Page 8 | Should I speak to the wife 6 years later?

Anon31483 · 2024-05-18T12:45:31+00:00

I 37F was with someone 39M for 3 months when I found out he was married with a kid on the way. I found out it wasn't the first time he cheated during their relationship either. He cheated also before they got married. The guy is a compulsive liar. The reason I didn't speak then was that his wife was pregnant with their kid and I didn't want to cause any harm. Now I found out they had a second kid who is one. I myself moved on of course and my own kid. However my conscience has been eating me up all these years. Should I speak up anonymously?

Lizzy1980 · 18/05/2024 17:12

You may have convinced yourself that you want to tell his wife for honourable reasons but please don’t expect anyone else to believe this. You obviously want to hurt him but it’s his wife and possibly his children who are going to be hurt. This is no longer any of your business. Concentrate on your own family and leave theirs alone

Iloveyoubut · 18/05/2024 17:10

I know you don’t. And I’m glad you know that too. X

Original poster

Anon31483 · 18/05/2024 17:09

Iloveyoubut · 18/05/2024 17:06

No. If you think it’s ok to suggest a women is unhinged and needs therapy or you think it’s ok to do so… that’s not ok.

Don't worry there are people who just don't want to see things as they are and that's OK. I certainly don't need therapy that much I know lol.

OP posts:

Iloveyoubut · 18/05/2024 17:08

TeaandScandal · 18/05/2024 17:00

Are you serious?
No, I don’t think any elaboration is necessary.

Show quote history

Yes I’m perfectly serious. Should I be carted off for therapy too? Unhinged? Nah… that’s not an ok thing to say and if you think it is… in my opinion you’ve lost yourself

pilates · 18/05/2024 17:07

No

GreyCarpet · 18/05/2024 17:07

OP, I think if you take nothing else from this thread then atnleast take note of the fact the overwhelming response is to keep quiet.

Iloveyoubut · 18/05/2024 17:06

No. If you think it’s ok to suggest a women is unhinged and needs therapy or you think it’s ok to do so… that’s not ok.

spannered · 18/05/2024 17:06

No don't tell her. I usually think the opposite, but now they have two children and if she doesn't know, this could really ruin their lives.

Especially don't tell her if you're going to remain anonymous because it's much harder to believe, and when her husband denies it, she'll probably believe him.

CalishataFolkart · 18/05/2024 17:05

Anon31483 · 18/05/2024 15:11

She definitely doesn't know. I'll see what I'm gonna do I have nor decided yet.

How do you know this??

Please find a hobby or a good cause or something to fill your time with instead of creating drama. He treated you badly, the best revenge is a life well lived.

Original poster

Anon31483 · 18/05/2024 17:05

AnneShirleysNewDress · 18/05/2024 17:00

If it only took you three months to uncover that he was a cheat don't you think she might already know after more than 6 years with him?

For certain she doesn't know as he is very good at telling believable lies.

OP posts:

CorylusAgain · 18/05/2024 17:05

Iloveyoubut · 18/05/2024 16:55

This. Is a truly disgusting post. How dare you call someone unhinged and suggest they need therapy for asking the question they asked. Gaslighting at its finest. Why do you think they’re unhinged? Why do you think they need therapy? Please… elaborate.

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The OP had a brief relationship with a lying aresehole 6 years ago. It lasted 3 months. Thats right, just 12 weeks.
She wrote a thread at the time (after the affair had ended) asking if she shoukd tell the man's wife.
6 years (yes, 6 YEARS) later she is asking the same question and is still full of anger and desire for revenge.

That is not normal and it is not healthy. Unless the OP wants to live the rest of her life in the same state of vengeance, she could probably benefit from professional support.

Springchickenonion · 18/05/2024 17:04

Don't stir the pot. You don't know what's happening in their lives right now. You did the right thing at the time by breaking it off.

Leave well alone

Original poster

Anon31483 · 18/05/2024 17:04

Tyiue · 18/05/2024 17:00

You're coming across like an angry woman who was scorned. You're out for revenge and want to hurt him where it hurts. To me, that is what you seem to be looking for.

Could this be because he seems to have a happy family and you don't? Therefore, by telling his wife, chances are that his family will break up and he will be in the same situation as you?

