Am I being an arse or is this controlling!?

Run, quickly - now.

It sounds like she has an anxious attachment style and you have an avoidant one. It’s a really common dynamic in couples.

You’ve got the ick!

Sulking and getting emotional, hurt and ‘offended’ when someone doesn’t do what you want them to do (in this case for e.g. sack off their friends because you don’t like them or let you fondle them when they’re not enjoying it) is definitely controlling behaviour.

It’s effective precisely because it’s way less obvious than saying – ‘you must do what I say’. It’s emotional manipulation and pressure to comply.

OMG that is wayyyy over the top, it’s ridiculous

I couldn’t go out with someone like that. I’m not sure it’s controlling, but it is suffocating. I’ve broken up with guys in the past for similar behaviour.

if your best friend doesn’t like her Id see that as a MASSIVE red flag. If I’d paid attention to my best friend’s views of my ex I would have wasted a lot less time. She’s your bestie for a reason.

Has she had a bad experience in previous relationships?

Although there are several red flags, she sounds like a friend of mine who has very low self esteem and no confidence and is a people pleaser. If her partner doesn’t reply or is busy she gets very anxious and acts very needy and clingy.

if you get time google attachment styles, it makes for interesting reading

. If you feel you have a future, maybe couples therapy to address the issues. She obviously cares about you a lot, but it’s lot to deal with.

good luck

I think you need to sit down with her and make it clear that it's too much, you want to be treated as an equal not as someone 100% dependant on the other. Tell her it's getting too much and of it doesn't stop the relationship will have too. You wna to too work but unless cha he's at emade it can't.

Trying to do everything for you to show how much she loves you. Doesn’t want you to see anyone else as scared they’ll take your attention.
sounds like she’s terrified of losing you, so going way over the top. Sadly this will push you away, understandably. Sounds like she could do with a bit of counselling If she can’t address this herself.

I ticked YABU, just for why the heck are you in such an unhealthy relationship when you have a young child?

There is something emotionally wrong with either one or probably both of you.

You've already mapped out her responses to your actions/ demands/ comments. You've already clocked her unhealthy responses. And yet you choose to continue to play her and play out an unhealthy relationship.

So you are potentially guilty of abuse and exploitation.

Whatever you want or don't want, she'll do.

Whatever she does to try and appease you - you sneer, find it irritating - and yet allow her to continue in unhealthy behaviours, pleasing you.

If you genuinely think it's ALL HER displaying unhealthy behaviour, end the relationship right now. You have a young child who should be your focus.

But it sounds like both of you need counselling support. Preferrably so you can break out of these sickening, emotionally abusive, patterns.

Sounds like you're got the ick .. this relationship bit going to last

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

This is obsessive and controlling. Bail, she won't ease off.

Then it turns in to Baby reindeer 😂

Personally, I think you should end the relationship. She is far too controlling and I would urge you not to end it privately. Make sure there are other people around. Also she's giving me stalker vibes,so watch out for her following you etc. Good luck and always trust your gut. Your intuition is screaming at you to get out.

Tell her you need a serious talk. She probably thinks she's being extremely kind to you, not realising it's suffocating. At least give her a chance to change.

I wonder if it’s from her childhood or previous relationship , I know here we go.. lol.
But to me it’s symptomatic of a childhood where if she hasn’t done things correctly or quickly enough or helped enough, she’d be shouted at loudly or hit .
Also was she lacking in attention herself from parents and others.
Are these things she likes to be done to her
so she does then to you?
Was she from a big family or family where another or parents were ill or something so she didn’t get much attention.

Just an idea . Doesn’t mean you can’t finish with her, it might help you to understand where it’s from. Then see if by understanding you can discuss it and help lessen it.

what does she like?

To me it just sounds like she isn’t your person. She’s not doing anything wrong, but it’s not right for you.

She's not being controlling she's being smothering.

It comes across as a bit smothering and even possibly softly to start controlling.

stand firm and if ir doesn’t last then you know where you stand.

Are you much older than her and she’s treating you like a mum?

Sounds like you have the ick

Space invader! This would drive me insane. I’d feel exactly the same. Would irritate me so much. I’m feel irritated just reading your post.

This!!! ☝

*She may have been abused in the past and you may feel a huge amount of sympathy for that.

But it is not your responsibilty to heal her, and if her behaviour negatively effects you, it is OK to walk away.*

This is such important advice.

Exactly. Not only is it not your responsibility to heal her trauma, you couldn't do it anyway.
My ex was very damaged from a difficult childhood. It had a profound effect on him and his view of the world. In the end he became an alcoholic and we split up. It's sad but there's nothing I could do for him. He was destroying my life as well as his.