To think there needs to be a public inquiry into child development

You do realize that it was Conservatives in charge the whole if the 80s lol

Very well put

Thank you!

When I look at the way children from 0-5 are cared for has changed in my lifetime (I'm 68), it's massive.

The vast majority of mothers were SAHPs. They had no choice, as there was little child care outside the home. What child care there was was mostly informal, although I went to a nursery school 2 half-days per week.

Processed food was barely a thing, most of our SAHMs cooked almost entirely from scratch.

There was no such thing as "screen time", there wasn't even daytime tv, apart from the lunchtime news and "Watch With Mother".

Children didn't start school until after their 5th birthday, and children with additional needs were often placed in "special schools".

There was a lot more input from health visitors, who would visit regularly during the first couple of years in a child's life.

I'm not for a minute suggesting that we should go back to the 1950s, the but societal changes in the way that pre-school children are cared for have not been met with additional support and provision that makes up for the downsides of those changes.

I agree with those who have said screens are a massive problem. I know someone whose children have not been back to school since the pandemic. They are absolutely addicted to screens. They sit up all night gaming or scrolling or on tictok then she can't get them up in the morning. They are utter exhausted so they sleep all day. They wake up late afternoon and then stay up all night again. I honestly believe if they lived in a time before screens they would have gone to school. They would not be staying up all night because there would be nothing to do!!

This sounds like my DC and I can ensure you that unfortunately for her although she looks absolutely perfect from the outside because you can’t see what they went through
she fought to survive and you know back in 70s 80s she wouldn’t have been here at all.
you can’t know a child’s reasons just by looking at them. She didn’t have bad parents / constant technology or anything like the above suggestions she just had a really crappy hand dealt to her.

@twodogsbetterthanone

I have never understood why the assessment for ADD doesn’t also include a screening for trauma. It makes zero sense.

My ex husband has so far refused to be evaluated. I did the evaluation. I didn’t fully meet the diagnosis of ADD, just displaying issues with inattention. I was given a situational anxiety diagnosis at the same time. I took this to my lawyer who said hmmm that looks like trauma response. I took the testing to a specialist in trauma who confirmed yes it’s trauma response.

No one can seem to link this to my children’s issues because it doesn’t fit the narrative of ‘father’s rights’. The research courts rely on is deeply flawed because it takes a small sample of children from homes with functioning fathers. I’d love there to be an inquiry such as this require a research project to track the outcomes of homes where the parent is not functioning/trauma is present.

My family is in this situation too.

It started with wheat intolerance coupled with lack of access to NHS health care and NHS dentistry, which cause really damaging long term health problems.

This led to reliance on screens, as we couldn't cope.

The latest problem is that the schools are so short-staffed that I have had to stop sending my son to school entirely. This is fine academically, but it is yet another barrier to him learning good social behaviour and conflict resolution.

So for us the problems are lack of access to safe food and safe basic public services.

Thinking back to the 80s, I remember so many things that were good then. Food basically worked, and the school was good. However, more or less all my friends had mental health problems and all the mothers were on tranquilisers, so I'm not sure it was all fine then either.

I do think it's great that we are talking about this here because something needs to change. The public services are on their knees, and kids have no where safe to play.

We need to get the labour party to come and talk to us about this asap I think.

A comedian said that 14 year olds were once paid to baby sit.
Now they need babysitters.

We see it on mumsnet all the time, we as a society in the west, and as parents are keeping our children young for as long as possible by never letting them grow up, accept responsibility, understand that the world is a tough place, avoiding chores, always taking their side and being oblivious to the true impact of social media.

I try my best as a parent - I know I’ve slipped up, I work, can be on my phone. I also take a holistic view when my daughter is in the wrong but I have seen many parents take their children’s side and defend poor behaviour; you then wonder why these children are cheeky and poorly behaved. I have tried hard to delay when my DD uses socials but I gave in and made sure we constantly have open discussions about how to use socials. Plus we go out, cook together, arrange play dates, (she’s 11) and spend time with family.