The right thing would be to say nothing. But, if you're so hurt and wish to punish him. Go ahead and tell his wife. Just pray that 6 years down the line, you're not back here asking for advice to assuage your guilt of any negative impact your revenge may have on the wife and children.

Show quote history

If you read, I have my own family and I'm very happy. I have nothing to be jealous of this scumbag. But something like he did? You just can't let it slide. I've been thinking to speak for a while it's not a new thought

OP posts:

Netball01 · 18/05/2024 17:02

Sounds to me like you just want to cause some drama !! Absolutely nothing to gain from telling her 6 years later - you really need to move on.

Also, he may have told her and they decided to work through it - then you’ll just be bringing it all up again

TeaandScandal · 18/05/2024 17:00

Iloveyoubut · 18/05/2024 16:55

This. Is a truly disgusting post. How dare you call someone unhinged and suggest they need therapy for asking the question they asked. Gaslighting at its finest. Why do you think they’re unhinged? Why do you think they need therapy? Please… elaborate.

Show quote history

Are you serious?
No, I don’t think any elaboration is necessary.

Tyiue · 18/05/2024 17:00

Anon31483 · 18/05/2024 14:42

I dont think you understand. I don't want him or have feelings for him. Obviously if he does this on a regular basis he is used to it. I dont care if he gives me a second or a third thought. I'm just wondering what is right. Obviously I know that not speaking up is the most convenient thing to do but it doesn't make it right.

You're coming across like an angry woman who was scorned. You're out for revenge and want to hurt him where it hurts. To me, that is what you seem to be looking for.

Could this be because he seems to have a happy family and you don't? Therefore, by telling his wife, chances are that his family will break up and he will be in the same situation as you?

The right thing would be to say nothing. But, if you're so hurt and wish to punish him. Go ahead and tell his wife. Just pray that 6 years down the line, you're not back here asking for advice to assuage your guilt of any negative impact your revenge may have on the wife and children.

AnneShirleysNewDress · 18/05/2024 17:00

If it only took you three months to uncover that he was a cheat don't you think she might already know after more than 6 years with him?

Fleurdalys · 18/05/2024 17:00

CorylusAgain · 18/05/2024 16:48

I know some regard it as bad form, but I have just been reading your thread about this situation posted in 2018. It's extremely interesting.

Not once in that thread did you express any concern for his wife's wellbeing.
Your desire for revenge was palpable then and clearly that hasn't changed in 6 years.
Lots of posters back then agreed that his wife needed to know , and you were given advice on how to communicate with her in the least hurtful way.
Why did you not tell her then? The baby had been born.
The fact that you have not moved on in 6 years is really concerning. Have you had counselling? Because this drive for revenge 6 years down the line is extremely unhealthy

This

Fleurdalys · 18/05/2024 16:58

Don't be a twat
Get over it
Leave them alone

Iloveyoubut · 18/05/2024 16:55

TeaandScandal · 18/05/2024 16:50

This is unhinged, op.
Get some therapy and get on with your life.

This. Is a truly disgusting post. How dare you call someone unhinged and suggest they need therapy for asking the question they asked. Gaslighting at its finest. Why do you think they’re unhinged? Why do you think they need therapy? Please… elaborate.

StarryNorthernLights · 18/05/2024 16:54

He will just deny it and she will believe him .

Megifer · 18/05/2024 16:52

"My life isn't going great, I'll go and wreck someone else's over something that happened 6 years ago"

Iloveyoubut · 18/05/2024 16:52

twentysevendresses · 18/05/2024 13:53

Don't be ridiculous!

And what's with the '39F' business? 🤦‍♀️ This is Mumsnet not Reddit!

What are you even going on about?!

feelingalittlehorse · 18/05/2024 16:51

OP, the only thing that is going to come out of this is that you will look like a bitter knobhead who hasn’t moved on.

If you think this will have any impact on him at all, then you are a fool. Chance of this ‘comeuppance’ coming to him? Zero. All you will do is cause drama and upset with zero consequences.

Don’t bother.

TeaandScandal · 18/05/2024 16:50

This is unhinged, op.
Get some therapy and get on with your life.