Are you reluctant to invite people to your house, in case they're jealous ?

Not that I think people will be jealous, but I'm very aware that others struggle more financially that our family do at the moment. I grew up fairly poor and was a bit skint for the early part of my adult life but I am now quite rich so I do feel kind of awkward about the stuff we have as a family. So, while I wouldn't not invite people round I do sort of worry about it & try to make sure I'm the right amount of generous (like I don't want to be lording it about like lady muck, but obviously I want to be generous and not tight). I probably spend too much time thinking about this sort of thing!

I leave mine at the entrance to the Stables.

I do remember at school , Dad dropped my friend home in Kingston Vale, and I saw what looked like a nice compact house and said ''Do you live there?..and another girl laughed and said ''No, that's the billiard room''..

They had ponies, which in that area were expensive to keep at full livery.

This is my experience too. Me and DH aren’t into labels etc, but we do live in a nice house. I have found that people who have found out where I live, that are quite well to do, suddenly start talking to you more and asking your opinon etc when you were overlooked before.

I try not to invite school friends to our house, we never get asked back for a play date if they come to us first, my best friend from school said “it’s because your house is grand.”

I do worry it sets my children apart alot so try and keep them very grounded and remind them how fortunate we are.

I will add it also makes me worry my children will be insensitive to other people’s circumstances. I firmly believe we had good choices we didn’t make good choices and am always conscious you never know when the rug of fortune might get pulled away!

Nope.

Which house? Ha ha I'm only joking.

I have all sorts of Heads of State and Chiefs of Industry round at my 'Gaff' (I think that's the word) without a problem.

Just keep your eye on the silver. (Another joke, by the way!!!)

We have a nice house in a nice area, we inherited it, there is no way we would ever have been able to buy it.

And no, I don’t think most people are really bothered about what peoples homes are like, plus we live in it, so its hardly a showhome. Until six years ago I lived in a houseshare, zero fuss about the types of homes people have, before that houseshare I lived in a very expensive penthouse apartment (it wasn’t mine!).

I don't think this is something you can generalise about because it depends so much on what goes on inside different individuals' heads. One of my kids went through primary with a child who lived in a bona fide stately home (with a moat!). We went over a bunch of times, and the first time we were offered a guided tour with a bit of family history thrown in, because it was assumed (correctly) that we were curious. But they were just a nice, normal family and whenever we went there, or they came to us, we had a nice, normal time. The friendship drifted after the kids moved schools, not because of any discomfort about our respective domestic circumstances. But I've met other people with extremely nice (but not stately-home-with-moat level) houses who clearly felt very superior about it, and tbh we were reluctant to swap too much hospitality with them, not because of the house but because of the attitude/values, iyswim.

Not at all. My home is my home, it's where I am comfortable and can kick off my shoes and relax.
I have a friend whose house is over twice the size of mine. It's lovely in an 'Ideal Home' kind of way. Her kitchen is the size of my entire downstairs! Although I visit her often, and love her company, I never feel I can relax entirely. I panic about dropping a crumb on the carpet. It is beautifully stylish but doesn't feel like a home. So no, I am not jealous at all, I love friend and see her often, but I am always happy when I put the key in my front door.

I understand why people are scoffing at the way this question has been asked.

However, yes. I have a number of family members who I will never invite to our home as I worry it would lead to too many snide or sarcastic comments. The same family members who commentated my education and if I ever didn’t know anything trivial would take great joy in humiliating me in front of the entire family as a child just because I was lucky enough to go to a prestigious school. Sods.

Lol- No!

It is a thing for many reasons - some people just don't share their address with randoms as they are quite well off (and known)- in case they get burgled. I know people like this.
I know others who are quite well off and want to show their homes off any time they are given. DD's friend moved into a new posh house and when she's on FaceTime the mum walks in showing people round the house every time. We've also had the privilege of being shown around of course!
I only let friends in and DD's friends' parents.

My house isn’t worth too much below a million, but it’s in a naice town and has land with it. I’ve noticed we get invited elsewhere less which is a bummer. All our kids friends gravitate towards here. It’s a real marmite house really, built by an architect for himself sixty years ago and very much of that time. So people either thinks it’s super cool or we are barmy.

