Becoming a mum has ruined my life

OP, you're a parent now. What you're experiencing is entirely normal. I had to stop reading/watching the news in the end. Anything involving children just ruined me.

The straw that broke the camel's back was when I was feeding DS2 at 10pm, got him back off to sleep, continued reading online new articles, felt so awful for tiny child in the story that I had to go and smother my own child in kisses, woke him up in doing so, he finally went back off to sleep around 3am, DS1 woke up at 5am.

As they get older it gets slightly easier but now anything with a teenager floors me.

Yes, my DH was affected too. He was a lawyer who had to deal with child abuse cases and I would find him in tears over his work from time to time. He still got it dine but he couldn’t detach the way he did before.
my kids are now mid late teens and I would say it’s easier now but you never go back to where you were before. I have eyes on stalks for any kid who looks lost or in trouble.

Do the thoughts disturb sleep? Intrude on daily life? If yes, it’s worth seeking help.

If no, but you now have a strong emotional reaction, that’s totally normal. I cried daily for several weeks about Arthur Labinjo-Hughes, just a horrific thing to do to a child and devastating to think about.

Equally, whenever I’m pregnant, I can’t watch anything remotely violent or sad - it’s just too much.

I was the same as you so I stopped reading, watching and listening to the news. I get the occasional news story through mumsnet but no where near what I was consuming before. Even before I had children, if I heard a horrible news story it was all I could think of for days and even now, years later, some still haunt me. I think think the problem is I'm more empathetic than the average person so some things really stick. I recommend cutting out the news, it's very freeing and something practical you can do to help.

It’s normal for you to have a strong reaction to child abuse, but it’s not normal to spend excessive amounts of time thinking about it and for it to consume you on a regular basis when you haven’t seen an article. You need to seek mental health support, so they can consider the possibility you have ocd.

In your arms you are holding the most precious thing in the world to you. You love and care and adore your child.

news stories that before we’re abstract are now concrete - when you hear about a little one being hurt - you look down at your baby and see their tiny helpless body and can my help but think why? How? Could anyone hurt a precious child.

you see the stories differently now because you have experienced the overwhelming love Towards your baby and it breaks your heart thinking that another child is not experiencing that.

your empathy shows you are a lovely and loving person.

what is important is that you don’t become overwhelmed / fixated by the evil in the world as let’s be honest - there is a lot.

it might be worth seeking out some counselling / therapy around this to help you to keep it in perspective and to help you to manage your intense feelings.

you sound like an amazing mum.

Becoming a parent definitely opens up your emotions. I was never one to cry at films/tv shows but I blubbed my eyes out last week watching titanic when the mum settles her children into bed and reads them a story knowing that the ship is sinking. My partner says he feels the same since we’ve become parents too and had tears in his eyes when someone’s son died in a tv show we watched recently.

But of course if it’s so intense it’s impacting your life in general as you’ve said, you should speak to your GP or health visitor.

Before I had my son 2.5 years ago I could read books and watch movies about all sorts. But since having him even the slightest suggestion of abuse makes me sick to my stomach , I'd actually cry my eyes out. Having a child creates an instinct in us to protect them and I suppose it extends to all children really. How you are feeling is very common and there's definitely nothing wrong with you or that feeling

I'm very careful now about what I watch/consume media wise since I became a mum 3.5 years ago.

I too cannot bear the idea of any harm coming to any child.

I donate to baby babies, donate to charities and just focus on my little family.

We can raise good people and that is our responsibility

Speak to your GP. I've been on citalopram since not long after the birth of my second 3 months ago and its really helped with these anxious feelings. I didn't have PND, just anxiety which had been festering for years.

I feel the same hearing about people being cruel to dogs. Knowing how vulnerable and trusting they are with humans and how anyone could break that trust makes me inconsolable. Also hearing stories of people whose dog has died alongside (admittedly over sentimental) poetry has me in floods.

Conversely similar stories about children elicits very little emotional response in me.

Oxytocin is a very powerful drug.

I think it happens to lots of parents. As a childless woman it used to annoy me when I'd see comments like "as a parent this is heart breaking"-as if it isn't when you're not one. But it does seem to be more intense and upsets parents more in general. I think it's because they can't help but imagine what it'd be like if it happened to their own child maybe?

There’s nothing wrong with you. And it’s not just women. Before DD was born DH was a bit of an emotional void. Now he cries at absolutely everything - films, TV shows, charity adverts, everything.

I've always been very emotional relating to children and so upset at the pain that I feel they have had.
This has carried across now to animals which I'm linking to having our own dog. It's not just that I feel sad about how awful it is that the abuse happens but its like I feel the emotion from the animal ie when it's been abandoned I feel like I'm feeling their confusion and distress.
I've also had to stop podcasts etc because of things happening to kids/animals. One time I was driving and I had switch it off and I was immediately in tears.
I'm being more aware of what I'm letting myself hear/see!

I think a lot of mums go through this to a lesser extent but they can get on with life.

We can’t take on everyone’s pain to the degree that we end up grieving, spiralling and having physical symptoms on a regular basis though.

To have such intense feelings as to say they are ruining your life is a sure sign that you need to see your GP.

I also find hearing about child abuse extremely distressing, I deleted Twitter because I saw a video i wish I hadn't seen. But if you're becoming fixated on these stories it sounds like you're possibly suffering from intrusive thoughts, which is part of anxiety - very common when you have young children and seeing a GP will help with this.

yep I am the same since having babies ( not anxiety inducing though) I used to really not be effected by the Africa Oxfam adverts on tele or stories in the press of bad things happening to kids, but now- Jesus I well up everytime! It

I’m going against the grain here. It’s normal to feel a deeper emotional connection with such stories but spiralling into intense anxiety with physical symptoms isn’t the norm. I think you should ask for a referral to the post natal mental health team.

I experienced similar in the first year of motherhood. It gets better but it never goes away. I was never like this before kids. Motherhood is life changing in the most amazing ways and in the worst ways 😔

I think it’s somewhat normal. I now can imagine my own child in awful stories I hear and so yes it makes me feel sick.

I’ve got two small children and similar feelings here. I could watch a film before where a child was hurt and think it was a bit sad. Now it’s unbearable and I have to turn it off immediately

It's common, but not normal.

OP go and see the doc. Sounds like you have anxiety anyway but that this has been exacerbated by the birth of your dc. This could easily get worse and you end up having a panic attack that literally paralyses you.

Speaking from experience.

I think it’s normal. DH and I can’t watch/ read anything with child abuse themes anymore either. Just can’t do it. Before I had DC it would make me angry and sad but after DC it felt overwhelming and as you describe nausea, this feeling of being punched in the stomach or my stomach dropping.

The disgust I feel for people who actively choose to harm children or neglect them is also very intense.

Possible trigger...

Hey OP, I'm a medical professional, and pre my 2 year old boy, considered myself quite 'hard' and could work with families who had committed awful things and hear/see awful things and although it upset me, I could swiftly move on.

I once looked after the Head of child homicide in my capacity as a health care professional. I distinctly remember consoling her as she sobbed at the thought of going back to work, and remember her asking how she could ever do the same job again now she was a mum...didn't get it at the time as I assumed one could detach themselves.

Now I really, really struggle to hear some of the stuff I have to deal with at work and I cannot, for the life of me, stop thinking about the little toddler that fell in the river and who still hasn't been found. It's affected me quite deeply so you have my sympathies. I deal with it by acknowledging how lucky I am and then swiftly distracting myself.

I couldn’t stop thinking about a news story involving a toddler recently. Makes me feel sick whenever I think about it.