Should I speak to the wife 6 years later?

I know some regard it as bad form, but I have just been reading your thread about this situation posted in 2018. It's extremely interesting.

Not once in that thread did you express any concern for his wife's wellbeing.
Your desire for revenge was palpable then and clearly that hasn't changed in 6 years.
Lots of posters back then agreed that his wife needed to know , and you were given advice on how to communicate with her in the least hurtful way.
Why did you not tell her then? The baby had been born.
The fact that you have not moved on in 6 years is really concerning. Have you had counselling? Because this drive for revenge 6 years down the line is extremely unhealthy

Do you know her health status now? Do you know he hasn't told her and they have decided to stay together?

The more you post, the more obvious it is that this is all about you. Get yourself into therapy.

You’d be inflicting a lot of pain on his wife.

Why now after 6 years? Just let it go.
Who knows, maybe he has changed his ways,!!

When it happened, pregnant and before marriage would be when I would have wanted to know, yes.

Not when I was married and with two children who aren't as easily transportable as a pregnant belly and when they have a life and a relationship with him thaI'd feel I was uprooting.

So, yes. I would have rather have known then.

That's the point other posters have made. You didn't think it was right for you to say anything then. It might feel right for you to say something now but that doesn't mean it's the right time for her to hear it.

God no, that’s just cruel. Leave her alone.

You’re clearly still in love/ obsessed with this man. I wonder how your current partner would feel if he knew how you felt about a fling from six years ago?

Every single person on here has replied to saying it’s a bad idea with valid reasons and you are still insisting otherwise. Either this is fake or you are unhinged. Leave their family alone.

despite your insistence, you are not over him, you haven’t moved on. If you had, then you wouldn’t have spent the last 6 years obsessing over it.

Agreed.

After 6 years, it wouldn't even be something you ever really thought about anymore other than a fleeting awareness when something triggered a memory of it.

OP, just because you wouldn’t want to know at the time doesn’t mean she wouldn’t have wanted to, you took that decision from her. Why? Only you truly know the real reason you didn’t say anything at the time and her being pregnant is just an excuse you live been using. She may have believed you, she may not have. Also just because you think it’s the right time, doesn’t mean it is.

Would you really be happy if your DP’s former fling rocked up after 6 years to tell you about their 3 month fling.
Are you honestly saying you wouldn’t question the motives behind appearing 6 years later?
I honestly don’t think you would be happy at all.

despite your insistence, you are not over him, you haven’t moved on. If you had, then you wouldn’t have spent the last 6 years obsessing over it. You need to think about what you honestly want out of this and why you truly want to tell her and why now.

you are clearly going to tell her. Just be prepared for her to not believe you. Be prepared to be called crazy and bitter and jealous. Be prepared for the backlash that will be coming your way.

I hope you will be happy when you have completely ruined another woman's life. You have no idea what she knows, you have no idea of the state of their marriage today. In fact you know nothing at all. You come across as very vengeful, you want to ruin his life and therefore stand a chance of ruining his wife's life. You don't seem to care about the children she has and what the effect of their marriage ending might have on them. Just step back and look at your own life and why you are so determined to do this. The time to tell her has long gone.

If you were going to tell her, six years ago was the time. Why were you opposed to telling a pregnant lady this stuff, but not opposed to telling it to a woman with two small children?

Surely if anything it was more moral to tell her at the time while she was pregnant with the first, to save her wasting six more years on this man and having another kid to single parent in future?

Telling her now is the worst of all worlds. You've not saved her any heartache because you still plan to tell her, but now her situation is a thousand times harder to walk away from.

So, the only reason the right time is now, is because you have moved away. You want to drop a bomb on a young family's life to satisfy your hunger for revenge on a man you have been obsessed with for the last six years.

There is nothing morally right about what you are (obviously) going to do. You came on here because you wanted validation. You didn't get it, but you remain undeterred.

You are being massively and immorally unreasonable. There is nothing right or good about what you are going to do.

@OP "The reason I didn't speak then was that his wife was pregnant with their kid and I didn't want to cause any harm."

& exactly what harm do you think you are not doing by speaking up 6 years later when they have two small children.

Leave it - otherwise I genuinely think you will come over as bonkers or vindictive.

For all you know they got over this . Even if not I think the time has passed for you to tell her something which happened 6 years ago.

I think that it's pretty obvious that you are going to tell her anyway so not sure why you are even asking.

OP why did you title the post 'Should I' instead of 'So I am going to' and make it a statement rather than a question to begin with?

OP, you clearly are going to contact this woman. You always were. You just haven't found the validation you were looking for on this thread.
If you were ever going to tell her, it should have been at the time of the affair, when you found out he was married. Her being pregnant isn't an excuse. Do you think telling her now she has two young children with this man is going to make things easier or less stressful? Your desire to spill it now stems from your anger, not a moral obligation.

You had the chance to tell her once the baby had been born if you were so concerned for her wellbeing whilst pregnant.
Why didn't you do that?

Me me me me
I I I I I

Dear god some people really do think it's all about them

But you think now is the right time?
How can you possibly know that?

Wonder what your DP thinks of you still being occupied emotionally by a three month affair partner from six years ago?

Look you clearly want to ruin this guy's life and you don't care if his wife and two kids are collateral damage in the process. So you have waited six years to do this as you are now in the position that you personally will not be affected by any fallout. If I was your DP I would be thinking very deeply about your motivation and character.

I've already told you that I have been in exactly that situation and it was absolutely the right time to be told.
Are you actually reading what posters are writing?

If you think he is dangerous, then you would put his wife in danger by telling her.

Everyone is telling you not to tell her and you are not listening.

Realistically, what do you expect to happen?

She's not going to leave him, or even humour the idea of ending the relationship over some anonymous stranger's accusation with no proof. You admit he's a pathological liar, so it's likely he'll simply talk his way out of it. Ultimately, he'll continue to get away with it having faced no repercussions, and you'll have caused this woman a great deal of emotional distress to no gain.