To think nurseries are not safe for young babies

Read up on stories of kids killed by their parents and then come back and tell me that having a good mental health isn't important to a parent.

What about parents who don't have family nearby? You use childcare. If it keeps a warm roof over the head of that baby then nursery is good for him.

Absolutely.
I think any mum who is thinking about putting her baby in a nursery should have first worked in a few before having children. I 100% guarantee you would never put your baby in one day after day if you had worked in a few.

But this is just silly and one sided. Having a career that you continually progress in can have significant benefits for your children. Household income is one of the clearest predictors of children's outcomes.

I'm currently a sahp. For reasons. I have also worked full time as a parent, and it simply didn't work for us.

I have been sneered at and looked down on for this choice, by some other mothers (no men, interestingly), but I've gone through too much horror and abuse in my childhood and life to care.

I also have friends who have no choice but to work - no support. Zero. No "neighbours", no family friends, no spouses etc. I've seen what they've gone through. I have zero judgement on that. I will always be here to helo with childacre for them if I can. What I judge are those who choose to have kids who are well-off - doctors etc, and just stick them into care because of their careers. I've worked in nurseries and seen this time and time again and simply could never understand, out side of "mistake" pregnancies", why they make an active decision to get pregnant when their decision is to simply stick the baby into a nursery as soon as, from 6am until 7pm at night, sometimes 6 days a week (yes, one of the hospital nuseries I worked in was open for that time) I simple......cannot understad that decision making.

I cried at that story of the little girl. Why bother work in a nursery. I'm in the process of becoming a nanny because I love children, if cries or "diva behaviour" annoy you leave go work In McDonald's
I'm sure she showed signs which weren't picked up people like her always do

But cot deaths are one of the sort of death that babies sufffer at home, so I immediately thought of my friend. A gut reaction, so I am sorry, did not mean to upset.

So what you need to move towards is normalising men having a greater role in childrearing rather than deferring from a woman to a paid provider. IMO that is the solution.

Single Dads have no choice !
My dad was sole carer ( With day nurseries) after Mum died.

He eventually remarried.

I believe it's as safe as parents can afford , there make of that what you will .

And be delighted when the 75-80% of teachers who are women all leave so their child's primary school is chronically understaffed.

and it is only women.

Men don't get judged for becoming parents and continuing with their careers that they have worked hard for, or not ''raising'' their children or only spending weekends with them.

Do we really want to go back to days where there were very few women doctors, surgeons, STEM careers etc? Where women had little to no independence and were solely reliant on their husbands with little to no choice? Where they couldn't escape if they were facing abuse?

No thank you.

I’ve met my children, I know for a fact being a SAHM would be harder than going to work! What I dislike is the assumption is that from a lot of SAHM that working mums aren’t “proper” parents - there’s never a question that a working dad isn’t a proper parent but you only have to read this thread to see the absolute disdain a lot of people have for working mums.
If I’m being totally honest I don’t think being a SAHM is a job once the kids are at school, but if I could afford to I’d absolutely be doing it myself!

If I was a young single mum again I would NOT be putting my child in a nursery. I'd sooner live on benefits.
I was lucky I had a wonderful childminder who treated DS like her own but you cannot count on that any more.

This. Oh my Lord. This. In SPADES. Having worked in nurseries, and having children of my own, your boredom is indeed utterly irrelevant. Utterly. You CHOSE to have humans who depend on you. You CHOSE that. They had no choice. "Nurseries are never in the best interests of the baby. They serve the parents needs and wants only". THIS!!!!!.

I would never, ever, put my baby in a nursery, having worked in a number of them. Never. I just wouldn't have more children, if it meant I would have to just stick them in with a bunch of people who truly didn't care about them. I've personally worked with many, many nursery workers, and very, very few genuinely care about children - it;s often teens/young people the nursery employs (because they're cheap), and who don't give a shit about your kid. They're on either minimum wage, or apprenticeship wages (£3.50 per hour last time I checked). You think they're going to truly make an effort with your kid? Nope. Or older women who have simply stayed tiredly in the industry, who are just done with it all because it's hard, endless work, at minimum wage.

