To find this a bit rude from relative

What’s that got to do with having basic manners?!

Just what I was going to say.

No excuse not to say thank you.

There is giving with heart, and there is giving with an eye on a return

”I promised an essential costly bit of kit and binbag full of second-hand clothes in the expectation of public, or at least enthusiastic private, thanks, and the future promise of the use of their child for playdates for mine

The costly bit of kit was broken, she thanked me for the clothes via our gran and doesn’t seem to understand she is supposed to now engage with me re making cosy cousin relationship

The selfish bitch must never think of anyone but herself”

God preserve us poor charity cases from those who do good primarily for the look of the thing

And to put us on the back foot to agree in future to how you want things to be in eternal gratitude

Because if the above is not what you intended then why are you at all annoyed?

You offered A+B, delivered B, received thanks, albeit via granny (but your shared granny) and her baby isn’t currently old enough for playdates as such

Some rude MNers on this thread!

Regardless of what she said to your nan, she should have thanked you personally. I wouldn’t bother again!

Someone who doesn’t have the basic manners to text “ thanks for the clothes” isn’t worth bothering with any further.

She said she was happy to take them, and, yes, a ‘thank you’ would be nice!

"and she thanked you via your gran"

Nah, that isn't a thank you. We aren't living in Victorian times with no phones. A quick text costs nothing

She was rude and now you have no need to bother anymore.

I agree it was rude of her not to text to say thanks, but perhaps she did expect your nan to pass that along.

This stood out to me:

Maybe I thought us both having kids now would be a chance to get a bit closer again and be there for eachother more but she clearly doesn't see it that way.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but is this a boundaries thing? Maybe she very much doesn't want to reconnect, for whatever reason. She should've said no thanks to the baby stuff in that case though!

I hope you asked her first if she wanted them!

I hated it when people used to bring bin bags full of baby stuff around without asking me. It gave me a job to do and I resented having to thank you for something I didn't ask for or want

She’s probably overwhelmed. I remember when relatives used to send my daughter a lot of things for Xmas in one big parcel and I was too stressed and tired at the time to work out who sent what and thank people individually. I now realize that expecting people to say thank you and show their appreciation is just giving them an extra job. It’s all very well to say it’s not much to ask but for some people it is. Now I just assume that people are grateful for gifts or whatever I give them and don’t judge them when I don’t get a thanks.

Maybe she was being polite saying she wanted the clothes when really she didn't and she isn't sounding so enthusiastic so that you don't give any again. I had a cousin that offered me clothes and I was weak and accepted them but I would never put my new baby in someone elses dribbled on used clothes because I am quite weird with sharing stuff, each to their own though but she said to me she wouldn't put her baby in second hand clothes and also handed me clothes from her friend's baby too. Eventually she would not stop offering and even when I said no thankyou she still kept asking it was soo annoying!! Anyway that's my take on it

I'm so fed up of people lacking manners nowadays.
I blame the parents.
They just weren't taught them

She sent thanks through her nan,

She put on Facebook about the knitted stuff because it was handmade by her nan and that's a lot of effort.

I know when I was pregnant my in laws brought round bags and bags of old toys.

I knew I was expected to be grateful for them and so we said thank you but honestly I was overwhelmed with how much stuff there was, and my pregnancy was very difficult and I worried about my children surviving it.

If you want to reconnect then reconnect. Sending stuff isn't always a good way of reconnecting.

It was rude although perhaps she thought you just wanted to get rid of things which is sometimes how I thought of it when people gave me bags of baby clothes and her taste is not necessarily the same as yours. I also think your feelings come from hoping this might bring you closer together which is hasn’t

When my friend sent me a bag of second hand clothes for my first baby over 30 years ago l cried. I thought l am not putting my brand new baby in those clothes. I actually have no problem with second hand clothes..swap with my sisters/ go to charity shops ..but for a new long awaited baby l wanted soft and fresh and new. Sometimes it's better to give toddler stuff as when they start to crawl fresh and new goes out the window.

Did you miss the bit where OP said her cousin was happy to take anything she wanted to pass on??

Just because you wanted new stuff for your baby doesn't mean everyone else does.

Op - your cousin was rude and thoughtless not to thank you.

The OP asked the cousin, if she wanted the clothes. If she did not, a quick, no thanks I am sorted for clothes at the moment, is all she had to say. It is simple, and would not offend.

I was never a great fan of being given bin bags full of other people’s baby clothes when I was pregnant. We lived in a small flat and had absolutely nowhere to store anything. I probably would have sent a text directly to thank her though.

Maybe I thought us both having kids now would be a chance to get a bit closer again and be there for eachother more but she clearly doesn't see it that way.

If you do genuinely want to become closer again-I’d invite her round for lunch or something. That’s probably going to be more effective at building bridges than a bag of clothes. I presume your joint nan lives close-could she come, too?

I've found all the answers and different opinions on here really helpful..just goes to be show there is no normal and every teen, and the messages they get at home, will be different! Also that as kids of millennials, X'ers, etc seem to have a lot more options open to them than we did! It just seemed standard/expected when I was young I think.. 🙁

I felt a annoyed when people gave me second hand stuff. It was precious to them. Not to me. I wanted to pick out my own stuff, but now I had to be grateful.

This was 21 years ago!

@Tresfren45 your cousin who lost her mum is having a baby. Be there for her
Don't put her in the position of having to be grateful for something she didn't ask for. I'd ring her up, don't mention clothes, or things, ask her how she feels about x, y, z

Of course she was extremely rude not to thank you. I despair how selfish and bad mannered some people are and amazed that so many think it’s acceptable to behave thus.

It says in the OP: I texted to see how she was and ask her what kind of clothes she needed most and she was happy to take anything.

You offered, she said she was happy to take anything. Of course she will need to look through everything and pass on anything she’s not keen on. That’s the deal with accepting a bulk amount of clothing - you need to sort through it. She’s rude for not saying a simple thanks, and as she has your mobile it is unnecessary to go through a third person.

I would not offer any further baby & toddler items to anyone who can’t be bothered to say thanks, so beware before you start clearing out toys and more clothing etc. I’ve been there with a friend who has a child a year younger than mine and after several occasions when she took many items (saw photos first and said what she would like) and never said thanks, the Baby Bank and charity shop now get everything.

"Bin liner"......