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Original poster

AIBU to think no one warns you life with teens is tiring

294 replies

Blendiful · 20/05/2024 22:25

Lighthearted but..

You know when your kids are younger people warn you how tired you will be, but no one prepares you for being equally as shattered when they are teens!

In a perfect world I need to get up at about 6am to be able to go to the gym (something I enjoy for me), walk the dog, eat a decent breakfast.
Working full time now the kids are older. Throw into this endless tasks for school, washing, food shopping for the bottomless pits, trying to provide a decent diet 75% of the time. Ferrying to friends/work/college/partners houses/social events some of the time when they can't get themselves there or I'm feeling generous or transport/timings won't work x2 for the amount of teens.

Messages about things forgotten/asking for help/advice about various things. Trying to spend some time together, chasing up homework/course work etc.

Then ideally I need to be in bed by 9pm to get a decent nights sleep, but I have to partake in a fight for the bathroom (we only have 1!) and the teens don't go to bed until later than this! Add in toilet trips/sneaking downstairs, nighttime wandering from the eldest and it can often be 12 before I can drift off.

I am tired! I thought I would be in the stage of doing less and enjoying more now, but it doesnt seem on the horizon.

As I said, lighthearted. I love them and realise some of it I could just leave them to it, but they are both ND and so need that bit of extra support or things just don't get done/get missed or get worse.

Anyone else with teens in this stage and waiting for a good rest Grin

OP posts:
JMSA · 24/05/2024 02:51

Teenage girls here. This is hands down the toughest time of my parenting journey. Maybe not as physically full-on as when they were little, but I am mentally drained. I love them more than life, but the end of their high schooling years (a ballache from start to finish, compared to primary) can't come soon enough. And I fantasise about one day living on my own! Grin

user1477391263 · 24/05/2024 02:44

Do people not lock toilet doors?

jbm16 · 23/05/2024 23:55

9 hours sleep a night, not sure how you can be knackered?

Skip the gym and breakfast, get rid of the dog and you'll have loads of time to relax! 😂

The eldest is learning to drive so hoping the taxi service will reverse shortly!

BlackStrayCat · 23/05/2024 22:24

Mine constantly does and then the cat joins in too.

Samlewis96 · 23/05/2024 21:19

dollybird · 23/05/2024 20:11

I don't think either of my kids EVER walked in on me in the loo/shower

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Mine tried it as toddlers but after the age of about 3 I soon sent them out.

dollybird · 23/05/2024 20:11

ClairDeLaLune · 21/05/2024 17:49

DD is 18 and still walks in on me in the loo if she fancies a chat 😂

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I don't think either of my kids EVER walked in on me in the loo/shower

BruFord · 23/05/2024 00:19

I feel your pain, @BlackeyedSusan . DD (19) is doing a STEM degree and took Physics all the way through school. I stopped at 14 when I chose Chemistry for GCSE. Not to mention the Maths, I got an B at GCSE and that was the end of it for me. 🤣

BlackeyedSusan · 22/05/2024 22:51

Lemonyyy · 21/05/2024 09:59

This! The fucking hoodies in the washing machine! Endless bloody toast! Youtubing algebra with them because I certainly don't understand....

But. But. I love it. She's so much more fun and interesting than a baby. Suspect middle child (currently 10) may be a more difficult/naughty teen but we will see when we get there lol. I enjoy getting to know them as people more.

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Trying to learn the entire physics curriculum when you've not studied it yourself past 13..40+ bloody years ago...

GoodVibesHere · 22/05/2024 19:56

wandawaves · 20/05/2024 23:36

Not so light-hearted, but last night I was lamenting the fact that 10-15 years ago, I was reading cute little bedtime stories to my child, but last night, like many nights over the past few years, I was checking if she had any thoughts of self harm (yes), thoughts of suicide (yes), active plans of suicide (thankfully no).

No one warns you about THAT.

I'd take the newborn sleep deprivation any day. Anything other than this.

I am in this position too. It's heartbreaking.

Original poster
Blendiful · 22/05/2024 19:46

We also don't exactly live rurally, but we live over one side of the city a good 45 min bus ride away from the city centre. This means if they want to go to somewhere the opposite side it can take 1.5-2 hours on public transport. Busses aren't always available at decent times from all areas, and not all areas are safe for them to go wandering around in either. So yes I often choose to take them, but see it often as necessary to make sure they are safe!

OP posts:
Original poster
Blendiful · 22/05/2024 19:44

I'm glad to see this thread is still going and full of people supporting eachother with the drama of teens!

I am still here, still tired 😴

Teens are still coming hunting for food and being equally lovely and frustrating 😆

OP posts:
Polishedshoesalways · 22/05/2024 10:36

Neurodiversitydoctor · 22/05/2024 06:05

That's interesting where do you live now ?

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U.K. and it’s actually much safer

Neurodiversitydoctor · 22/05/2024 06:05

Polishedshoesalways · 22/05/2024 05:45

Sorry but the cities in the Netherlands are smelly, exploiting sex workers,full of drugs and grime. It’s actually the last place you would want to raise pre teens and teens. We couldn’t wait to come home!

Edited

That's interesting where do you live now ?

Polishedshoesalways · 22/05/2024 05:45

Sorry but the cities in the Netherlands are smelly, exploiting sex workers,full of drugs and grime. It’s actually the last place you would want to raise pre teens and teens. We couldn’t wait to come home!