I had to watch a little boy wet himself, soak his clothes, because the nursery simply couldn't afford enough staff to be in the room to help escort the littlest ones who needed help going to the toilet . They just had to let him wet himself. And the 18 year old staff member in charge just rolled her eyes and huffed in annoyance, because it was just yet another wetting incident she had to deal with, meanwhile the poor little boy was crying because he was cold and wet. (I reported this all to management, btw. Nothing was done, because "they can't afford more staff)). I saw a 17 year old worker slam a plate of pasta down becasue she was just done with having to look after them. I saw a little girl of only 7 months old just left to sob on her own, because the policy was "no picking up children, they need to learn independence". This was all in different nurseries, by the way ( I was a bank worker).

I reported, every time. And every time, nothing was done. I left childcare, because it just broke my heart.

So should mothers be only mothers and not women and themselves as well? I will be sticking my son in nursery for a bit of me time. Judge away.

Happy mum/dad, happy children.

I think we can’t ever reach equality without also supporting men to be parents. So that means not expecting men to default to the child’s mother, encouraging parents to work PT in the same way for men and women, letting them take paid parental leave, fetching sick kids and working flexibly. We definitely aren’t there yet but in an ideal world men and women would be able to share responsibility. That’s the only way to achieve a perfect balance and it would take a huge societal shift.

When my mum died, Dad had to put me in a day nursery ( several)
One was awful- but two were OK ( hence the moves)
one had a beautiful worker- I still remember her, so kind and calm. All the children gravitated to her.

How do we reduce the price of housing, though? The reason housing is so expensive is because of shortages. The shortages are in large part not caused by immigration( because most of them live in HMO because housing is so expensive) but because of the massive increase in single person households. So we need to build more housing, but can't because people object to it being near them, incentivise older single people to sell up and move to smaller accommodation, but they don't want to, stop people from getting divorced ( how?). We can't go back in time. We have to deal with life as it is. And life as it is is that most families have two working parents. So they need to be supported better by the government or their employers to ensure that they can work flexibly and have safe, decent and affordable childcare.

When you say ‘fair’ fair to who? You or the baby?
Life isn’t about fair. That’s a very immature view.
Its about choices.

1. you have a career and don’t have children
2. You have a career and take a break to look after your baby
3. You have a career but know there is a constant family member ie father or grandmother to be a primary caregiver
4. You continue your career and put the baby in a sub optimal setting that is not best for their development and welfare.

No doubt those of you judging doctors with children at nursery will nobly refuse medical care so they can be at home, where they belong. Ditto the people who clean the public spaces where you have all your mummy baby groups and keep your public utilities running and generally enable your lifestyle where you sit sneering at them on the internet in the middle of the day.

What about those of us single parents who have been left by our partners when our kids are still young, are we meant to foresee the future? Or parents whose partner passes away or becomes too ill to work?

My ex left when my youngest was one and I was still breast feeding. I had to up my hours at work so I could afford to house myself. The alternative of going on benefits and potentially having to move away from where we live and change schools would have been hard on my eldest. Whatever choice I made at that point wasn’t ideal, I could only do my best to muddle through.

Do you expect men to make the same sacrifices?

Who on Earth are you to tell her that, incredibly rude!

The key thing I always think in these kind of threads is:
Does the key person(s) you are leaving your baby with all day love them? Genuinely love them?
I would never ever want to leave by young baby with anyone for hours on end or for days even, with someone who doesn’t love them. A baby or very young child can feel that- they need that love and loving care poured into them constantly.

I believe you can’t have both whilst your kids are small so you either:-

1. accept your career will at the least, stagnate whilst you have young children and focus on being a Mum; or
2. accept it’s not optimal for your children to be raised by other care givers whilst you maintain your career.

I honestly think if you can’t accept that then don’t have children.

I planned to have children when I was senior enough to be able to earn a decent salary PT and also be a desirable employee (and so can demand flexibility etc). But I know I have stalled. I’m comfortable with that though whilst I raise my children.