I’m fortunate that my job and lifestyle means I’m very aware of the good and bad of social media - but I’m shocked at the amount of parents that are so oblivious to the dark side of socials and let their children on it without monitoring - and I then hear stories about how “so and so is doing x on socials” from my daughter. Social media can be crippling as the brain does not differentiate emotions stemmed online vs in person and I am waiting for the day a huge white paper/report is finally realeased to show everyone.

We also don’t look out for each others children like we used to. Most people don’t want to hear a negative word about their children from others. So there is very little accountability. Family values are out of the window as we are so individualistic- when you are younger family and identity are very interlinked but now young people feel forced to be something, to be a star etc when they should just focus on growing up and playing.

The west isn’t very child friendly anymore - I can’t p it my finger on it but I’m glad you raised the question OP.

Where are your statistics to evidence these statements?

I've worked with teenagers with both diagnosed and SEN and those who are undiagnosed but 'SEMH' or those with global unspecified learning difficulties. Personally, I think Foetal alcohol syndrome is a silent crisis in our country that is under diagnosed and under recognised. In a society where binge drinking is huge, this has a permanganate impact on babies, children and adults.

People are going to hate me for my comment. The first is obviously more family breakdowns and both parents working full time. The 2nd is the over diagnosis of adhd, asd ect. Conditions like this are very common but it's a scale children on the lower end of that scale don't need to be diagnosed and drugged as this takes help away from children who genuinely need it and is often used as an excuse for behavioural issues.

Overworked and exhausted parents. It’s impossible to do everything, we are not superhuman, I now know very few people who are able to stay and home, and are instead coming home after a 10 hour day and having to start again. No wonder our mental health is rock bottom, no wonder the I pad comes out.

Add to that nursery, with parents having to work, babies are at nursery for hours and hours, with high ratios of staff, babies and toddlers are not making the attachments and having their needs met. We need to support a parent to stay home.
Nurseries are fantastic places where children can learn so many skills, but it’s not such a great place to be for 10 hours a day.

It is not poverty alone.
There has always been poverty. Arguably the poverty was far worse decades ago.
The difference is that back then a child from a poor family would be sent out to play on the street, where there was lots of interaction with other children and some adults. Now they are kept indoors, frequently on a screen.

Parents in the past were also exhausted, working multiple jobs, or long hours, or women having far more work to do at home (no washing machines, microwaves or fridges). But when they finally collapsed into a chair they were available to talk to their children.
Now the parent collapses into a chair and promptly starts looking at a phone screen.

Studies have shown that babies want nothing more than to look at human faces, and then later toddlers want nothing more than to interact with people.

The parent is no longer looking at the child, they are looking at a screen at every opportunity.

Yes there have been other changes, in processed food, premature babies and SEN, school curriculum, etc. etc.

But the biggest, most overwhelming change, what is REALLY different now to even a decade ago, is PARENTS looking at screens.

Agree. Parents on smart phones ignoring young kids, later the children having early access to social media. Children gaming, so they seem calm for hours but are disregulated after. Two children we know who are basically dangerous - hurting animals and other kids - have a father who plays Call of Duty infront of them. All anecdotal, but also have a friend who is a professional in this area and says similar.

I agree OP.

The loss of free play ( children playing together), loss of mixed age play, rise in screen use meaning children play remotely rather than in person. Parents being busy - two income households- but no free play with peers to compensate for that lack of interaction.

I think all these things are having a massive impact. Some of this we could address, early years and schools settings could reconfigure to facilitate mixed age play ( get rid of bloody ‘age rooms’ in early years. Some is harder to address, but I do think we as a society need to take a good hard look at what is causing these problems

I have adhd so far passed it on to 3 of my kids. One is extremely disruptive in school and is moving to a sen school finally. The other 2 cope okay in school seem to be alright grade wise.

What I have noticed in some people who know my children, they are very quick to label their child the same as mine and say their child has the same issues. Where I see children who are unmotivated, stuck on tablets, parents leaving them to do whatever they like. No guidance, basically terrible parenting. I think in a way it's become an easy thing to say about your child.

If I had known my kids would be like this I'd of stopped at 1 but we are where we are and it'll be okay. It's very hard work our house is extremely chaotic but also full of happiness and laughter so it's a crazy balance.

I think it's mostly the internet, social media etc tbh.

