Could I ask for some perspective on this interaction please?

I think it took a turn at 'you'll manage" personally, but I also know it's really hard to describe tone accurately, and you were there, and if you're feeling upset with the way he's speaking to you recently then you likely won't be making it up.

If you try and think what's behind the interaction, it sounds to me like you feel unsupported, he feels put upon, and you both feel disregarded by the other.

It's really easy for contempt to seep into a relationship, and it's to be avoided at all costs. Tell him that. Tell him that you're noticing that you're starting to snap at each other, and would be really up for both making a concerted effort to be kinder and sweeter to each other especially while things are a bit on top for you, and would he consider joining you in the efforts?

See how that goes, if he doesn't then you'll know that it's not accidental.

This definitely has been a tad drip feed like @Snowblossom171.
I get that things are tough for you but I also see OHs point.
Perhaps you need to make sure you have the furniture you need to hand - a lightweight version of a stool or whatever, which doesn't have to be moved all the time.

So you wanted the outdoor chair, and to take the comfy sofa out if action, and for him to carry it around. Then expect him to be happy to do all of this when you were a bit dismissive of him?

Yes, a kind and gentle spouse may well give up the comfy chair and carry it outside for you to sit in the nice outside chair.... but that's done on the basis of their spouse being kind and grateful when asking, rather than entitled.

I know it was just an example but I'd be irritated about being asked to move heavy indoor furniture back and for to the outside. On this particular point you need to buy some garden stools.
I also have an illness - it's long term- and I'll never be able to drive again. I'm very aware that love and goodwill can start to evaporate if people feel taken for granted.

Maybe, but that doesn't mean you basically get to tell the other person to just suck it up. There are ways of going about it.

Uh…I think an anal fissure takes priority with respect to seating arrangements.

He is very reactive and has contempt for you—and you don’t like him much either—on the strength of the situation (you are disabled and in pain and he only grudgingly does you a minor favour).

I speak to my dh of 30 years more sweetly than you do but that is our style. I would have said “Darling can you…” and if he objected I might well have said “I think you can manage…” without his taking offence.

But your request was fine. Your husband just isn’t interested in your comfort. My Dh would leap at the chance to make my life easier or ease my physical discomfort regardless of how I phrased my request because thats who he is—not because of who I am or how I phrase my request.

"I'd really like the stool outside to sit on but I know you like sitting on it inside. And chance I could have some help moving it outside temporarily? Can't wait until my fissures heal a bit more because then I could live it myself"

What would have happened if he'd have said no (to bringing the footstool out)? If you're asking a a favour, you need to be ready to accept it being declined.

Dh: what am I going to sit on now?

Me: the other sofa, you'll manage.

He was actually sitting on the footstool when you asked him to take it outside for you. No wonder he was pissed off.

Your anal fissure doesn’t take priority over everything. If you can’t sit comfortably in the egg chair, you sit somewhere else. At the very least, you ASK if he would mind you having the footstool outside.

I agree with everyone saying this isn't a great example as it paints you as the instigator 😬

If you wanted him to do you a favour, saying "the other sofa, you'll manage" isn't really the way to go about it.

Maybe time to take the easy route and buy a lightweight folding footstool and a nice cushion to go on it

This sounds like you being the issue (I assume you’re asking for honest objective appraisals so not intending to be rude). The ‘you’ll manage’ is really shitty and I’m assuming the chair you’ve asked him to move was one he was using? That is also a bit entitled and selfish so definitely doesn’t warrant an arsey quip like ‘you’ll manage’. Just sounds like contempt for him so I’m not surprised you got the reaction you did. If you’re worried about your interactions why don’t you start by saying you were sorry if you can’t across as rude just now?

It kind of depends. Was he literally sitting on the sofa when you asked for the 'stool'? Is that somewhere he tends to sit to do a certain activity, is it nicer/comfier than the smaller one?
The 'you'll manage'; I've found that is often followed by 'well I'll have to won't I?' or something similar. Just bc it's kind of presumptuous. Like saying that it doesn't matter if he doesn't get to sit there. So it's dismissive in a way.
That's not to say he can't be a grumpy rude sod sometimes though.
This won't solve your martial issues could you buy a pouffe/footstool just for you and the egg chair?

“Sorry DH, would it be possible for you to move to the other sofa so I can use this as a footstool? I’m a bit sore and would really appreciate it.”

”Thank you. Could I also ask you to help
me take it outside?”

“Thank you, I really appreciate it: I’ll pull my weight again when I’m better :) ”

Going against the grain here.

When did people stop doing kind things for the people they supposedly love.

OP is not in great health at the moment and she just wanted a bit of help and to feel comfortable. Sounds like she asked nicely and said please.

My exh never did anything for me to make my life easier, or even just to help with the running of the house generally, and it wears away at you in the end.

You are asking him to do you a favour. As such, you need to be persuasive. Instead you're being demanding and entitled.

I started reading thinking 'well if you've endured 30 years, maybe time to move on, but you make it sound as if that was what he was actually sitting on at the time.
So, houseful of furniture, presumably some garden furniture too, you not only want the actual seat he is sitting on, you expect him to lug it outside for you?
I think DH has every right to be hacked off.

Back to my original position - maybe time for you both to move on, give DH some peace & quiet.

I think I'd be a bit miffed if DH wanted the comfy egg chair and the L part of a sofa, leaving me with a smaller sofa and telling me "you'll manage" whilst also expecting me to do the heavy lifting!

I had an ex like this and honestly it was exhausting. I became someone I didn't like making the kind of comment you did because he was such a man child.

My solution was to get rid of him and I'm much more chilled and a nice person with my DH. Sometimes dynamics with people turn us into people we don't want to be.