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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Wedding, Birthday, who is being unreasonable me or DH?

109 replies

weeedling · 20/05/2024 19:46

I have a friends wedding coming up in a couple of weeks. It's during the week and is an afternoon and into the evening do.

DH is not coming, he is in work anyway but he's not a big wedding fan (and doesn't know friend well anyway).

It just so happens that the wedding falls on DHs birthday.

He asked me if I'd be gone all day, I said yes I likely won't be back until late on.

He seems to think I should leave early because it's his birthday whereas I think a birthday happens every year, a wedding only once (hopefully!).

It's not a big birthday (I.e. 40th). He doesn't even usually do anything extravagant for his birthdays and he will be in work during the day anyway.

He doesn't have family living here which I do appreciate but he will have DC (his) with him so not alone and I have said we should do something the weekend of his birthday week too.

Who is being unreasonable?

YANBU - you should stay at the wedding for as long as normal / go with the flow on the day, DH is a grown up and doesn't need you there on his birthday.

YABU - stop being tight, leave your friends wedding early to do something for DHs birthday.

OP posts:
Noseybookworm · 20/05/2024 22:32

I would do breakfast in bed with his cards and gifts and suggest he gets a takeaway in the evening and maybe a movie night with DC? Then you could take him out for a nice meal at the weekend? I think my DH would be ok with that. But we don't normally make a big fuss of birthdays unless it's a 'special' birthday 🤷‍♀️

elizzza · 20/05/2024 21:47

I like a big fuss about my birthday but even I would suck this one up - obviously you should have fun at the wedding and celebrate the birthday the next day!

Doingmybest12 · 20/05/2024 21:43

Of course a wedding trumps a adult's birthday. You just give his present in the morning and wish him a nice day with his children.

daffodilflowers · 20/05/2024 20:43

You are not being unreasonable - I pressed the wrong button by accident, and voted the other way.

DappledThings · 20/05/2024 20:42

He's being ridiculous. If someone I knew left a wedding we were at early to go home and hang out with their husband just because it happens to be his birthday I'd think they were both being silly

Spirallingdownwards · 20/05/2024 20:38

TheNameIsDickDarlington · 20/05/2024 20:34

I don't think it's so much about permission and more about courtesy.

I'd not stop DH going to a friends wedding on my birthday but I'd appreciate being considered before he committed to anything.

Was DH invited to the wedding and chose not to go or was he not invited at all?

He was invited and doesn't want to go according to the OP.

TheNameIsDickDarlington · 20/05/2024 20:34

Spirallingdownwards · 20/05/2024 20:25

1950s called and said its 2024 and you don't need permission.

I don't think it's so much about permission and more about courtesy.

I'd not stop DH going to a friends wedding on my birthday but I'd appreciate being considered before he committed to anything.

Was DH invited to the wedding and chose not to go or was he not invited at all?

Spirallingdownwards · 20/05/2024 20:27

weeedling · 20/05/2024 19:53

Probably make me sound a terrible wife but I'd definitely not have asked first. It's a good friends wedding so I wouldn't miss it because DH didn't want me to go.

He did know it was on his birthday though, I told him as soon as she told me the date!

It doesn't make you a terrible wife at all. Indeed if you felt you needed to it would mean you had a terrible husband.

Spirallingdownwards · 20/05/2024 20:25

TheSnowyOwl · 20/05/2024 19:48

I would have checked with DH if he was ok abour me going before accepting the wedding invite.

1950s called and said its 2024 and you don't need permission.

pizzaHeart · 20/05/2024 20:24

Last year DH came back very late on my birthday. This year DD had an event on his birthday, I took her so essentially we both were out. He was watching TV.

On my birthday we all were busy the whole day - then celebrated on Sunday.
He could do something fun with kids.

Cofaki · 20/05/2024 20:20

Can you do him breakfast in bed with his gifts and cards before he goes to work? So it feels a bit special?

ChimneySweepLiverpool · 20/05/2024 20:16

When my birthday is mid week I usually celebrate on the weekend as its easier for everyone. Once he still gets to celebrate with you I see no problem with you going to a wedding, especially when he had the choice to go

BeaRF75 · 20/05/2024 20:15

Oh FFS, no normal adult makes a fuss about their birthday! My husband will be away on my birthday this year (actually for a whole week) and was last year. This is because it's very convenient for what he will be doing. I don't care at all - good for him, I'm glad he's enjoying life. Go to your friend's wedding, OP, and have a lovely time.

BookArt · 20/05/2024 20:13

I just went to a midweek wedding this week that landed on my child's second birthday. At the time of the invite my ex said I was outrageous even considering going to the wedding. Thankfully he is now an ex and I had a great time at the wedding and I celebrated the day before with little one and a party at the weekend.

Your husband is at work, so I don't see why he thinks the wa he does. You aren't never celebrating it, you're just postponing until the weekend like mot people do!

rwalker · 20/05/2024 20:02

it’s a difficult one because different people place different values on birthdays

personally I think he’s being ridiculous but to me a birthday is just another day so perhaps I’m the wrong person to ask

but as an adult mid week surely it would be better to celebrate at weekend

I’d do a birthday breakfast like a fry up or something

TheSnowyOwl · 20/05/2024 20:02

Nicebloomers · 20/05/2024 19:52

He’s being a bit of a baby. Everyone celebrates birthdays at the weekend if they fall midweek. Does he want to play pass the parcel too?

Not everyone celebrates at the weekend and very few adults play pass the parcel, so that’s irrelevant.

weeedling · 20/05/2024 19:59

MultiplaLight · 20/05/2024 19:56

Could he join the wedding for the evening?

He's being a bit precious otherwise.

DH was invited yes but he's working dduring the day and has his children in the evening that night (childfree wedding) so wouldn't be able to come however, he didn't want to anyway.

OP posts:
Saintmariesleuth · 20/05/2024 19:58

ChronicallyOversharing · 20/05/2024 19:56

@Saintmariesleuth you just press the other option and it changes it.

Have already done it, but thank you. I was expecting something more complicated.

MultiplaLight · 20/05/2024 19:56

Could he join the wedding for the evening?

He's being a bit precious otherwise.

ChronicallyOversharing · 20/05/2024 19:56

@Saintmariesleuth you just press the other option and it changes it.

Riverlee · 20/05/2024 19:55

Was dh invited to the wedding with you? If he was that separate to spend time with you on his birthday, he could have accepted the invite!

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 20/05/2024 19:54

What do you normally do on his birthday?

weeedling · 20/05/2024 19:53

TheSnowyOwl · 20/05/2024 19:48

I would have checked with DH if he was ok abour me going before accepting the wedding invite.

Probably make me sound a terrible wife but I'd definitely not have asked first. It's a good friends wedding so I wouldn't miss it because DH didn't want me to go.

He did know it was on his birthday though, I told him as soon as she told me the date!

OP posts:
YorkNew · 20/05/2024 19:53

I think you should make a fuss for his birthday on the day before (if he usually does the same for you) even if it means two school nights out in a row. I always thinking celebrating a bit earlier is more fun than afterwards. You could always give him
an early morning birthday present too.

Nicebloomers · 20/05/2024 19:52

He’s being a bit of a baby. Everyone celebrates birthdays at the weekend if they fall midweek. Does he want to play pass the parcel too?

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