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AIBU?

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Original poster

To go back to work?

29 replies

Soupisnotdinner · 20/05/2024 14:27

My DD is almost a year old and I’m trying to decide whether or not to go back to work FT, PT or be a SAHM for a while. My feelings about this have vacillated hugely over the last year.

Financial situation

  • DH earns £150K a year + annual bonus. This bonus fluctuates (it was £40K last year, £12K the year before).
  • I earn £75K a year. This may go up, but would require FT work, some overtime and quite a lot of hard work and graft.
  • I have the option of going back 2-3 days a week, which would allow me to ‘keep my hand in’ and contribute to the family income. However, in my field, going PT is basically career death. I’d be accepting zero career progression for the foreseeable future.

Domestic situation

  • I’m not sure I’m a ‘natural mother’. I love my DD so very much, but I find quite a lot of it relentless and exhausting.
  • DH is super supportive and more than pulls his weight at home.
  • We have a cleaner and a gardener, so I’m not exactly overwhelmed with stuff to do.

My quandary

  • My baby is glorious and I love her. It feels a bit mad to go back to work when I’m in a position to spend time with her. I worry that I’ll regret it if I don’t stay home. I have quite a lot of guilt about the fact that I’m not enjoying maternity leave more.

We live in SE England and have a large mortgage/high outgoings, but are still financially fine, whatever I decide. DH had no strong feelings and just wants me to be happy. But I have no idea what would make me happy.

What have you done? What would you do in this situation? Any and all suggestions are welcome. I’ve tried to provide all the necessary info, so my apologies if this is long.

OP posts:
redskydarknight · 20/05/2024 14:46

Go back part time. It might mean no career progression in the immediate future, but becoming a SAHP will mean you go backwards.

I'd also say (as someone who was also not a "natural mother") that I appreciated my DC more if I didn't have to spend all my time with them. Also, you might find them more interesting when they are a bit older never understood why people coo over babies as they don't really do anything

pointythings · 20/05/2024 14:41

I would go back part time. It's the scenario I would have chosen if it had been possible back when mine were little. You get DD time and adult time, and both are really important.

Chocolateorange22 · 20/05/2024 14:38

Our household income is nowhere near yours

My DH was happy like yours for me to do as I pleased. I didn't go back to work as COVID hit, we had to shield and I didn't fancy becoming a single parent effectively to keep the rest of the household safe. I had some similar feelings to you, I found being a SAHM quite dull sometimes. When my second was a few weeks old my previous employer reached out as they wanted someone on a small amount of hours to just do admin. They let me pick my days and hours and three years later I'm still doing it. Means I can pick the kids up from school (less guilt) but I'm using my brain and being me for a few days a week. Yes it's freezed my career for a few years but I've got the best of both worlds at the moment. In September my youngest will be upping pre school to 5 days a week (currently 4) and I'll have two weeks days to myself when they are in. I feel that this will be a good measure of a) being present as much as I can and b) having some time to myself.

Applesandpairsofrocks · 20/05/2024 14:32

Go back part time, it won’t be career suicide not to progress but as you say will keep your hand in

if you find it to much you can always quit nothings final

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