!
The vast majority of people pay off their mortgage when they are close to or at retirement age. Unless you inherit before then it really isn’t worth prioritising.

Our mortgages are massive and we are 46 and 51. Don’t give a shit. They will be paid off when we are mid 60’s - life is for living.

Prioritise a pension over the mortgage- I’ve got a stonking pension but any spare money is going in to that. The mortgage be buggered.

Your daughter lives in a home you own. She’s massively ahead of many children growing up in two parent families in that respect

Agree with this. My son's primary class has children in council accommodation, private rented accommodation, military housing, refugee housing. Being in a house with a mortgage on it is really not a disadvantage.

@Hyre yes it is an extra level of worry, I get that. Due to various reasons we took out a mortgage equivilent to yours based on my salary alone - and I was made redundant a year or so after we bought. We are still here, we still have somewhere to live.

There is income protection and mortgage companies will help if you are in difficulty.

£200k at 36 is nothing, as people have said you have 30 years to pay this off and it is easier in small managable monthly chunks.

I would advise overpaying what you can afford (I overpay by £300 per month) as it can help to see that balance reduce a bit quicker. But NEVER go without food or other essentials to overpay your mortgage. That way madness lies.

Remember mortgages are designed to be long term debt.

YABVU
my single mother had very little money, worked extremely hard to put food on the table, and a mortgage until I was at uni. What did I go without? Extras, toys on demand, luxuries, 3 foreign holidays per year. In other words frivolous things. What did I have? Love, consistency, an excellent example, sense of hard work.
You need enough to feed your child and pay you bills. You don’t need to be mortgage free and rich to be a parent. Values are a thousand times more valuable than money.

Did you not realise whilst you were pregnant that you’d be on your own?

Do you get CSA support

Nothing in life is certain. The best chance of giving your daughter stability is by staying as healthy as possible and looking after yourselves. Ensure you both eat well. But also don't fixate on the mortgage and waste her childhood - use some of the money to give her good life experiences too. And don't punish yourself for not being a two-parent family.

I think you are confusing two things - needing security for your daughter and the presence of a mortgage - I say this as the sole income earner and mortgage holder in my family.
what you need is income protection insurance (and you can get health cover etc) and some savings . The biggest risk is you losing your job and then you could live off your savings whilst looking for another job- and any insurance could help you have a breathing space. As a PP said the mortgage is the best form of debt to have.
The worst thing you can do for your daughter is make yourself ill by not eating or work all hours to pay off your mortgage early

@DanielGault yes I have looked at this but they usually cover a very short time like a year or two

Insurance is intended to cover you while you find another job. While it’s possible you could experience a catastrophe that meant you couldn’t work again for most people an interruption to working life isn’t permanent. Rather than paying off the mortgage I’d focus on building an emergency fund in saving so if something did happen you have a safety net, that way all your living costs are covered rather than just your mortgage.

I'm just thinking further on it OP and seems like you're anxiety-ing your life away here. You're in a great position and you're worrying about stuff that will likely never happen. It's a terrible waste of time.

Your daughter lives in a home you own. She’s massively ahead of many children growing up in two parent families in that respect. A six months’ saving cushion might be a more reasonable and attainable goal.
Are you feeling guilty about her not having a second parent in the home? Is that perhaps driving your anxiety?

Well quite. If we were all able to earn an extra 50k a year, we’d all be doing it!

That s silly.
No one cares if you have a mortgage so long as you can feed and clothe dc and pay for trips etc
A longer term mortgage to keep monthly costs down makes more sense
Then when she older sell up or whatever

PS - my parents are still paying off their mortgage now that I’m an adult, and I’ll most likely inherit the debt once they pass (country they’re in was badly hit by the recessions so people are now on 40-50 year terms).

I do not feel for a minute that they have failed me. Money was tight growing up, they’ve never lived a life of luxury, but they did not fail their children. We learnt to stand on our two feet, and most importantly - we learnt that life isn’t always easy and sometimes you need to prioritise X over YZ.

A privileged childhood, a kid getting “all they may want or need”, doesn’t always set you up for successful adulthood. I’d rather my children grew up learning that we don’t always get what we want in life, than me being to afford every toy and activity and trip they may ask for.

Think about what values you want to teach your daughter.

That's absurd. What disadvantage? Don't put unnecessary expectations and pressure on yourself.

I had a mortgage when I was a single parent to my children. I didn't earn a lot of money, got no money from their father and got tax credits because of my low salary. They have gone on to do very well in their chosen careers and both did well at school. If you want to make your child's future more secure and you only have cms to rely on get a job so you have more money coming in and start saving to get some money behind you in case of emergencies.

How long have you been overpaying OP?

Our mortgage goal is university not reception…

You've only got £200k to pay off and you've got 30 good working years to pay it off in. Seriously, this isn't a normal way to think. I advise you to go to the doctor and discuss your thought processes as they seem rooted in anxiety.

Is financial stability important? Yes.

Is it more important than emotional stability, and having a supportive, loving home? NO.

I’m over-simplifying, of course, but providing your daughter with a stable, loving home doesn’t just mean being mortgage-free by 40. (Some people live in rented accommodation their whole lives - would you say they’re letting their children down!?)

You're not failing her by being a single parent. Instead of obsessing over mortgage payments, focus on showing your daughter the strength that comes from being financially independent and not having to rely on another adult to survive, which would leave you very vulnerable and at more risk of emotional and financial abuse.

If later down the line you are tempted to live with a potential partner, think very very hard before moving them in, even if having 2 incomes in the house seems more advantageous for your child. It isn’t always. Gently, you need to change this mindset or you might become tempted in the future to sacrifice your emotional stability, or even your health, just for the sake of having more money coming in.

If you’re not on the breadline, and your job is in a fairly safe industry, you’re fine OP. Really!

How are you proposing you pay £200,000 off in 4 years? Side hustle as a hitman maybe?

Well maybe take it out for a year to give yourself some comfort? Although it probably costs a bit. You really need to get a handle on your anxiety re mortgage. Do you have any idea where that stems from? Lots of people rent for decades for example. You really need to make sure you eat properly. That's a basic need.

If paying off £200k in 4 years is a serious option (albeit with sacrifices) it would make far more sense to pay it over 8/10 years and have a good quality of life.

This is a serious question OP.

How much difference is 'sacrificing your eating' going to realistically make to a monthly mortgage payment?

I mean spending an extra £20 a week on food for example, isn't going to touch a 200k debt, no matter how quickly you want to get it paid.