Either way people should take people how they find them. I grew up in a tiny terrace and miss the community of that, and it’s easier to keep a small house immaculate (ours is FAR from immaculate).

No one would be jealous of my house unless they lived in a skip maybe

I've never thought about it like that. But my house is a normal semi and I wouldn't have an issue with someone having a big house.

Visitors to mine do say my garden is amazing though. That's because I have 2 friends that love gardening and they charge mates rates and take complete charge of making it look great.

The bit about certain people strikes true here too.

Since we've been in this house (7 years) DH and i have been invited to various things which we'd NEVER have been invited to a few years back.

I know this because i've heard the way they speak about ''other parts of the village'' 🙄🙄Which is were we used to live quite happily.

We make our polite excuses and keep contact with these people down to a chat in passing. Sadly it probably adds to our air of mystery and i expect they think we're weird. In reality i think they're snobs and i'm happy not knowing them.

Generally I think people are way more worried about being judged on having a house that is small or cheap or scruffy or untidy or cluttered.

The point is, that if someone comes around and they don't live as nicely as you, will they get jealous and treat you differently

and my point is how would you know they don’t live as well as you? I live in your words ”very well”. It’d be easy to assume that I live better than most but you can’t know the ins and outs of peoples financial situations and you can always be surprised. I was by last nights set up.

and if you do know the ins and outs, presumably you know them well enough to know whether they will be the sort to get jealous and treat you poorly in response.

When we lived as expats we had a very large family house in an upscale neighbourhood. It was rented for us by the company to provide a similar standard of living while we were located abroad, only property prices in our part of the US were much lower and houses much, much larger. Big pool, outdoor kitchen etc….
I joined up to the local neighbourhood play date rota and I had a few comments about the size of the house (although we did furnish it). I just laughed it off and had a great time meeting all the new parents in the area. Two of the mums I got on with well seemed apologetic about giving me invites to their house, one saying ‘now that I’ve seen your house I don’t think you’ll be wanting to hang out with the likes of us with our little one-storey houses’. I was actually a bit shocked - never crossed my mind, and mixed with other comments, felt a bit left out of the group because of it as nothing could have been further from the truth! They were judging me and I absolutely hadn’t given a thought about their houses beyond being happy for the invite!

It was an issue when my. DD wad younger, when some of her friends saw the house they seemed to expect her to buy them things because she was “rich”, they got very nasty when you wouldn’t do it, to the point where she wouldn’t bring people home for years,

Our first house was an ex council house. We lived quite cheaply and our next move was a move to a £1million + house. A number of people in our village are MUCH nicer to us now.

so yes, I am a bit cautious about things like this.

If people are jealous of my house, they need to give their head a wobble

Definitely sounds like a humble brag / reach here OP

But who are these people you might be inviting who would turn suddenly from being (presumably) your friends to deadly enemies because your house is nicer/bigger/glossier than theirs? It's not too hard, presumably, not to invite home people whose good opinion of you only holds as long as they think you live in similar houses, or yours is inferior?

I can absolutely imagine this having been the case with people I knew (not friends) when we lived in a village we'd moved to from London, where (as has been amusingly highlighted on another current thread) there was a total fascination with exactly where you lived, who'd lived there before you, what you had done to the house. We were considered terribly disappointing because we rented for a couple of years as we weren't sure if we were staying, and then when we bought a house, we were considered not to have made it as glossy as people who had as much money as we were thought to have should have. (Very standard white walls, stripped floorboards and bookcases on most walls).

I remember someone crying out in apparent disbelief we didn't have a Quooker tap, which was the lower-middle-class accessory of the moment.

DD feels like this. She has two friends who are recent immigrants, one is a refugee. Obviously their lives are a bit different to our (completely normal) life. They live in tiny flats, no car etc. DD doesn't like to have them round because she doesn't want to big herself up. They meet at the park or shops.

Thank goodness because I hate to clean.

Ahhh, no. Quite the opposite I don’t invite people round as I am embarrassed at the state of my house.

Working on it, hopefully payrise soon will help

My daughter is friends with a couple of people who are from well off families , one is a boaster and I’m uncomfortable when she visits, the other is very lovely

Bucket residence... lady of the house speaking...