Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take what a 5 year old says that seriously?

110 replies

Kusama · 20/05/2024 16:03

I don't know how seriously to take my 5 year old.

My DH (DS dad) is hands on dad but also quite grumpy. He looks exasperated a lot of the time. He doesnt shout all that much but he doss have a pissed off vibe a lot. Sometimes he really loses his temper but not often. He is also very into rough play, so lots of throwing DS around which I find annoying as the last thing DS needs is being wound up. I think it's unfair on DS as he then gets told off for being hyper.

So my question. DS has started saying things like

"Can dad not live here anymore" "daddy is scary and naughty man" "I only love mummy" and just now after school DS heard a noise and said "oh no, is that daddy"

Pls don't jump down my throat but kids say all kinds of stuff dont they? DS also often tells me how he doesnt like so and so kid from school or some teacher is mean and that stuff I listen to him but don't obviously do anything about it!

Is DS saying stuff about DH unusual? I've told H and he seems quite relaxed/almost happy about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kusama · 20/05/2024 16:13

I do take it seriously in sense I reassure him and listen to him. But I see in same vein as when he says "the PE teacher is mean sometimes".

@pinksunglasses he doesnt do it consistently and he often runs to H when he does get home. He's seemingly happy in H company but these comments are starting to creep in. I do know it's concerning but I also know he says "i hate you" sometimes to me when I tell him to go bed and he is cuddling me a minute later of course. I agree with you that H reaction is a concern.

OP posts:
Excited101 · 20/05/2024 16:13

That’s how I felt as a child. Horrible. It doesn’t have to be abuse, It can just be that a grumpy, perfectionist, unreliable (in the emotional sense) parent, is a really disliked one.

Leafalotta · 20/05/2024 16:12

There's a difference between taking what a 5 year old says literally, and taking it seriously. 5 year olds don't always tell the literal truth, but your son is conveying something here.

It might not be that he doesn't like daddy btw - it might be that he is picking up that you don't approve of daddy's behaviour, and is communicating that back to you. But it does need you to consider it further, certainly.

Eggmoobean · 20/05/2024 16:11

Giant red flag. Whatever your ds is trying to express to you is serious as he is clearly fearful and unhappy when his dad is around . I have a 5 and 7 year old. They have never said anything remotely like this.

Julia66 · 20/05/2024 16:09

Your DH sounds like a bully.

pinksunglasses · 20/05/2024 16:09

Would I take a five year old seriously if they said ‘I don’t like you’ in a tantrum after they’ve been denied sweets or extra television or something? No, that’s normal.

Your five year old consistently expressing fear/anxiety regarding his Dad’s presence - even if he’s not around? I can’t think of many things I’d take more seriously tbh.

It’s also a giant red flag that your dh seems ‘almost happy’ that his son dreads his presence. You must know that?!

TheFormidableMrsC · 20/05/2024 16:09

I would be very concerned if my child was frightened of his father and you're trying to minimise it. It's not normal, no.

pointythings · 20/05/2024 16:08

I would be concerned and would be watching their interactions more closely. If your DS isn't happy around his dad, that needs addressing. If on the other hand he's happy and relaxed when they play, it may be something your DS has heard somewhere. Nothing wrong with keeping an eye out.

LauderSyme · 20/05/2024 16:06

I think you should take him seriously. 5 year old kids don't say things like that unless they mean them. Your DH needs to do some work on himself. Poor DS 😔

Mindblownawaybyfog · 20/05/2024 16:05

My ds9 has never said that. Maybe you need to see his life from his eyes a bit more...
Imo.