Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think no one warns you life with teens is tiring

294 replies

Blendiful · 20/05/2024 22:25

Lighthearted but..

You know when your kids are younger people warn you how tired you will be, but no one prepares you for being equally as shattered when they are teens!

In a perfect world I need to get up at about 6am to be able to go to the gym (something I enjoy for me), walk the dog, eat a decent breakfast.
Working full time now the kids are older. Throw into this endless tasks for school, washing, food shopping for the bottomless pits, trying to provide a decent diet 75% of the time. Ferrying to friends/work/college/partners houses/social events some of the time when they can't get themselves there or I'm feeling generous or transport/timings won't work x2 for the amount of teens.

Messages about things forgotten/asking for help/advice about various things. Trying to spend some time together, chasing up homework/course work etc.

Then ideally I need to be in bed by 9pm to get a decent nights sleep, but I have to partake in a fight for the bathroom (we only have 1!) and the teens don't go to bed until later than this! Add in toilet trips/sneaking downstairs, nighttime wandering from the eldest and it can often be 12 before I can drift off.

I am tired! I thought I would be in the stage of doing less and enjoying more now, but it doesnt seem on the horizon.

As I said, lighthearted. I love them and realise some of it I could just leave them to it, but they are both ND and so need that bit of extra support or things just don't get done/get missed or get worse.

Anyone else with teens in this stage and waiting for a good rest Grin

OP posts:
Deathbyfluffy · 21/05/2024 08:50

SherrieElmer · 20/05/2024 22:36

First world problems.

How very supportive! Thank you so much for your incredibly valuable input, how would the forum cope without you?

Ihatelaundry · 21/05/2024 08:49

Comedycook · 21/05/2024 08:42

What blows my mind is parents who have teens and then decide to have another baby and start all over. Mine are 13/16....the only thing keeping me going is the thought that in a few years time they'll both be adults 😂

I’m 100% with you on this. 😅

Ihatelaundry · 21/05/2024 08:44

I’ve got three in/entering this age bracket, and I have been really blindsided by the uptick in the mental and physical workload. I naively thought it would get progressively easier once they went to school! How wrong I was…

Can we just talk about the mess alone? Clothes strewn everywhere from 2-3 outfit changes every day (school clothes, activity clothes, home clothes), cups and dishes left on every surface in living areas and bedrooms, bathrooms littered with products and hair and accessories and appliances and cast-off packaging from toiletries… Then there are the things like homework and projects and electronics and sports equipment and water bottles and books and millions of bottles of nail polish everywhere. I tidy up the house after they leave in the morning, and it is back to a state of total chaos by bedtime. When I ask them to pick up their things or clean their rooms, the complaining is unreal.

Comedycook · 21/05/2024 08:42

What blows my mind is parents who have teens and then decide to have another baby and start all over. Mine are 13/16....the only thing keeping me going is the thought that in a few years time they'll both be adults 😂

daffodilandtulip · 21/05/2024 08:40

15 & 18 yo. A Levels and GCSEs (plus doing an extra level 3 for work myself 🙄). Work 48 hours a week. Single parent.

I have never been so tired in all my life.

BigGlassHouseWithAView · 21/05/2024 08:40

NeverEnoughPants · 21/05/2024 08:34

But my life with teens was an absolute joy, and I found it easier than any of the other stages. I really don't think it could have been much easier, honestly.

I've mentioned this on a few threads, so maybe you are right and you weren't listening 🤔😉

Show quote history

There was a thread not too long ago talking about having teens in a very positive way. It was mostly people saying their teens were lovely, good company, funny and very easy.

elliejjtiny · 21/05/2024 08:40

Yanbu. I have 3 teenagers aged nearly 18, 16 and 13. Plus my younger 2 who are upper primary school age but one has autism and one has learning disabilities so they are still like toddlers in lots of ways.

It's exhausting. And difficult trying to meet the needs of everyone.

NeverEnoughPants · 21/05/2024 08:34

Somepeoplearesnippy · 21/05/2024 08:21

I think people probably told you but you weren't listening!

