Wedding, Birthday, who is being unreasonable me or DH?

bananaramaterry
It was op’s ‘it’s not even a big birthday’. It’s not about the day, if dh said we’ll do something the day before then fine, but if the conversation went anyway like the ‘but it’s just your birthday’ honestly yes I’d be really pissed off, I wouldn’t be able to help it, we make a fuss over birthdays in this house!

campingwithdoggo
@stayathomer you sound utterly insufferable and completely passive aggressive
😅Im just being honest!! Fine if a partner wants said ‘we’ll do something on such a day instead’ but ‘it’s not even a big birthday’ to me says ‘but it’s just your birthday!’

@stayathomer you sound utterly insufferable and completely passive aggressive

@Lurkingandlearning perhaps he could have a new party dress for the occasion as well

I agree. You can celebrate his birthday the day before, which would be nice.

But as I’m feeling grumpy this morning I think you should celebrate at the weekend. Pull out all the stops- banners and bunting, a party with jelly and ice cream and a cake in the shape of his favourite cartoon character, hire a clown. No, not a clown - he may feel upstaged. Hire a juggler instead

Make/buy him a birthday cake that he can enjoy with his children on his actual birthday and do something with him at the weekend.
Enjoy the wedding.

@TheNameIsDickDarlington the OPs DH was invited to the wedding, what are you talking about?

So a one off exceptional event of your partner going to a wedding, not a night out at the pub that he could do anytime, would make you act like that?

Your poor DH!

Really?

Oh no, grown adults making a fuss about their own birthday is yuck.

Celebrate at the weekend like everyone else does.

(there is currently a thread on why birthdays are such let downs!!)

Would you mind linking to it? I had a look but couldn't find it.

In our house birthday celebrations are moved to the nearest convenient (for everyone) weekend. So it’s a NBU from me.

Okay, that clarity helps, my fault for assuming that "his" in the OP was just clarifying he's not their step father.

In that case it's fair enough to encourage him to have a nice evening doing what he wants with them then make up missing his birthday later.

Your friend's wedding is an exceptional circumstance. As you say OP, birthdays happen every year. Of course he should get a card/present on the day but surely, especially as he is working and then is with his children, the celebration can be held on a different day.
I'm not a big celebrator of birthdays but due to circumstances very rarely do I have any sort of celebration on the day. Always on a convenient day. In fact the same with Mother's Day -I never get my Mother's Day treat on the official day.
So long as the actual day is acknowledged in some way then surely celebrating on a different day shouldn't be an issue?
I think it would be rude to your friend to leave her wedding celebration for this.

Wouldn't be an issue for us, unless it was a special birthday. We wouldn't normally celebrate until the weekend anyway. X

YANBU he's not a child, he can celebrate his birthday at the weekend.

Sorry op, if dh went to a wedding on my birthday, big or not, I’d be going around clattering everything around the place all evening- very different to having to go to work or someone being sick or something. Some people don’t care but if you do, you do (there is currently a thread on why birthdays are such let downs!!)

a wedding only once (hopefully!).

^ even if it's your friend's second or third marriage it doesn't mean she cares less! I imagine very few people have a wedding if they think their marriage isn't going to last and deem each one as worthy of celebrating.

I've posted this word for word on a different thread, but I believe it.

I think birthdays are important because it's good for everyone (who's not a total shit) to have at least one day a year where their nearest and dearest make a fuss of them. But sometimes life happens, and the exact day of isn't feasible. So they should get to treat themselves on that day, as much as they can, and their loved ones should make up for it as close as is practically possible.

So yanbu to have a conflicting commitment on the day of.

But you should a) make it up to him on a different day and b) figure out if he wants to actively do something with the kids, or something solo/with friends on the day while you organise childcare for the wedding. Dictating that he spend his birthday facilitating your alternate plans crosses a line.

When a woman posta on here about her birthday everyone says the man has to drop everything and do what she wants, it happens regularly

I would have no issues with dh or I going to a wedding we would just celebrate on the weekend but the double standard is popular on here

You can change your vote

I definitely wouldn’t do this, nor would I want anyone to check with me before accepting! op told him the date & that’s fine imo.

Op, YANBU, do something nice on the weekend instead with him.

In my relationship dynamic the weekend before or after would be fine for a celebratory meal or whatever.

However, if he’d like you there for dinner on his birthday I’d get back and do that. He’s your life partner, the friend isn’t even a joint friend

What does he normally do on his birthday?