Polishedshoesalways · 22/05/2024 05:38

user1477391263 · 22/05/2024 05:33

https://www.worlddata.info/climate-comparison.php?r1=netherlands&r2=united-kingdom#google_vignette

Are you sure? This and other sources suggest that the Netherlands has (somewhat) higher than average temps than the UK, more sunshine, and fewer rainy days. Perhaps you were in the rainiest bit?

I have no particular opinions on the NL in general for raising teenagers, by the way, just not sure that it's true that the NL is rainier than the UK.

It was our experience! It did not stop raining. It’s boring for teens once you have visited the galleries and Anne Frank’s house and the odd bit of shopping.

There are no outside pools, or places of interest outside in the summer. And everywhere reeks of weed. The tulip park was pretty but teens are generally not especially interested in windmills and tulips. It is very, very druggy. I would rather walk on glass than move back there.

user1477391263 · 22/05/2024 05:33

https://www.worlddata.info/climate-comparison.php?r1=netherlands&r2=united-kingdom#google_vignette

Are you sure? This and other sources suggest that the Netherlands has (somewhat) higher than average temps than the UK, more sunshine, and fewer rainy days. Perhaps you were in the rainiest bit?

I have no particular opinions on the NL in general for raising teenagers, by the way, just not sure that it's true that the NL is rainier than the UK.

Climate comparison: Netherlands / United Kingdom

Compare the climate of the Netherlands with that of the United Kingdom: temperature, precipitation, humidity, rain days, sunshine hours and more.

https://www.worlddata.info/climate-comparison.php?r1=netherlands&r2=united-kingdom#google_vignette

Polishedshoesalways · 22/05/2024 05:20

user1477391263 · 22/05/2024 02:29

One thing about the Netherlands is the excellent cycling tracks they have (completely separate tracks, not a line of paint on a road used by cars) all over much of the countryside. Obviously, they can’t be used for every journey, as some journeys are just way too far. But it gives preteens and teens with electric bikes the ability to do at least some of their journeys alone, which means a lot more independence for them and easier lives for their parents.

Cycling along most rural roads in the UK is really a non-starter - they are so dangerous with cars whizzing around every bend at high speeds.

Amsterdam and city centres in the Netherlands are absolute death traps for cyclists and many pedestrians. It’s utter chaos and extremely dangerous.

The country cycling is possible - along the coast line especially but it’s extremely far and we always struggled to get back. Seriously the reality of so much of this stuff - it’s always raining in the Netherlands ( more than here in fact!) and it’s a miserable experience in the freezing winters..It’s really not how it seems. We lived there for years and did not enjoy it with teens!!

user1477391263 · 22/05/2024 02:29

One thing about the Netherlands is the excellent cycling tracks they have (completely separate tracks, not a line of paint on a road used by cars) all over much of the countryside. Obviously, they can’t be used for every journey, as some journeys are just way too far. But it gives preteens and teens with electric bikes the ability to do at least some of their journeys alone, which means a lot more independence for them and easier lives for their parents.

Cycling along most rural roads in the UK is really a non-starter - they are so dangerous with cars whizzing around every bend at high speeds.

Poettree · 22/05/2024 02:15

BruFord · 21/05/2024 17:49

I agree that the mid-teens are more work than many parents expect. They still need a fair amount of parenting, including nagging about homework, lifts, a strange inability to tidy up after themselves, etc. 😂
Late teens are much easier. The contrast between my DD (19) and DS (15) is huge.

My 18 year old niece came to stay with us and she was absolutely adorable. Obviously she's my niece so she was on her best behaviour but I was amazed at how lovely they are at that age - independent and curious and lovely to chat to.

MiddleParking · 21/05/2024 23:46

Neurodiversitydoctor · 21/05/2024 17:40

I think breast feeding problems, waking every 2 hours and physically recovering from the birth are all done by 6 months absolute latest, in my case my babies slept 7 hours by 10-12 weeks. Toliet training took about 2 weeks each time. I do not relate to the idea of it being physically gruelling for years and years.

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Have to say I’m completely stumped by the overall weirdness of that response.

Franticbutterfly · 21/05/2024 22:55

I don't see mine, they don't tire me out at all. The only thing that bugs me is having to be a referee, oh and the constant eating they do.

Polishedshoesalways · 21/05/2024 20:45

My kids seem to prefer the parties in the country and find towns/ cities quite limiting after a while. All have chosen big cities for uni, so maybe like to come home to sleep and relax!

SallyWD · 21/05/2024 20:26

Beezknees · 21/05/2024 19:46

I'd hate living rural with teens. We also live in a busy town with great public transport. My DS has learned to navigate buses, trains and trams from age 11. It gives him independence and means I don't have to put my own life on hold to take him everywhere.

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We moved house a few years ago. I really wanted to live rurally but just didn't think it was practical with kids (who were soon to be teenagers). I didn't want to spend my life in the car and I didn't want it to be a huge hassle for them every time they wanted to see a friend, go to the cinema etc. I'm glad we stayed in the city for now. Makes life so much easier and we get to the countryside in 15 minutes.

Polishedshoesalways · 21/05/2024 20:23

ClairDeLaLune · 21/05/2024 17:49

DD is 18 and still walks in on me in the loo if she fancies a chat 😂

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And usually steals ALL of the sanitary towels too 😂

Beezknees · 21/05/2024 19:46

TheaBrandt · 21/05/2024 17:54

Why after being a teen in the country I was determined not to put my teens through it. Still get a thrill being able to walk to cinemas / restaurants/ clubs not that interminable car travel and lift /who’s driving faff.

I'd hate living rural with teens. We also live in a busy town with great public transport. My DS has learned to navigate buses, trains and trams from age 11. It gives him independence and means I don't have to put my own life on hold to take him everywhere.

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