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Original poster

Could I ask for some perspective on this interaction please?

57 replies

Snowblossom171 · 19/05/2024 14:10

Dh and I have been together for 30 years. We've been bickering a lot lately. It's the same argument, I feel he doesn't speak to me very nicely at times, he can't see that he's doing anything wrong. I know it's difficult without hearing tone of voice but this is an example and I really like to know if I'm being overly sensitive.

It's never about big stuff, just mundane day to day interactions.

So today, we've got an egg chair and I like to take the L part of the sofa to use as a footstool with it (it's a small sofa for the conservation), there's a 2nd smaller sofa that can still be used in there.

Me: could you take the 'footstool' into the garden for me please? (It's too heavy for me to carry).

Dh: what am I going to sit on now?

Me: the other sofa, you'll manage.

Dh: well I'll have to won't I.

I know it's a very brief conversation but things like this are staring to mount up and make me unhappy. I just want to be spoken to nicely. Dh doesn't see anything wrong in it at all.

Am I being over sensitive?

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowblossom171 · 19/05/2024 14:21

lhlh · 19/05/2024 14:18

Hmmm

This doesn't come across well OP.

Unless you have a disability, you do sound a bit princessy asking for stuff to be moved to the garden for you. I have been with my dh a similar amount of time and can't imagine asking him to do something like this.

He clearly wanted it inside to use and informed you of this and you said "you'll manage". I might have replied - yes I will manage, I'm happy sitting here and you can sort yourself out.

I am disabled, it's not that heavy but I have an anal fissure at the moment so lifting and sitting are uncomfortable (which is why I use the footstool outside, it takes the pressure off the rump!).

OP posts:
ForensicFlossy · 19/05/2024 14:20

Not a great example OP, this paints you as the instigator.

BoundaryGirl3939 · 19/05/2024 14:19

Your interaction with him comes across as a bit smart and bossy though. Maybe he is feeling resentful.
You both need to have it out and be honest about why you're both annoyed.

lhlh · 19/05/2024 14:18

Hmmm

This doesn't come across well OP.

Unless you have a disability, you do sound a bit princessy asking for stuff to be moved to the garden for you. I have been with my dh a similar amount of time and can't imagine asking him to do something like this.

He clearly wanted it inside to use and informed you of this and you said "you'll manage". I might have replied - yes I will manage, I'm happy sitting here and you can sort yourself out.

Original poster
Snowblossom171 · 19/05/2024 14:17

Appleblum · 19/05/2024 14:16

I think you gave a bad example here as you started being unpleasant first. You could have just said 'the other sofa' instead of adding on 'you'll manage', which made it sound like you're belittling him.

Yeh you're right with me responding with the 'I'll manage' wasn't great but him asking what he was going to sit on was ridiculous as we've got 2 sofas in there and he knows that.

OP posts:
Appleblum · 19/05/2024 14:16

I think you gave a bad example here as you started being unpleasant first. You could have just said 'the other sofa' instead of adding on 'you'll manage', which made it sound like you're belittling him.

AnnaSewell · 19/05/2024 14:14

It can be a bit irritating to be asked to move stuff around on a regular basis.

Your husband's tone sounds a bit passive-aggressive. It might be more direct to say directly if he felt you should either be furniture shifting yourself or just taking something less heavy into and out of the garden.

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