To not be on board with oral sex

You should advise him that your needs involve anal using a large strap on on him, without lube. If he doesn't agree then he isn't being fair to your needs.

I never get the ( if you loved me)as if once said it's a magical phrase that getss u what you want works multiple ways if you loved me ud not ask.always reminds me of a cat I've got ( lol stick with me) right it's meows constantly wanting it's favourite treat I say no he keeps going I say nn hes persistent eventually i give in he gets his treat he knows hel get his treats if he's persistant.to him it's a game to me im coerced into giving him what he wants say know if he liles the game.them ur part of the issue no means no not if u ask anough ul get just like every child we say men are like big kids but when thay act accordingly we need to be the firm if thats how we feelif we all liked the same things it would be aboring world.

Yes you are. Don't you think it's bad enough for OP without somebody like you adding your useless opinion.

You said OP, "He said that if I love him, I should want to please him in the ways that he likes best."
NO. You show your love to him in the ways you choose to and are comfortable with.

And believe it or not, despite what you read and hear, many women hate doing this but feel forced or obliged to do it. Pressurised and made to feel that they are abnormal if they dont like it "because everyone does it". Be brave and say No, I don't want to do that, and stick to your guns. Don;t submit to his attempt to dominate you physically and mentally. In my case, I would be out. "If you loved me you would do it". what a manipulative prick (Pardon the expression)

"He said that if I love him, I should want to please him in the ways that he likes best."

That reasoning is all sorts of creepy. So if he loves you, why does he want you to do something that you find unpleasant?

It's not up to him to decide what you "should" want.

You're completely in the right. He's 100 percent wrong. But he's going to keep demanding it anyway. I'm so sorry.

@Mumoftwinsandasingleton

You sound both sexually incompatible

He obviously shouldn't be coercive in that way or any other ways either 🤷 too you per 💯 per cent

He is being sexually abusive Creep,

He is actually sexually assaulting You

You need help to get out of this kind of relationship

As he sure will definitely not ever change

You should see as a deal breaker...

Bella isn't the OP @Italianita she's another poster.

I've been married for more than a decade and relatively young, I've never let my husband 'release' in my mouth, not my cup of tea personally

I think you and your husband need to rethink your relationship with sex, it’s not a reward women give men

”or should I put the effort in to pleasing him as (admittedly) he's a great father and husband.”

If I had a pound for every time I have read this on here. Abhorrent behaviour; coercion, abuse, gaslighting, mistrust, lack of care and neglect by many men. However, “they are a great husband and dad”. No they are not and your husband is the same. He’s forcing you to do something you don’t want to do! A great person doesn’t do that. Stop having sex with him until he can put your feelings before his pathetic penis.

You should never ever feel that you should do / be coerced into something you don't want to do. On this specific point though, are you happy or willing to give oral to the point just before release? Is is the actual 'in your mouth' stage that most troubles you? If so, are you happy to give oral until just before and then time it so that he isn't coming into your mouth? For me, that's utterly preferable, but we're all different. As others have said though, you should never ever feel pressured to do something you don't want to do, and if oral is generally something you're uncomfortable with, then he needs to accept that.

He goes above and beyond the average man in terms of housework and fatherly duties so I feel like I should want to "reward" him with his favourite sexual activity.

OP, this is not a healthy relationship on any level. Sorry but look at what you wrote in that sentence and understand that most people with good husbands and fathers don't do this - they don't do something they hate in sex to bribe their husbands to continue being a decent father and husband. And they are definitely not pressured into it/assaulted.

I hate receiving oral sex - don't mind giving it. Dh would love to be able to do it for me - it would really turn him on. Guess what, we don't do it because I don't like it. I gave it a shot a couple of times in case I would like it - I didn't so it is now off the table. he doesn't sulk, doesn't pressure me, doesn't do it despite me hating it and continues living his life according to his principles (as in he is a decent father and husband) even though he isn't getting this "reward"

You have a real issue here OP. I think you should talk to someone in real life and in the meantime tell him oral sex is not happening for the foreseeable future.

Yabu to think oral sex is disgusting in general, lots of people genuinely do love it.... however yanbu to not personally enjoy it and not want to do it.
Whilst I enjoy giving oral sex there are other sex acts I find horrible.. we are all different.
Your husband is being a dick.
I also wonder why anyone would get pleasure out if coercing someone into doing something that they knew the person found repulsive.
I can't think of anything worse tbh. Sex should be a mutually enjoyable experience not just you doing something you hate because he wants it.
Take it from me as one of my lives biggest regrets was drugging myself so that an ex could have anal sex with me after he threatened to leave me because 'I must not love him if I wouldn't let him do that, as it was important to him'
I cannot actually believe I fell for that. Awful.
Please don't do anything sexual that you do not genuinely want to do.
I'd seriously consider leaving him if he cannot understand and respect that this is a sex act which turns you off.
We all like different things.. and in a healthy sexual relationship you engage in a way that you both agree on and find pleasurable.. that may mean some aspects of what you would like to happen sexually do not get explored.. thats life! No one has got any right to try and manipulate anyone else into doing things they are uncomfortable with. You can suggest it... but if someone says no then that's the end of it.
Please do not believe his nonsense.. it doesn't matter what other couples do it only matters what you are comfortable with.
I honestly hate him on your behalf. Yuck.

My dh wouldn't want to engage in a sexual act if he knew I found it horrible or disgusting it wouldn't arouse him at all and he wouldn't put me through that, and likewise I can't imagine enjoying something I knew he hated.

I would be quite frankly horrified if I thought he was getting off at my discomfort and upset at doing a sex act that's just not really part of a loving relationship or even a non loving relationship!
I am very adventurous and open and try many things its not like I only do missionary in the dark but it's all consensual and not coerced

I wouldn't submit to his demands if I were you.

Presumably he climaxes to "regular" sex too. So either way, he wins. What about what he does for you?

I found that with my ex, whichever way he always got to climax, but he never returned the favour which just made me feel used and bored. I didn't realise what I was missing until I had a new partner.

Another pointless AIBU who refuses to listen to every single poster.

This!

A coerced forced sexual act is rape. Your husband is a rapist

He’s worn you down hasn’t he. Over time. Even though you were younger m, when you were 19 years old you felt more confident about enforcing your boundaries. Being a good father doesn’t mean he should be able to coerce you into things you’re uncomfortable about.
It doesn’t make for a good husband.

You “reward him”

🤢🤮

for doing the co parenting with you you know like a father should and I’ll bet he doesn’t go above being a husband either.

what would he do when in a position you apparently can’t refuse and keep your gob closed? I think I know the answer and it’s not a good one.

he’s sexually assaulting you. Sexual coercion is illegal just for the record.

He's not a great husband for this, sorry. It's gross and he's basically forcing you to do some you don't want to satisfy his 'needs'.