To not take what a 5 year old says that seriously?

Honestly @Kusama that’s really troubling. He’s scared of his dad and his dad doesn’t care? What will happen when he’s older and answers back? Awful role model for him.

This is not normal, and nor is your husband's reaction.

I'd be a bit worried to b honest op, not even especially about abuse exactly but just that their relationship needs work.

To give a different perspective... My son is 4.5 and has always been very, very attached to me. DH is a hands on, kind dad but I have always been the "preferred parent" to put it mildly. Ds started saying he just wanted it to be me and him etc. It wasn't so much that he didn't love DH, just that he was so hyper focused on me that he saw time with DH as time it wasn't just us and he didn't like it.

This peaked last year and it got to the point we were looking into courses and resources to help - I couldn't do anything myself and felt suffocated and DH felt sad and rejected. That is the difference - DH felt awful and wanted things to change. Things did change and are much better now, ds and DH have things that are "theirs" and ds loves nothing more than the 3 of us being together.

That your dh seems happy and relaxed about hearing his son is expressing fear and sadness around their relationship is quite worrying.

"But be aware a lot of posters are going to imply your kid is being sexually abused by his dad, they’re obsessed with it on here 🙄"

You're literally the only person that even went there @EmilyTjP 🙄

You need to take it seriously. We went briefly through this stage too a few months ago with a similar aged DC. Your child’s feeling are valid.
I spoke to my DH several times about the tone he was using (he WFH and often is stressed after a call etc and uses the same tone with us - which I have told him is unacceptable as we aren’t his employees). My DH didn’t get it until my DC told one of his teachers the same stuff about daddy and she was kind enough to speak to me and my DH (who finally got how serious it is) before going to the next step and reporting.

This sounds quite worrying.

Your dh needs to tone down how he plays.
Living with someone who often has a pissed off vibe is oppressive and draining, so he needs to tone that down too.
Life isn’t meant to be like this.

As for this ridiculous comment:

But be aware a lot of posters are going to imply your kid is being sexually abused by his dad, they’re obsessed with it on here 🙄

No one apart from you has mentioned it. If there are red flags for sexual abuse I’d rather hope someone flags it up, even if they’re accused of being obsessed. But weird to have a problem with MNers flagging up the potential of harm to a child

Hmm. I have this to a very small extent with my 5 year old but my DH immediately started moderating his behaviour - he's a bit of a grump but makes a conscious effort to be even-tempered with DS. So I would be most concerned about your DH's reaction because it broke my DH's heart to hear that our son was worried about DH's reactions to things.

On the rough play, there's a very good episode of Bluey on this point. Rough play can be okay to a point but it's often hard for a child to say no when they want it to stop (and be heard)

I would be taking that seriously. He honestly sounds scared of his dad

My 4.5yo talks utter shite - recent example is telling her childminder that we don't have a washing machine and that I hand wash our stuff. We definitely do have a washing machine, and I don't hand wash our clothes. However, with something of a serious nature like your DS is saying, I would certainly not ignore. Young children tell tall-tales and have incredible imaginations but saying personal things about his DF seems like something you should look into and not brush off as a lie.

You DS not wanting you to ask questions isn’t good either.

Yeah.. that ain’t right.

That's not normal, at all. You need to be a lot more worried.

Those aren't normal comments.

I don't think these comments are normal. I think your son is trying to tell you something with the limited language that a 5 year old has. He may well not enjoy his dad's rough play. You need to ask your DH to tone it down and try doing other activities with him, park, sports, games, crafts, lego, trains, cars etc.
What worries me more though is you are obviously treading on eggshells with your DH and know he's not going to take it well. He needs to put his child's happiness first, not be obsessed with some macho versions of fatherhood. Please stick up for your little boy.

Does your child say similar things about other adults?

I have a 5 year old son and he has never said that about my husband

"I've told H and he seems quite relaxed/almost happy about it."

Fucking hell. I'd be telling him in no uncertain terms to keep his hands off my child. He sounds like a psycho

Have you tried probing to find out why he is saying these things? Ideally when dad isn't around

Exactly this. I'd really be worried by him saying this. Not all kids like rough play, and he's obviously aware of his dad's temperament and it's concerning him.

The next time he says this you need to ask him more questions as to why. It's not normal for your son to say those things

Your DH being relaxed / happy about your DS saying those things is more of a red flag for me than your son actually saying those things. My DP would be devastated if my daughter said anything similar. I do think you need to listen to your 5 year old, it's a really unusual thing for someone so young to say for no reason.

This would deeply concern me, if he's jumpy and has mentioned this more than once he's obviously anxious. I'm not sure your husband being amused is the right response 🫤

Yes I would pay attention to what your son is saying and I’d also have a discussion with your husband so he’s aware how your son is feeling. Hopefully this will shock him into changing his attitude.

But be aware a lot of posters are going to imply your kid is being sexually abused by his dad, they’re obsessed with it on here 🙄

Your DHs reaction made my stomach drop a bit tbh. This doesnt sound normal to me, especially the "oh no is that Daddy" and "can Daddy not live here anymore". The other comments are more open to interpretation.

I would try and take a step back and really look at this whole situation from DS's point of view and reevaluate.

What happens when DH loses his temper? Are you scared of him too? Who is telling DS off for being hyper when hes been wound up?