Are you reluctant to invite people to your house, in case they're jealous ?

I think a lot of people wrong assume jealousy is the reason for other people's behaviour. You hear it all the time.

"Why did they do that to me?"
"Because they're jealous of you."

Or maybe they're just dicks. Or they think you are a dick. Or they had a bad day. Or it has absolutely nothing to do with you.

It's lazy and arrogant to assume people are just jealous of you.

So jealousy as an emotion does not exist?

My friends? No worries whatsoever inviting anyone over. However we have experienced this with DC when we did a full class party, some kids were a little mean to DC afterwards because of the ‘posh’ house and they still get called posh by these kids, 3 years later!
I’ve also had one parent ‘joke’ that our kids can’t be friends because we are much posher than them. All based on coming to the house on one occasion.

No, not personally. I am what I am and I have what I have, and my attitude is very much one of take it or leave it. If you like me? Cool. If you don’t? Cool. I’m not going to appeal to everyone and I’m not trying to.

I see why it may be a ‘thing’ though - you see threads on here all the time about a neighbour/friend being wealthy and the OP struggling with and resenting that. You see it in the replies too, encouraging the OP to imagine said friend/neighbour is secretly miserable (because apparently the way to feel better is to imagine someone else feeling worse). You also see threads about those that have friends they consider themselves better than, who become threatened when the friend is doing well. Hell, there’s plenty of threads about cheeky fuckers thinking wealthier friends/family should do X, Y and Z for them because ‘they can afford it’ and they’re called every type of cunt if they say no.

People DO get jealous and resentful. Is it always the reason behind disliking someone? No, of course not, but it certainly can be and I find it disingenuous to deny that.

Seriously this thread has been eye opening to me for sure

People get jealous over perceived wealth due to the size of their house? 😱

Ive obviously moved in different circles my whole life

I have never felt jealous over any of my friends homes, nor ever felt ashamed of my own

Yes I have been to friends homes where I have complimented their home, admired their kitchen and openly lusted over a gadget but jealousy has never come into the equation

I have friends who come to mine and and are just blown away by the views we have, space and size of rooms ( its very decieving is our house, looks small from the front ) , doubt if anyone would compliment me on decor though :)

We have a saying here, your friends come to see you, not your house

This thread is showing me that people in “villages” are snobs

No. We live in the “big house” and I have friends from all walks of life and I’ve never seen or felt any sort of bitterness from them. We are self made with not a penny from family.

The village is a different matter. Our 3 boys used to go to the village green and were constantly targeted by adult men (tripped up etc), everything we do is twisted and reported on, our perimeter is constantly littered and cars pereptually park over the dropped curbs at our field entrances despite abundant parking elsewhere. We’ve only ever volunteered for everything and donated lots to every single village amenity but the resentment seems endemic. People just can’t seem to see past a big house.

I find the people that claim other people are jealous of them are usually unpleasant people who treat other people badly, don't take responsibility for it then claim so and so who doesn't like them is jealous.

I'm only ever jealous when I walk into someone's house that is clean and tidy ... I dream of having one of those!!!

I definitely know people who would take it badly if the went to pick up one of their kids from a new friend 's house and the house was big and expensive.
I try to avoid them when I can just in case something good has happened to me and it makes them upset if I accidentally mention it

Jeepers OP.

Aww no. My house (I’m told) is like a kids paradise. I love having my DCs friends round and they love coming. It never occurred to me someone may be jealous?

I think for many it's a case of being not wanting to invite people because your house is messy, not on top of housework, house/furniture have seen better days. However, if you're true friends and family who care about you, then it's about seeing you rather than the house.

I have a friend who's married to a millionaire, so glad we just appreciate eachothers company and I'm really not jealous of her and anything she has. In fact, she gets a bit fed up as her DH is always wanting something new - different car, house, kitchen that doesn't need doing etc.

I wouldn't mind either, host or go to a better house.
In my situation, full time mum and working, most of my friends houses are better, newer and tidier.
I don't have much time to visit or host anybody but I wouldn't have a problem with it if I had the time.

I have actually seen this in the wild.

One of my friends had a small party for her 10 year old. Other school friends were invited and she has a really lovely big Victorian house. My DS calls it 'the mini mansion'.

One of the mother's jaw just dropped and then she had a face on her the whole party. I went to the kitchen at one point only to see her coming down the stairs after clearly snooping around.

When she left she said to the hostess; 'Thanks for inviting us to your fancy house' and stalked off. Since then she bitches about the hostess to all and sundry and says things like 'with all her money wy does she drive a ford ka' etc.

I live in a tiny two-bedroomed house. The first friend I invited to see it made it clear she wasn’t impressed. Another friend, having seen my house, was too embarrassed to invite me round to her own place. Real friends are happy to come and stay and invite me back.

I think that if people think that way you are better of discovering it and ending the friendship.

however, there was a recent thread about a family who always claimed they were hard up but had actually saved 800k for each of their kids. I suppose if my friend claimed poverty and then I discovered they lived in a mansion I would have some doubts about their honesty and our friendship. Otherwise, I couldn’t give two hoots.

My house is OK - I wouldn’t think anyone would be jealous but I have friends who live in everything from a mega detached 4-bed to a small flat. I live in quite an affluent area and have been in to some amazing houses where I’d love to live, but I just think these people are lucky.

I have the opposite problem. But I own my house, and I have a friend who rents a nicer place but she'd swap if she could. So I try not to moan too much. But I really have to sort out the bathroom.

I feel you OP.

I do find that people get rather uncomfortable when they see the helicopter on the lawn. I mean, it's only a Jetranger for heavens sake, and the Bentleys aren't even new, anymore, they're at least four months old.

What? I never have visitors, my life is difficult enough having to count the teaspoons each day before the maid leaves. Life can be very trying.

One of my friends in college many years ago came from a wealthy family and lived in an amazing house. The rest of us were very regular This was before interior design etc became such a big thing.
She was a very down to earth girl so no one would suspect the wealth. She had a few boyfriends who started to treat her differently as soon as she brought them home. Her home was the sort of place you would be afraid to breath in.
She eventually met a guy who didn't even seem to notice the opulence..she married him!!
Has a pretty normal house herself and that's deliberate as due to inheritance she could be far fancier but it made her uncomfortable so she doesn't want to live like that.

Also houses have always been status sysmbols.....obvs. Royal Palaces and national trust anyone?.

I wonder if people are concerned their property is an assertion of status rather then just somewhere pleasant to live in?

An aside but in work people tend to keep their home address not secret but don't talk about their homes a lot. Partly because knowing someone's address reveals their perceived wealth of their spouses income and people being the gossiping people they are will make various inferences about them.

X has a house the size of half a county so why are they going for the promotion? How can you talk about the cost of living when you live in Y? You can't suffer from work pressure when you have so much wealth tied up in a property? He/she is of a certain class?

😀