Wedding, Birthday, who is being unreasonable me or DH?

Oh he’s being unreasonable and maybe a bit controlling.

he should go to the wedding, and he’s not guilt tripping you for him being antisocial? Inappropriate.

just set something up for him and DC to do while you’re gone, and the next day for the hopeful hangover. And get a hotel for herself with a friend and have a hoot.

I agree.
My dh had to spend his birthday at a funeral this year. I think it very selfish of his friend to die knowing that it was nearly his birthday and selfish of the family to not call everyone that the deceased has ever known to find out when there birthday is to make sure that the funeral wouldn't clash.

OP. YANBU. He is supposed to be a grown man and sometimes life takes priority over birthdays. He will have to get over it.

My husband and I do shifts, so we celebrate birthdays on the nearest available day. We're adults.
Your husband is working and then has HIS kids in the evening. What was he expecting you to do anyway?

One of my husband's childhood friends got married the weekend of my birthday. She lives quite far from us so it only see her once every 2 years.
Because we had to travel for the wedding we stayed for the weekend. We arrived on the Friday, the wedding was Saturday, my birthday was the Sunday and we travelled home on the Sunday afternoon.
On the Wednesday after the weekend of the wedding and my birthday my husband suddenly realised that it was my birthday and he had completely forgotten about it.
Neither of us mentioned by birthday while we were at the wedding and I never mentioned it afterwards.
My husband was apologetic when he realised a few days later but I didn't mind.
Like you said a wedding is a one time thing and birthday happen every year.
Last year on my birthday there was a concert I wanted to see in London. It just so happened to be on the same day as my birthday.
So I went to London for 2 days on my own because my husband had to stay home with our disabled child.
We didn't even see each other on my birthday and neither of us mentioned it at the time either.

YANBU enjoy the wedding and do something with him another night.

Oh yes 😆

Your husband reminds me of my dad’s cousin.
We went to the coast to visit Dad’s aunt during Easter vacation when I was about 8.
The cousin was in his 50s - he threw a full-on tizzy because his wife didn’t get him an Easter basket filled with candy and stuffed animals.
At age 8 I was embarrassed for this grownup.
His mother’s basement had flooded and that had taken precedence over everything else.

How old is too old for birthday parties and Easter baskets when there are more pressing things to attend to?

Well on the day of my 40th I will be sitting on a train for hours home from the yearly visit to dp’s family!
as much as I like them it’s not a holiday so not top choice of way to spend my 40th

no celebration for me!

YANBU! Enjoy the wedding.

You are absolutely not a terrible wife. It’s your friend’s wedding!!! I am baffled by folk who think you should be pandering to your DH’s strop.

No, you go to the wedding, stay for a few drinks and get back home for when the child is in bed. He hasn't day he doesn't want her to go just that he works like it if she wasn't out late. There's a massive difference - OP also doesn't say how old the DC is which makes a massive difference so young that you can only go to a family pub means they'll likely be in bed before 8, and then the husband is sat alone on his birthday.

I'm the same, I don't even book things for the day of my partners children's birthdays and we don't even live together!
It just seems weird not wanting to see someone you supposedly love on their birthday!

He can't join her that's the point though isn't it, she knows it's a child free wedding and he's got his children that night!

Do pressies and breakfast on the morning, write in his card the restaurant you have booked, the date and time for the weekend and suggest a night to remember! Leave him to do whatever on his birthday as you have then covered all bases for the weekend!

Unless you normally do something special for his birthday (& your birthday) that involves going out on the actual day of the birthday etc I don’t see what the issue is. He’s a grownup, it’s not a significant birthday, you can do something on another day if you are so inclined.

You are very much not being unreasonable!

It depends, if your DH says to you I'm fucking off out with my friends on your birthday and I know you can't come, I'm not going to be back until late and I'm not going to see you at all even though I know you've got no family around - would you be okay with it?

If not then YANBU
If you'd be even slightly miffed YABU

It's weird because a wedding trumps a birthday. A one-off always takes precedence over something that happens every year and can be celebrated on a day near to it. It's definitely an alternative universe to me where that's in the least bit controversial.

DH spent his last birthday at our nephew's 8th birthday then sharing the 4 hour drive to my parents. Because it was half-term and it was the only day it made sense to do the journey. Was it his ideal birthday? No. Was it entirely acceptable because he's an adult and sometimes that's just how it is? Yes, without a doubt.

Do you think he's pretending it's because it's his birthday when really he just wants you with him to help with his kids?

Sometimes I feel like I live in an alternate universe. I wouldn't go to another event on mine or my husband's birthdays. Similarly I wouldn't plan an event on the birthday of a member of family or friend. Not sure why that's weird.

Do you think he'd maybe not mind as much if you were less dismissive?

I think if I were in your DH's position I'd ultimately be happy for my partner to go to a wedding on my birthday if I were busy and I had no plans but I think I'd be a bit peeved if he presented it to me as a fait accompli that he'd be going alone without asking if I mind

Sounds like he is pissed of he will have to look after his own child and not depend on you.
Enjoy the wedding op

I had the chance to celebrate on the day last year & husband was ill!

YANBU. A birthday doesnt have to be celebrated on the actual day; a wedding does.

And (hopefully) your friend will only have the one wedding, whereas a birthday comes every year.

Is your dh inclined to be a bit jealous of your friendships?

I don't I celebrate my birthday on the day....

My birthday never changes so my partner knows what I like to do on my birthday...

If he had a wedding on my birthday I'd expect him home at a reasonable time so we can celebrate my day too.

Wether I have my DS or not its nice to spend it together as a family.

So he doesn't really want to do anything but also doesn't want you to go out?