Conversely. I've never heard anyone say that life with teens is an absolute joy and couldn't be easier. Although maybe they did and I wasn't listening.

But my life with teens was an absolute joy, and I found it easier than any of the other stages. I really don't think it could have been much easier, honestly.

I've mentioned this on a few threads, so maybe you are right and you weren't listening 🤔😉

Original poster
Blendiful · 21/05/2024 08:29

Stopsnowing · 21/05/2024 04:23

Someone once said to me that teens take up headspace. That is tiring. While they are physically independent I have been amazed that I seem to have as little free time as ever. I get up with them at 630am to make sure they get out the house. They go to bed the same time as me. One of them is struggling at school and needs me to help with homework. Same child has a weekend cliub that needs ferrying to. They make a mess (once GCSEs are over I will crack down on this) Plus I am older and so more tired anyway. I used to see friends and take them along as all the kids play together. Obviously that doesn’t happen so if I can’t combine taking the kids places and spending time with my friends.

This is true and resonates also, there is no space/down time. And I didn't think about the friend thing but that's so true! I have to squeeze seeing friends around it all now too and can't combine.

OP posts:
Beezknees · 21/05/2024 08:29

I have a 16 year old and don't find it tiring but to be fair I don't do any ferrying around, we have great public transport and he's got legs. I wouldn't like to live somewhere too out of the way with teens.

He only has one hobby that he does on a Sunday and it's a 10 minute walk from ours so he gets there himself.

I don't help with homework either, I'm not academic and didn't do well at school so I'd be no help anyway! Thankfully he's much cleverer than me and doesn't need my help.

SebHazel · 21/05/2024 08:28

I am a new empty-nester. I have joked that I should have taken mat leave during the teen years, as I found they needed me much more during this phase and it was draining at times.

I would not swap them though for the hideous early years. Teenagers are fabulous overall.

The only cruel thing is that teenagers start to lie in at the stage where some perimenopausal women like me start waking up at four in the morning…

Original poster
Blendiful · 21/05/2024 08:26

AbFabDaaaaahling · 20/05/2024 23:47

My kids are 3, 14 and almost 17. And I teach full-time (primary).
Send coffee. Or wine. Or possibly both 😂

Similar age to my 2 (eldest I don't have the younger!) and I work full time with teens.

I need all the liquids 🤣

OP posts:
BigGlassHouseWithAView · 21/05/2024 08:25

Maybe people don’t prepare you for it because for a lot of us, the teen stage is nice.

My adult and teen child still come to me for advice and youngest needs lifts but life is easy for us.

For me, I liked the baby/toddler stage but the lack of sleep was a killer. Now I sleep when I like so life is good. 😂

Original poster
Blendiful · 21/05/2024 08:25

GellerYeller · 20/05/2024 23:03

Totally resonating here: xtown and ytown, always being available in case they need a lift at silly o clock, and their mate too who lives 5 miles in the opposite direction, sitting outside concerts at £stupid an hour parking fees in far flung cities at midnight, the million pound shoes…
Also adding into the mix: driving lessons. Once you’ve spent hours finding a suitable car(possibly at the expense of your own normal old person car)/insurer/instructor, every possible spare minute is procured from you to sit in while they practice. Any potential for the most minor journey, they want to drive even though this will involve any or all of the following: blind terror, teen meltdown, a simple trip to the shop taking three times as long because they HAVE to reverse park but only if there are seventeen clear spaces together and no one is staring(they’re not obviously).
But I love them so much and from baby to teen has flown by.

Edited

Just starting the driving lesson period now 😖

OP posts:
Original poster
Blendiful · 21/05/2024 08:24

OrangeKettle · 20/05/2024 23:02

You haven’t met my eldest, then.

Selfish, self absorbed, rude, lazy, stubborn…. Quite possibly ND (awaiting assessments).

She is the reason I’m on anti depressants.

My eldest in particular can be like this too. She is ND, it's rough!

OP posts:
Original poster
Blendiful · 21/05/2024 08:24

Glitterybee · 20/05/2024 22:58

Oh yes I get it, every word is true!

