Are you reluctant to invite people to your house, in case they're jealous ?

I feel the opposite. I always think everyone else's are nicer so am embarrassed to invite them to me. Jealous - not at all. Feeling inadequate - yes. But I wouldn't dislike anyone for it.

I wouldn't be jealous but I'd realise we have different standards and might feel ashamed of mine. As a good friend once said when I told them my house isn't as tidy as her house and I don't enjoy housework as much as she does "I come to see you not look at the state of your skirting boards".

It is on my list, but there is a lot that needs doing to my house like fixing walls where plaster is hanging off.

It is one of the items on my list that will make me think "I've made it" once I have one (I'm nearly 43 and have never had one yet, so it is still an aspirational item to me).

The first thing I got that made me feel that "I've made it!" feeling was getting my own washing line 😂 Years of living in flats or shared houses, but now I have one of my very own!

My only friends who live in a super splendid house (think Grand Designs) are the most frequent hosts amongst our friendship group. There is no jealousy, I think most of us like getting back to our more humble abodes that are home for us.

Of course not. Our house is quite big but it's not exactly furnished in a palatial manner... bit scruffy if I'm honest.

The ONLY time I've been jealous of someone's house was when I went to a party at a friends of DDs. The house was bought by a rich factory owner in the late 19th century and had somehow passed down the family via the oldest child in each generation... afore mentioned factory owner had even set up some kind of trust to compensate the others. It was HUGE, beautifully furnished - furniture stayed with house over generations .. honestly like going back a hundred years in time in some rooms but with all mod cons added in. The hallway along was bigger than the 2 bed flat I was living in at the time and had the amazing curving stairs you only see in films. God knows how they sorted out inheritance tax and I can only imagine the race to get married and reproduce in each generation

That was 12 years ago - can you tell I'm still jealous?

Get a dishwasher!!! It’s the best thing ever invented!!!

😂

Not a thought that's ever entered my head. It's my firm belief that what others think of me is none of my business.

The people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter.

It's all relative. I moved from a 2 bed flat to a 3 bed house.

Do I think that people who live in 2 bed flats will be jealous of me? No.

Am I jealous of friends who live in a 4 bed house? No.

But the house isn't the main factor.

Am I jealous of people who have a dishwasher? Yes.

Am I jealous of people with a cleaner? Absolutely!

Am I jealous of people who live in a nicely decorated, tidy house with a well kept garden - 100%!

I've lived on the 'nicest' house in the street, and it's a bit of an uncomfortable experience tbh. I'm much happier having a bog standard house similar to the neighbours.

I get you OP. I own a 3 bed flat in London and have since I was 28. I have largely avoided having people over or even letting on that I own unless asked directly. It's an issue when some of my cohort are in flat shares and will be for many years yet, and other like me I have been able to buy, when on the surface we all earn similar etc.

It does creates issues and I see the looks on their faces when they realise/come over.

Well, exactly. People interpret other people's behaviour based on their own experiences. If you experience jealousy in a certain situation, you are more likely to assume other people must experience jealousy in the same situation. But that doesn't make it true. Believe it or not, what you see as "flimsy" can be the truth. Another example - plenty of people say they would not be jealous if a friend won the lottery. And plenty of people don't believe them because they can not comprehend how it is even possible for someone to not envy others.

Sort of, yes. I mean, I try to avoid inviting people to my house, period, because I feel like I run a bloody hotel already. We are the only friends and family who have a spare room, so we are the ones who always host.

But yes, I do cringe at the thought of inviting around new friends of dc, for instance, because we do 90% of the time get comments about the house. We definitely live in the 'big house' amongst everyone we know. There is a lot of 'wow, your house is huge!' 'oh my gosh, I can't believe this is your house', etc. I think they are just trying to be polite and make conversation and compliment us (it is a really beautiful house, I agree, I love it). But because it happens all the time, it just makes me feel so uncomfortable. I do get the sense people are trying to work out in their heads how we could afford a place like this. We've even gotten a few, so do you rent this?!

It's not so much a feeling of jealousy, but more just makes me feel quite under the spotlight and it's just quite awkward to know how to respond. And I hate feeling awkward, so yes, I do put off inviting dc's friends over if I know they'll have to come with their parents. Neither of us grew up living like we do now so it doesn't come naturally to know what to say to some of the comments.

Though dh was once doing some gardening, and a couple came walking through (we have a footpath through one field) and they assumed he was the gardener. After it became apparent, he didn't quite know what to say to correct them, so just said, yes, it's a lovely place and the new owners were lovely people. 😂

Dd invited some new friends round whilst at uni. It was effectively the end of the friendship. One queen bee then turned the others against her for spurious reasons.

So who is it about and what is their property like on the outside and is it in a very well to do area?? If its not in a very well to do area, then the stuff inside if OTT would look out of place

You can by ordinary brand tv's Sony, Pioneer for 5060k and we have tv - massive screen - you cant tell the difference with the one we have that cost close to 9k and some others that cost a lot less or a lot more

I'm confused

@BusyMummy001 I think that round here there is an expectation of certain size property = certain lifestyle which includes kids at private school and we don’t fit that mould. It’s actually a pretty affluent area in general but because housing is so expensive the assumption is folks have to be loaded to afford a bigger house

Doesn't everyone?

Seriously, OP - what ARE you on about?

😂😂

How do you know it is? We all go by our perceptions, based on our experiences.

Oftentimes the other reasons are revealed to be very flimsy upon closer inspection (one that I’ve heard more than once just on MN - “she’s quiet and keeps to herself, that means she’s a stuck up snob that thinks she’s better than everyone”), the reaction to a perceived faux pas is ridiculously disproportionate, there’s a pattern to the behavior, and and/or the real reason eventually reveals itself over time.

People don’t need to explicitly state something in order to communicate.

I haven’t rtft but I find MN really weird sometimes. You would think that everyone on MN is a paragon of virtue never having experienced jealousy or having been on the receiving end of it.

I have had The experience a few times where people have fessed up to me that the reason they behaved so appallingly towards me was because they were jealous (not of my house but of something else I don’t want to get into as it’s too outing). One of the things about jealousy is that it is quite difficult to recognise it in yourself but sometimes when I find myself feeling negative towards someone there is usually a bit of jealousy involved.

i have had a few weird reactions from people who come to my house. Because I am working class I think they expect me to live in a hovel. When they see where I actually live they seem somewhat unnerved.

Quite the opposite. We live in an old flat which isnt great. We rarely host anyone as everyone else has bigger,nicer houses.

But how do you know the other reason isn't the actual reason? Just because it doesn't make sense to you doesn't mean it's not true.

Yes, this was our experience. No issues with my actual friends, but it’s the ‘acquaintances’ via the kids that make thoughtless comments and upset the them. I’ve had to tell my kids that anyone who judges you negatively because of what your parents have or have not achieved is a bit of a moron and best avoided.

Funny world we live in - one where we’re supposed to aspire to some sort of professional success, own a home and reliable car etc but then get criticised for it.

Do well, just not too well?

Because it often is. People will always claim it’s for another reason, because rarely is jealousy ever admitted to.

Jealousy will don a myriad other masks rather than show it’s own face.

The question isn’t aimed at you.

I am curious to hear genuine answers.