I (injured) should have been DHs priority, not BIL (unwell)

Really? You have been receiving bad advice then. Isn't there risk of haematoma or worse?

People either don't understand why the medical advice with a concussion is don't leave the patient alone or are wilfully ignoring that this advice was given to OP and her DH.

The OP may have looked 'fine', but she needed to be supervised because the symptoms can develop and worsen over time.

Imagine if he's trotted off to be yet another by-stander at his brothers side, and she's slipped into a bloody coma whilst in charge of the kids?!

Friend of mine got smacked in the head by her horse (he turned his head fast, horses heads are like a concrete block), she 'looked just fine' for about the first 6 hours... its actually taken her nearly 5 months to recover and get back to work! The symptoms worsened after that first 6 hours and she was very ill indeed and had to be taken back to hospital.

Some people get a huge kick out of being the hero, the rescuer, the person others ask for help... to the detriment of that persons own family. It's incredibly hard to call them out over as 'they're just being nice'... to everyone but their wife and kids of course!

YANBU. Absolutely no need for 4 adults to accompany another adult to A&E, regardless of what he’s attending with. It’s busy enough without full families turning up for a day out, clogging up seats intended for patients. Plus there’s not a thing he could do for his brother that his wife our parents couldn’t have done.

Your husband is an absolute arse.

He had no need to go, you bil had plenty of available help. He left you and your children with zero support. Imagine if you had fallen unconscious.

He's obviously the kind of man who loves lapping up the attention of being the 'good guy" always on hand to help others. Of course he only does it to boost his own self image.

You're at the bottom. Of his priority list OP, he couldn't even be arsed to stay around when he was told there was a medical need to do so. He obviously doesn't feel any need to put any effort into you or your relationship and doesn't even give a shit about his own kids safety.

DH had no need to go.

DH was required to
stay home for the safety of his DC and sick wife.

I’d be booking a convalescent weekend with a friend without DC or DH - it’s the least you deserve.

That’s how I feel @EilonwyWithRedGoldHair , the issue isn’t that he prioritized his brother over the OP in a panicked moment, it’s that he put his children in danger. Young children shouldn’t be left with a concussed adult, end of.

It would be different if they were older and better able to look after themselves, but a 3-year-old simply isn’t safe in that situation.

That's what I’d say to him, OP, that the children need to be his priority.

No. He shouldn't have gone

There was nothing he could do that someone else couldn't have done

I would be getting the ick with a man who put us last regularly. I’d call him early Saturday morning and say I really need a favour, I have this friend and her kids don’t have a dad and one has football and the other just wants a dad to spend precious time and they are only young for sucj a short time and you’re just so good at spending 24 hours a day doing favours for people who aren’t your family so I volunteered you. This actually won’t be your forte as I changed a few details, it’s your kids actually, but anyway I’m going to go out and be home maybe today or maybe tomorrow but it shouldn’t matter because this weekend our kids will have a dad. Then leave. Pack a bag and stay somewhere. When he calls say oh no don’t worry I’m not concussed! Oh but you were happy to leave me with the kids when I was so that’s not it, you don’t care about my health. Why are you calling again?

I think you need to have a serious talk with your husband. Maybe even involve a mediator. He doesn't seem to prioritise you or the children at all.

That is the bottom line and would be a breaking point for me.

This - can't believe people are saying it was reasonable for him to leave his concussed wife with a child with SEN who is up half the night.

If you have children, and even more so children with SEN, sometimes you can't go rushing off to family emergencies because your children have to come first.

It sounds like your husband recieved a very panicked call that his brother had collapsed and had a seizure. I can honestly understand why, in the moment, he went running.

Now you have all the information it's easy now to think he shouldn't have because it wasn't bad enough or worth the risk, did he know that at the time though? Did he know others had also been called and were on their way or was it a very frantic call before he left?

Personally I would be blaming SIL more for her reaction and calling everyone and making people panic. It was just all really terrible timing, hope both you and BIL are doing better.

This. This with bells on

This is awful. Unless my husband got down on his knees to apologise I would be tempted to make plans to leave.