I get tired 8-9pm but kids activities sometimes don’t finish until 9/9.30pm so by the time we get home and they do their 20 step shower routines it could be midnight before everyone is in bed. I then wake up at that point and struggle to sleep!

I have full intentions of getting my steps in before work but snooze my alarm due to only getting 4/5 hours sleep…. And the cycle continues 🙄

Yep that sums it up. It's the lying awake worries after a late night to bed. As you say it can be gone midnight by which time my sleep window has passed and I'm wide awake again!

OP posts:
Neurodiversitydoctor · 21/05/2024 08:23

MiddleParking · 21/05/2024 06:29

Six months absolute maximum? The phase the poster describes in which you’re dealing with nappies, toilet training, tantrums and food everywhere? That phase is not even remotely out of the way in six months. Recovery from pregnancy and birth can last anything up to the rest of your life, and breastfeeding is physically laborious for as long as you do it (for me the longest was 16 months, but friends have done it for much longer). You can make your point that the two phases have their own challenges without claiming how relatively short-lived the impact of having babies and then young children is, it’s very clearly anything but.

Show quote history

Well I have done both. I found the adage 9 months up, 9 months down ro be pretty accurate really. I was back at work @ 9 months.

Chocolateorange22 · 21/05/2024 08:22

I'm living in blissful ignorance with my fingers in my ears singing at the moment 🤣 (5&3 year old)

Somepeoplearesnippy · 21/05/2024 08:21

I think people probably told you but you weren't listening!

Conversely. I've never heard anyone say that life with teens is an absolute joy and couldn't be easier. Although maybe they did and I wasn't listening.

BrutusMcDogface · 21/05/2024 08:20

TreesWelliesKnees · 21/05/2024 07:41

For me the baby years were driven by hope and optimism and amazement that I created these little humans. That got me through the sleepless nights. Now, with life having ground me down, I look at my teens and the main feeling is worry, fear for them and responsibility because I created these humans.

This is so well put 💐

AnthuriumCrystallinum · 21/05/2024 08:18

Teens (and young adult) is my favourite stage so far.

That said, I am relentlessly busy, my weekends and evenings are not my own and the expense!!

Someone upthread asked when they stop talking to you all the time. DSS is 20 and at uni on the other side of the country, but always calls for long chats about nothing, usually when he's walking between lectures or doing his laundry. We have to evict our 14 year old from our room most nights because that's when she likes to tell us every single detail of her day, including dramatic readings of her Snapchat messages. Middle child is more reserved, but has a wicked sense of humour and although his main hobby and interest are an absolute time and money drain, I do love the time we spend together on them.

I also still love the novelty of being able to just go out for a meal or whatever with DH without having to book a babysitter.

BrutusMcDogface · 21/05/2024 08:17

Mine are aged between 5-14 and it’s fucking hard. My partner is about ready to leave as he can’t cope with them.

Luio · 21/05/2024 08:12

SherrieElmer · 20/05/2024 22:36

First world problems.

You could say that about some threads but not really about this one. Are you suggesting that only first world parents struggle to juggle work and with caring for their teens?

Hemiola · 21/05/2024 08:08

Totally agree. I had three in nappies so that should've been the hard part right?! But yes, lack of time to myself, the emotional drain, and having to organise so much more. Plus they don't really need you in the same way so there's a sadness as well.
Each stage comes with it's pros and cons but this one caught me off guard!

Fizbosshoes · 21/05/2024 08:04

In the main (in my own experience) I have so far found my teens easier than toddlers... mainly because they don't wake multiple times a night and I can have me-time to read/exercise etc

...But DD went out after last day of school a couple of weeks ago (mid week) I text her at 11.20, saying was she coming home yet as the pub would have closed, and she said no she was hanging around in town (there is nothing to do) but wouldn't be late! I was already in bed but then got dressed and agreed to collect her at 11.50pm (OK not massively late but I did have to get up for work next day!)

And collecting from parties late with a carrier bag in the back in case anyone throws up!

But not every night...and I enjoy their company, I think peri-meno and my own shit ability to sleep is more responsible for tiredness than my teens! (I'm mid 40s)