Neighbours daughter

Hurt people shouldn't hurt people but they often do.
What she said was out of line but perhaps it was coming from a place of hurt?
If your children are good friends maybe you could sit down together with compassion and have a chat and explain it was only good intentions as you are also an only child, see if you can clear the air and set boundaries? Obviously her response to this with let you know a lot more, if she responds negatively again then pull back and don't invite her child places, as sad as that would be.

Playing devils advocate here but maybe she is embarrassed that she will not be able to do the same for your daughter in return.
also please consider that ‘your husbands money’ may have been a thoughtless way of wording things.
You are very fortunate to be a SAHM and still have spare money for the nice things. Not many people are that lucky these days.
There is no reason for her to be offhand or rude mind.

I totally get it to be honest. If you can't afford something and someone else provides it you feel like crap

She was so rude! When you host, you provide. If I take a child to the fair and spend on the experience I expect a response exactly the same as if I spent the afternoon doing homemade dough crafts. The money shouldn't be an issue. When you host you host according to your means. It would be incredibly snobby to limit your hosting so a child doesn't experience something new.

I would take their poverty with a pinch of salt to be honest.

We prioritise our kids and their clothes/shoes/activities/school trips come before our own - but that's not true of everyone.

Watch and wait. If you see "date nights" with meals and cocktails and holidays just the adults or adults going on boys trips, girls trips, you will know that they just don't prioritise their kid. Sadly that happens.

A lot of people just assuming they own these Teslas rather than them being company cars.

It’s absurd to assume they are not skint simply as they have two teslas, you don’t know the deal behind them or their finances. They could be spent up.

I find this very odd. If I agreed for my child to go to the fair with someone else, I’d personally send some money, but would absolutely expect my kid to get the same as the other kid.

im stunned anyone would be livid and expect their kid not to go on the same rides or get the same food and drink. How fucking miserable would that be. Here here’s some candy floss and time on the dodgems but you’re getting nothing, you can just watch, as your mam would be livid.

They did check first.

None of this story makes any sense.

What's the company benefit in kind tax like on a Tesla, anybody got any idea?
2% of the list price this year - it got set back to zero at one point. They (electric cars) are by far the cheapest for BIK.

The OP did not mention the teslas until late in the thread

What's the company benefit in kind tax like on a Tesla, anybody got any idea? I'm curious if it's low because they're electric or high because they're bloody expensive? Either way I'm having a hard time buying the idea that somebody from a household with two teslas can never afford a modest day out at a fair.

If I'm being kind I'd say we have no idea how the daughter reported back the day out with you, or if mum had had a bad day, or if her H is tighter than a duck's arse and she's got it in the ear about "those bloody neighbours being such wankers spoiling our kid now our kid is going to think it's normal to spend money on tat" and she thought she should shut it down aggressively "firmly". Obviously she was wrong to do so, but see if you can find a little compassion for her anyway, it will do no harm and may make it easier for you emotionally.

I wouldn't go back and try to explain yourself again later on. If she's still riled up or really is just an arsehole it risks her seeing it as an attack and making it worse. Perhaps she will calm down in a day or two and apologise - or not. But it would be a shame if you stopped inviting her daughter to play.

Putting aside how she came across in the conversation, maybe she was trying to say,
'"we can't/don't want to reciprocate your generosity, this makes things a little awkward".

I don't think you were in the wrong, I think mother has issues, but to stay friends, with less issues, try to hold back on fiscal gifts, offering your time to take them to free places is probably fine.

@Helplessbeth I think there are a lot of things going on here. Assumptions, resentment, and lack of communication.
The best thing to do would be to go over and have a chat, make time, and see if you can get communication going on a better level, concerning play dates and what is acceptable and what's not to the parents.

I've always done that if I've taken someone else's child out with ours, how could you possibly put your children on a ride and tell the other one they can't have a go?

I would have ignored the attitude and said don't worry about it my money, my treat, with a smile.

I’d be livid if my neighbour was taking dc to fairs and buying them anything they wanted without checking with me first.

It’s absurd that posters are assuming she’s skint when they have two teslas.

The mother is weird and nasty as evidenced by slamming the door. if this is how she behaves when you’ve been kind to her daughter, how is she going to behave when there is the inevitable squabble between the girls?

I would discourage this friendship and I wouldn’t have her round again.

Or is it because she thinks you're taking pity on her 'lonely' only child (you implied this in your OP).

Perhaps she resents you filling all her child's time with fun, exciting things, so she'd rather be with your family than her own, including weekends spent with grandparents.Maybe they can't afford to do the same. Perhaps it's causing issues in what was an otherwise harmonious setup for them.

I know you think you're being nice, but clearly there's some issue so maybe pull back a bit. Occasionally invite the girl places (via her parents so issues aren't caused if they have to say no) or just to play at yours. And be careful not to project your life experience onto her.

Op can you clarify intent, as people are taking this the way it’s written, which is she was basically attacking as you’re a sahm.

was her intent not she cannot return the favour as they are skint, and it came out wrong, or was it really she was attacking you for not working.

This.

What's happened here is that she is unhappy that you gave her DD a great day & she cannot afford to do this, or perhaps doesn't have the time. She feels you overstepped because you played a parental role & she doesn't feel good enough.
I would personally not talk to her about your own stuff, if you're going to say anything just show her that you respect her wishes & keep it low key, still making it clear that her DD is welcome to come & play & she is welcome too.

Don’t be silly — because she took her to the funfair?

Maybe she doesn't want her child to be in the habit of asking for something when they her out themselves or not able to treat your daughter in.the.same way x.
i used to do the same with my daughters friends years ago, till One day I overheard one of her friends to another you'll no need to spend your money xx mum will pay !

She probably feels like she’d have to pay it back as in take your daughter out and she’s worried she can’t afford it. Most definitely could have been a bit more tactile. I know I’d be worrying if I didn’t replay the favour