You poor thing op. Hope you’re feeling better

No he shouldn't have left you alone. BIL and SIL had other people they could have called on for help and in the circumstances, DH should have said he can't leave you. But he left at the drop of a hat with no consideration to his own wife, mother of his children. Not good.

I suspect that your DH finds the children too much (and possibly knows and feels bad about this) and going out and helping others makes him feel good about himself... not great. You shouldn't have been left alone.

So your DH left you, concussed, to look after yourself and two DC, despite the medical advice that you should not be alone to be a knight in shining armour to his brother when his brother had a wife and his 2 parents to help him.

YANBU.

And with your further updates about DH going off helping people all the time at the detriment to spending time with you and DC, well it's clear that he thinks of you all as bottom of the pile.

I wouldn't put up with this, OP. The fact that he left you at home is just unforgivable.

So did you say no?

It's not though. A head injury, even one that's been assessed and discharged can change in status over time, and onset in changes in level of consciousness, vomiting and dizziness after hours of stability is a relatively frequent occurrence.

If the OP and her H had asked the physician if she could be sole charge of two small children, one who has SEN, that evening they'd have said no thanks.

I agree it's easy to see why H panicked about his brother, but it's still the wrong call to have made and to have continued to make as the situation unfolded and time went on.

I was on your side to begin with but then saw you had two kids to look after! Absolutely not. OP I can tell you 100% what he did was a total dickhead move. And honestly wtf is up with his SIL calling him like that and ALSO calling his parents?! I really would encourage you to talk to him seriously about this. The fact that he’s not sorry says a lot.

DH is recovering and has concussion just like yourself and a split eyebrow, this happened on Saturday. he was knocked unconscious though. I have stayed with him and even forced myself to stay awake to watch him until 24 hours had passed since his injury so was awake for 30 hours. They kept him in overnight and he was in for about 14 hours.

Your DH was totally in the wrong and your BIL had other adult's available.

Wishing you a speedy recovery.

YANBU.

it doesn’t sound like he found it a tough choice- either do all the drudge parenting work unseen, or show up like a knight in shining armour to a medical emergency that 3 other adults could manage.

Though I can understand his panic over his brother, I would struggle to forgive him dumping his children like that .

I could forgive this if he panicked and grovelled afterwards. However, this does not seem to be the case. There are certain kinds of men who love being a hero and seem almost excited to jump in and help others. Often at the expense of their own nuclear family. It is a very unattractive trait.

Did he know that the others had been called?

You're giving us all this information with hindsight. We've already established that a lot of it wasn't available to him at the time. He might have been the first person she called. Or in her panic she might simply not have mentioned that she'd also called others.

Oh OP, you poor thing. It’s so awful when someone makes you feel low on their list of priorities. What you and a PP say about your DH doing favours for everyone but you is interesting. My dad was exactly the same with my mum - he was the most helpful bloke in the world to friends and acquaintances, but wouldn’t help my mum with us kids or any of her difficulties.

My parents are now divorced. My dad has somewhat seen the error of his ways, but this biggest driver for change has been his new wife. She does things my mum never did: takes time for herself, and has normalised him being left with their shared child/doing the housework. As a result, my dad seems to respect her. I’ve learned a lot from watching all this unfold.

Leaving you alone in your situation with the kids shouldn’t have happened without a discussion at the very least. The brother’s condition does sound scary, but why did SIL not call an ambulance if it was really an emergency? It also sounds like your DH refuses to listen to your concerns, and can’t take criticism. Altogether he seems like a man with a fragile ego, desperate to be liked, who makes effort with all the wrong people.

Are his family totally enmeshed?

I probably would go over in that kind of an emergency because to get that kind of call would genuinely be a scary emergency. If it's the kind of family that phones around because someone stubbed their toe, and every little thing turns into a big drama, then there's bigger problem going on.

Convulsions are frightening to witness and if they come out of the blue, there can be serious issues, so the initial alarm is understandable.
He should have come home sooner. There was no benefit to clogging up an A&E waiting room.