AIBU for telling my daughter that I won't attend her wedding?

I'd advise her not to have DC with this man either because she won't be able to bring them out of the country if this affair goes wrong.

I wouldn't go and be a hypocrite. People who attend weddings are supposed to be supportive of the bride and groom. I'd tell her why. He's a married man and it won't be a legal wedding. I'd also tell her I love her and there will always be a home for her with me if she needs it.

I would go. She presumably knows you don't approve? Don't ruin her day. If you love her, don't stamp your foot at this. Smile and nod. If you turn your back on her now, you'll ruin your relationship with her. And what if she has a baby? You'll ignore it, or want to start playing happy families? Go to the wedding, and be inside the tent, pissing out, so to speak.

This is what I was going to stress. I grew up in in the ME, two British friends married Omanis, one took a second wife after the first marriage. Both ended badly, one friend is back in the UK without her kids because she can't get them back and her visa was cancelled.

Blimey. I think I’d try and talk Dd out of it but at the end of the day I’d probably go, if only to show support for dd and be there for the future fallout.

is the man going to live with her, or the current wife or somewhere else? And is there going to be wife number 3? 4? Will be marriage be legally recognised in the UK? All sounds awful tbh

No morals and money orientated.

How could she have sex with a man who's shagging someone else on a regular basis?

I voted YANBU, but it's a really tricky one. Pretty sure I couldn't bear to attend a wedding myself in such circumstances, but try to ensure that your daughter knows 100% that you're there for her if she ever needs you.

💯% - get your butt out there while you still can. Is she still friendly with any one from home that could have influence?

if it came to the wedding I would be there too - trying to build relationships with the grooms family so that you can have influence when it all goes wrong 😑

This is massively risky - once they’re married it’s entirely possible his attitude towards her will change, as will her status in the country. Currently she has some protections as a westerner living there teaching English. Once they’re married, she’s property. If he’s wealthy and connected then it’s possibly even worse and she may not be able to leave the house, let alone the country.

Also second wife is a thing. What happens when the third comes along? And the primary wife isn’t going anywhere…

Further, she will only be married under UAE law, not in the UK. Bigamy is illegal here. So even if it’s all amicable after they split at some point, she’ll almost certainly be left with nowt and no way to enforce anything. Any kids will not be able to be brought back to the UK.

If the wedding goes ahead then you should go to show her you’ll be there for her no matter what, but I’d be seriously planning the escape routes for her.

I thought this too. Found it seemed very outdated to the younger generation, it was something their grandad’s had done.
I’d be with you in not agreeing with this practice, which disadvantages women and puts them at risk both health wise and financially. But you need to make sure your dd can protect herself financially and get home to you if it all goes wrong. She should be aware that if she has children with this man she most likely won’t be able to remove them from the country, so could be tied there for 20 + years.
I hope she realises what she’s getting into.

@RedHelenB He's supposed to be 'just' ie ensure that his wives are treated equally as to their legal rights. But the Surat al-Nisa also says that it will be impossible for a man to feel the same love and attraction to all of his wives as this is something a man cannot control. And indeed the Prophet said when asked that of all his wives he loved Aishah the most. So that's why it's important OP's DD ensures she's fully up to speed on her legal rights going into this.

@ManilowBarry if you've ever bought food from any big supermarket chain, or clothes from boohoo, Next, M&S or any of the big supermarket chains, or own an Apple product, or an android product...then you too are supporting modern slavery.

@Chickenuggetsticks where has it been said anywhere that he's an 'entitled little shit'?

Will he allow her to work?
Will he allow her to see friends
Will she be allowed out without him
Will she have to convert to Muslim?

These are all questions she should be asking.

I lived in the ME and didn’t know anyone with 2 wives, it’s less of a thing now, it’s really not common in your DD’s generation at all

This was my thought too. It is actually quite rare in this day and age in the GCC. Perhaps he is a bit older or is much wealthier than an average Emirati. None of this makes much sense to me …

I lived in the middle east for 7 years and made one emirati friend. Seems your daughter has got carried away with the glitz and glamour and ultimately the materal things she would gain by marrying this man. There is no need in the modern age for a man to take more than one wife. I wonder if she has really thought it through

I agree with others - it is now she needs you more than ever. Go. Love her. Make it clear she has a supportive family she can turn to if she ever needs to.

Must be comforting to be this naive

You dont have to agree, but you absolutely have to go and support her decision. She may need you in the future and not going could make her feel like she cant turn to you. Support her when she's happy and she'll come to you if shes not and needs you.

You need to go and support her. And as others have said does she realise she won't have any rights regarding custody of children and so on. What the husband decides will happen and his word will be law.

@T1Dmama

'Wow hope you’re not a parent!'

Our children are all adults and have travelled extensively and like us have seen how modern slavery openly flourishes in certain countries and they want no part of it because they have morals.

None of us travel anywhere now that openly supports modern slavery.

I really would be sickened if my daughter was embracing the lifestyle and culture. Thankfully she knows better.

He's supposed to. But that rarely happens in practice.

He's supposed to treat all wives equally. The biggest issue will be children, us she aware that she will be stuck with him forever once they come along?
I'd want to be having a serious chat with her, but if she's committed to marrying him thrn I wouldn't miss the marriage on principle, she's your dd.

I'd vomit with rage and disgust if forced to watch my daughter debase herself like this. I could not bear it. But please make it clear to her you love her and will come running if she ever needs you. And keep the lines of communication open.

I understand why you don’t want to attend but I think you need to think of the long term now. As others have said, if it goes wrong she needs to know you’re there to support her. If it doesn’t go wrong and she has children, you run the risk of not knowing your grandchildren.

I would apologise to her. In your apology I would express your concern for her and how she is protected if everything goes wrong. Ask her to explain what her rights are both under Islamic law and UAE law. What happens in regards to children or property if she wanted to leave him or if he died. Hopefully prompting her to these questions will make her research how she can protect herself (if she can).

What will actually be achieved by not going other than creating a huge emotional gap between you and your daughter at a time when you need to be as close as possible. Who our adult children marry is their choice and if we think it has potential to be a bad choice then we need to be as near as possible, not distant to 'make it known what we think'. What we think of the choice is not relevant. You need to be as close as you can and that includes attending the wedding.