Should I speak to the wife 6 years later?

Good answer.

I would add that even women who would want to know don't want to hear it from the woman who is obsessed with their husband and family and has been stalking (or investigating as the OP calls it) them for information about their circumstances for the last six years.

You don't need to understand why. You just need to understand that some people wouldn't appreciate an unsolicited message from a total stranger - maybe even an anonymous message, how horrible - telling them their partner cheated six years ago. And if you don't know which kind of person you're looking at - and OP doesn't - you stay out and do no harm.

What do you mean by being mean? Is it the fact we aren’t going yes OP destroy another woman to fuel your own ego?

Just because OP and clearly you can’t handle the response posters are giving doesn’t make them mean.

tbh the only one being mean and aggressive is OP because she can’t handle others not thinking the way she does.

Not half as aggressive or rude and name-calling as the OP trying to defend her actions.

And certainly not 'mean'. Giving honest opinions isn't being 'mean'.

Leave her alone.

If posters are trying to help her, then why are some of them being so aggressive and quite mean in their replies?

As I've said before, if I had been cheated on 6 months or 6 years ago, I'd want to know. I honestly don't understand people who wouldn't want to know.

^^
This.

Trying to justify your emotions and behaviour then and now is not doing yourself any favours.

I hope you can appreciate that most posters here are trying to help you (and maybe prevent a replay of the experiences you've had) because you are still 'stuck' and need professional help.

Leave these people alone.
It’s 6 years on.
Let it go.

The fact that it happened 6 years ago doesn't minimise anything at all. The way it happened it had significant impact on me on many areas of my life
What we are trying to get you to see is that an emotionally and mentally healthy person would not be still affected 6 years down the line.

You obviously care about your current relationship and child. So you owe it to them to speak to a professional about how you manage your emotional responses to difficult situations.
Your own words on your own threads demonstrate that you are not doing this healthily or successfully.

Well, I'm not you and no I wouldn't have. It was their problem to work through and you see, she did have suspicions.

And as a PP says, your logic is all over the place.
You don't care now that they have children!

The 'reason' you gave for not telling her now after 6 years is supposedly to save your own skin! And it not affect your current relationship. You've never once said that her children or the family were the reason for not telling her now.

Reading your history here on this and your other 'relationship' where you had suspicions shows you are possibly having issues to work through.

I mean, snooping around the next man you dated, spying on him etc, because of what happened in your very short affair with the other man, shows you have issues with trust and also perhaps self-esteem.

If you thought you'd found a partner for life after dating him for 3 months AND knowing he was married (she was his 'back up' you believed ) that's a bit worrying. Getting so 'head over heels' in 3 months and then stalking him- wow- he must be really something this guy!

Sorry OP but you have not given any justifiable reasons for not speaking at the time. You have hinted vaguely at "safety" and when pushed into a corner by posters you claim that you were concerned about his wife receiving the information whilst pregnant. But it turns out you posted here soon after tge baby was born so the first "reason" is debunked.

The "safety" aspect is so vague and dramatic it's very hard to accept. But if we do accept he was a dangerous man 6 years ago, then you have to accept that you left a woman and newborn in far greater danger.

The fact that it happened 6 years ago doesn't minimise anything at all. The way it happened it had significant impact on me on many areas of my life

Petty vendetta bullshit. Get a grip on yourself.

That would have been such a nasty, horrible thing to do. Drop a bomb but giving her no way to check the source, deciding it's your business enough to get involved and drop that bomb, but not enough to take any consequences yourself- only you deserve protection.

So horrible. If someone did that to me I think I'd think worse of them than the affair. If it's not worth you paying any price for it, why would you think it's that important?

And by that logic, there's even less reason to do it now there's a second child involved.

Excellent post @TellMeWhoTheVillainsAre 👏

No. Just leave it.

@Anon31483 I do believe this has deeply affected you. More than you are willing to admit to yourself. I remember watching the lovely Denise Robertson on This Morning one day and someday had written in asking about getting revenge on their ex. She gave the sagest advice I'd ever heard. She said it is difficult when you are upset to not react. But by reacting all your are showing them is they still matter in your life. They still mean something to you. They still have an affect on you.

6 years later you will simply be showing this fella that he still means something in your life. I can guarantee he is not thinking about you today. He hasn't thought about you for years. He didn't care back then and he doesn't care now. Please don't drag yourself back to that horrible place where you are giving him the chance to once again reject you. And not only him reject you, but his wife too.

You have a different life now. You have your own family. Don't ruin it for something that will almost certainly not pan out like you imagine it will.

And do think about counselling. This is not normal. Fleeting thoughts of him, maybe. But you admit this is something you have been thinking about for a while. Doing this will not give you the freedom you think. It will simply drag you into a messy situation where you will come out the least favourable.

Leave him to the universe.

OMG yeah! A.S. is an eye opener! The OP is obsessed and has never got over this man! It was a 12 week fling, 6 years ago, and she was posting about it in 2018 when it happened. And she is still utterly obsessed!

As many posters have said @Anon31483 Get help. Your level of obsession over this man is unhealthy, and very weird, and actually quite dangerous. You're clearly extremely angry and bitter and you need some counselling.

In your original thread you also said you want to tell her because you think what happened to you was very unfair.

So you're not telling her because you think she deserves to know. You want to tell her purely for revenge. Not a good look @Anon31483 .

She already knows. I'd bet my house on it. You figured him out in a few weeks. Why do you think you had more of an insight than the person who lives 24/7 with him?

Oh my goodness.

You wrote about this 6 years ago here , asking the same question, and referred to his 'leverage' (meaning he had a back-up ) if you and him went wrong. That's not what leverage means but anyway.....

You found this out on Twitter where his cousin mentioned the baby on the way. But then it was brushed aside as a joke and you said you didn't even know if there was a baby after all.

And you were angry with him because he lied also about his star sign. WTF?

So even 3 months in, you thought you and him were 'it' and his wife was his back up incase it didn't work out between you.

And 6 years on you're still stuck.

And that's not even mentioning that 3 years later you were asking if it was okay to spy on a new guy were you were dating, from behind a bush outside his house.

Is this the man you're with now and have a child with?