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Original poster

To think this is a dumpable offence?

58 replies

musicthroughthewall · 20/05/2024 15:56

Not been with my boyfriend long (3months ish) and last night we went to the pub to meet with my group of friends for the first time (mix of genders as partners are there too).

My boyfriend lives 20 mins from me but wouldn’t have had any reason to come to this area before meeting me. He bumped into an old female friend at the pub who I believe is an ex of one of his friends.

Anyway they both kept going out for a smoke and each time they were out there ages chatting. I felt so embarrassed that he spent more time with her than he did with me and my friends.

For reference my boyfriend isn’t the shy anxious type, so it wasn’t that he was nervous.

OP posts:
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Guavafish1 · 20/05/2024 22:31

Yes, I had an ex boyfriend who would do the same. Invite me out to work or informal dinners or pub events.

Then leave me with his friends and colleagues for long time. I knew he didn't want to talk to me.

It was super strange... anyway they were other things but they all added up and I realised I was not happy.

Don't wait to work these things out.

VeraForever · 20/05/2024 22:27

Maybe he found integrating with a bunch of your friends stressful?
I would.

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 20/05/2024 22:26

Hope you are ok op just seen you finished it xx

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 20/05/2024 22:25

Aquamarine1029 · 20/05/2024 18:02

He wasn't even the slightest bit concerned with making a good impression to the people you care about. That speaks volumes.

Add that to the fact he smokes, he should be dumped immediately.

This!!

RenoDakota · 20/05/2024 22:15

musicthroughthewall · 20/05/2024 21:42

Well I’ve messaged him to end it so doesn’t really matter now.

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Good for you, OP. That was shit behaviour by him. And how the hell does it take that long to have a smoke?!
If he was keen to make a good impression with your friends and make you happy he would have been back in much sooner than that.

Original poster
musicthroughthewall · 20/05/2024 21:42

sososotocvfgft · 20/05/2024 21:21

Sounds low effort, he obviously didn't have any interest in making a good impression on you in terms either how he might fit into
your life, I'm guessing he views you more as a fling/bit if fun than anything longer term.

Well I’ve messaged him to end it so doesn’t really matter now.

OP posts:
sososotocvfgft · 20/05/2024 21:21

Sounds low effort, he obviously didn't have any interest in making a good impression on you in terms either how he might fit into
your life, I'm guessing he views you more as a fling/bit if fun than anything longer term.

TrishM80 · 20/05/2024 21:17

musicthroughthewall · 20/05/2024 16:07

I wouldn’t have given a shit if it was literally how you are saying it was.

I think we got there about 7ish and left at 10ish. He took at least 2 breaks that I’d guess were 30-40 minutes.

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That's not 70%! That's not even 50%!!

FuckOffTom · 20/05/2024 21:12

You say he made zero effort with your friends. When he was inside with you all, did he join in the conversation?

HelloJillll · 20/05/2024 21:00

musicthroughthewall · 20/05/2024 20:23

He didn’t just become a smoker. Geez. I really don’t care that he smokes or who and would not dare a smoker. It’s really got fuck all to do with any of this:

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It would be quite the plot twist if he didn’t smoke.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/05/2024 20:30

musicthroughthewall · 20/05/2024 20:27

He has many friends of the opposite sex, I I don’t care.

I care that I introduced him to my friends and he made absolutely zero effort.

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So you have your answer then, obviously. Dump him. He's not worth your time.

Original poster
musicthroughthewall · 20/05/2024 20:27

musicthroughthewall · 20/05/2024 20:26

It would have been rude either way.

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He has many friends of the opposite sex, I I don’t care.

I care that I introduced him to my friends and he made absolutely zero effort.

OP posts:
Original poster
musicthroughthewall · 20/05/2024 20:26

albertoross · 20/05/2024 20:13

I think you're focusing too much on that she's a woman

It would have been rude either way.

OP posts:
Jeannie88 · 20/05/2024 20:26

I always believe in giving people a chance, a good job I did as we've been together for over 26 years! It takes a bit of time to get used to a relationship and adjusting. Me and dh have always had friends of the opposite sex, well more me really, and it really is (maybe irrationally but understandably in the early stage) natural to be a bit insecure. Xx

Original poster
musicthroughthewall · 20/05/2024 20:25

DragonGypsyDoris · 20/05/2024 20:11

You should be dumped for being controlling and needy.

Elaborate on how this is controlling and needy.

OP posts:
Original poster
musicthroughthewall · 20/05/2024 20:23

ItsFuckingBoringFeedingEveryoneUntilYouDie · 20/05/2024 19:19

I'd dump for being a smoker regardless of how long he was outside for.

He didn’t just become a smoker. Geez. I really don’t care that he smokes or who and would not dare a smoker. It’s really got fuck all to do with any of this:

OP posts:
albertoross · 20/05/2024 20:13

I think you're focusing too much on that she's a woman

DragonGypsyDoris · 20/05/2024 20:11

You should be dumped for being controlling and needy.

MonsteraMama · 20/05/2024 19:59

Oh good yet another thread where I can observe in amazement the abysmally low standards some women have for men.

It's been three months, he was rude, inconsiderate and disrespectful to both you and your friends. Plus he smokes so... Just dump and move on, you're not losing anything worth having here.

HelloJillll · 20/05/2024 19:51

I’d dump him for smoking. How retro.

SeriaMau · 20/05/2024 19:49

5128gap · 20/05/2024 18:13

Yes, he was rude. Basically giving the message that spending time with someone he knew already was preferable to spending it with the people he'd agreed to meet. Even if he was bored silly by your friends manners dictate he put up with it for a few hours. No one would force him to go again. So yes, I'd dump him because I couldn't be doing with someone who had no sense of social etiquette. Always surprising on here the hoops people jump through to excuse a man. Anyone would think they'd declared a shortage and we had to make do with what we could get.

Absolutely. MumsNet is riddled with posters bending over backwards to excuse the most heinous of behaviours committed by men. This love/in for all things make has got to stop.

SeriaMau · 20/05/2024 19:46

Does he want to shag her? A lot of red flags here. Dump him straightaway.

ItsFuckingBoringFeedingEveryoneUntilYouDie · 20/05/2024 19:19

I'd dump for being a smoker regardless of how long he was outside for.

NewMe2024 · 20/05/2024 19:13

What you’ve described isn’t 70% of the time but I still would take it as a very bad sign. He wasn’t interested in getting to know your friends and he was overly invested in another woman that he knows. I would take it as a red flag and yes, probably break up with him. Good that this happened after only three months and that you’re not willing to put up with it.

Brexile · 20/05/2024 19:08

I regret not dumping someone who once did this. It was typical of him a) acting like a single guy and b) always putting any random person (although especially available women) ahead of me. Is it a one off or part of a pattern? If the latter, you definitely know what to do!

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