To find this a bit rude from relative

@abracadabra1980 so your situation is totally different to OPs?

Maybe you made her feel like a charity case, yes she agreed to the clothes but maybe she didn't feel she could say no and she hasn't been overly thankful because she doesn't want to encourage you to give anymore. You're being so precious over second hand clothes, you've probably gave her.more work and junk in her house. What are you after tons of praise? You gave some worn old clothes, you haven't stopped starvation, why do you want her falling at your feet, do you want to feel like a marytr. Everytime someone offers me clothes I think hold on do you think I can't afford to buy my baby things.

I didn’t get a chance to respond - she dropped them at my mothers and my mother brought them to me, completely unable to understand why I wasn’t eternally grateful.

Blimey you wanted it spelled out didn’t you op. 😂

@abracadabra1980 when she asked you if you wanted the clothes, before she dropped them off, how did you respond?

Same here. One daughter of a friend of my mother thought she was being kind by dumping a black bin liner full of her kids old clothes, on me. (I hadn't seen her in years and never liked her taste in anything). I had only moved 6 weeks prior to having my DD and had barely unpacked from the house I've and this fucking bin liner arriving full of someone else's cast offs was the straw that broke my emotional camels back and I went totally apeshit. We were high earners at the time.
I wanted the joy of choosing and buying my own babies clothes, and had no idea how anyone couldn't understand this!

It annoyed me when people gave me bags of stuff that I didn't want and I felt rude rejecting. It was more work for me to take it to the charity collection which what I did with 99% of stuff, however, I always said "thank you" for anything I received and would think it was rude not to thank someone.

Give her the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps she has 'baby brain' and really meant to text later in the day. Then forgot. Maybe when she dresses her baby in your gifted clothes she will send a photo and an 'Aww he looks so cute, thank you'.

Yes it’s rude.

If someone gives you something then you say thanks, it’s basic manners.

I was going to say does she have baby brain and she thought she’d said thanks already but when you sent her a text about the steriliser then I would have thought she would have thanked or acknowledged them again then.

So it sounds like she’s just rude.

You not addressed your nonsense in your last post?

This is further and probably more nonsense.

If I were your cousin I'd rather not receive the gift at all than have the giver stewing and bitching about me because I didn't say thanks enough or in the "right" way. She probably said thanks when you first offered the clothes.

Well, yes. A total non reaction was indeed wrong, which you wouldn’t be struggling with if you had any manners at all.

This is so ridiculous. Her reaction to a bag of second hand clothes was "wrong"

🙄

It is rude of her not to say thank you.

However, I found my last pregnancy really really tough for various reasons and was slow at texting / was not as present as I should have been, so please give her the benefit of the doubt - you did a lovely, kind thing - hopefully your clothes and steriliser will be well used and appreciated.

I'm sorry but losing a parent 15 years ago is no excuse for rudeness.

I also hate having people's stuff foisted upon me- but if I had agreed to receive said stuff in advance then why on earth wouldn't I thank the person who sent them?

Thanking 'through their nan' (which she didn't even really do!) is pathetic and lazy. It takes 30 seconds to write a text.

Isn't the point she hadn't said thanks?

She said to get man they were nice.

I think you've missed the point of the thread?

It would be perceived as ruder to send the bag back.

She's received a bag of second hand clothes, she said thanks.

What do you want from her? She has to mind yr feelings even though she lost her mum.

So why was she happy to take them?

Ungrateful she was OP.

So you gave the things to help her out and because you thought she needed them you offered

And because she accepted you gave in generosity

That’s a nice thing a good person would do

Yes it is nice to receive thanks, it may be polite and the social norm

But not getting a direct thanks does not cancel out her initial need, or your subsequent generosity, or indeed reflect the level of gratitude she might feel

You want to be acknowledged as being a good person by the person you helped and because she has not done that you are annoyed

Can you not think of yourself as having done a nice thing and having been a good person helping out a relative without her direct thanks?

A text to say thanks would have been nice but it seems to me she possibly didn't really want the stuff but maybe felt it was a bit awkward to say no. It sounds like youve maybe put more importance on this than she has, you've said yourself you aren't close and live hours apart so it doesn't really sound like you have much of a relationship. To you you put a lot of effort in and hoped to rekindle a relationship but to her your a random relative who's given her a bag of old stuff.

Well—if it was rude what will you do about it?

That’s really the question.

The reality is she lives 4 hours away—which in Britain is like 1000 miles anywhere else—in straightened circs, and the children will be pretty different in age.

A closer relationship is not going to just happen.

Very poor manners, I agree. I wouldn't send her anything else, ever.

She should still have said thank you - and she'd agreed to have the clothes

A quick text would have been nice.

That's a bit pedantic I think.