I work in a school and feel the same. I see stories of reception children who aren't potty trained, can't use cutlery etc etc, I haven't experienced this. Stories if children swearing and being aggressive teachers, haven't particularly seen that either, no more than it's been previously when it's usually send related.

I think this plus screens everywhere is likely a big factor.

Agree with @Harvestfestivalknickers
There's been a massive decrease in volunteer run activities especially since covid so no church playgroups, massive wait lists for brownies as so many packs closed due to lack of volunteers etc.
Fear to let children do age appropriate tasks. So they don't get chance to practice and build skills in an age appropriate way. Children learn with age appropriate responsibility.
There was far more collective pressure in past. So a child would need to behave in a socially acceptable way to be accepted into group to play out with friends, out of line children would be told off by community and general pressure on parents to conform eg children needed to be toilet trained to go to school nursery at 3.
School system that requires everyone to be academic and pass tests. In the past children who weren't academic could leave school and work or late bloomers do night school etc. Lots of careers didn't need University and you could work way up.

Agreed.

But I also in part, blame social media/media for that.

Anxious parents often result in anxious children and if the parents are constantly confused by the messages they receive from the Internet, their parenting is effected by that.

A definite trend I've observed over the last 15 years on and off MN is well-meaning people leaping in to give usually unqualified advice which is based on what they've seen on social media or experienced themselves which doesn't necessarily translate to the issue the OP is dealing with.

I 100% think social media forums including MN have contributed to the huge rise in ASC/ADHD/MH referrals that community paediatricians and CAMHS services have seen.

I've seen far, far too many threads where an OP gives very limited information and is immediately told their DC or they/their DP likely has ASC/ASHD or a MH condition and should seek assessment.

And the Tiktoks, YouTube channels etc where misinformation is widespread and thoughts or behaviors that are really common, are presented as indicative of some kind of pathology which isn't always the case.

I think what a lot of people are calling 'draconian' rules in schools is actually just schools desperately trying to issue sanctions for minor things in the vain and misguided hope that this will improve behaviour overall, because that's actually the only thing they have the power to do.

So the largely compliant, well-behaved kids and their parents sadly suck up their behaviour points for forgetting a pencil once, or wearing not quite the right shade of socks, and meanwhile horrific bullying, vandalism and disruption go unchecked because the kids who do that stuff (and possibly their parents) don't give a shit about behaviour points and know that they'd practically have to strangle the Headteacher to get permanently excluded.

Totally agree with you. Children spend far too long gawping at those horrible addictive devices, their parents are on them too, rather than playing or reading with them. Mine aren’t allowed them and we don’t use them in front of them except for vitally important things.

I do wonder if a lot of this is linked to a drop in resilience within the adult population who then become parents. And the increase in anxiety and mental health challenges for adults now - linked to the availability of non stop news and information, and most people don't know how to cope with it. This plays into a passive parenting style when previously an adult wouldn't mind disciplining a child or having a difficult conversation or trusting them out alone to play - now adult anxieties mean they can't do this without getting triggered or suffering mentally as a result. So using a screen is a low conflict way of dealing. There's also an increase in badly trained dogs too as so many people see children and dogs as a lifestyle, or achievement rather than a responsibility.

Maybe the rise particularly in lower income families of mums being deserted by useless dads and having to juggle work and parenting. Certainly around me there's a huge increase in gangs and i attended a community workshop on how to tackle the problem - everyone was shouting police and teachers should do more - they can't, DH is a copper and the gangs are more armed than he is and every interaction with them is filmed by a passer-by immediately assuming brutality - there's nothing they can do as their top command won't support it either if it goes tits up. Anyway, one gent from the same estate who works to rehabilitate these boys said it wasn't the teacher or police's job but that of their parents and wider community. Having children is a responsibility and too many had multiple kids with different dads without the time and patience to raise them right. It was an interesting POV but of course you can't ever criticise parents now.

I'm not sure it will get solved until there's personal responsibility from parents - teach their children more than can be taught in a classroom. Bigger focus on active and creative pursuits rather than mindless screen time, and bringing back discipline. Also more adults ensuring they don't allow their own anxieties and neuroses to impact how they parent - making use of their own screen time to learn coping techniques online.