To feel unsupported and misunderstood by work

OP, I’m so sorry this has been your experience and that you’ve been struggling with this. Working unpaid overtime certainly isn’t the actions of someone who doesn’t care, it’s quite the opposite! Someone bringing up whether the job is right for you, is usually a sign that they aren’t confident in your current performance. If your employment is under two years you sadly don’t have many rights legally e.g. you don’t necessarily have the right to a verbal, written warning or have the option of a performance improvement plan from your employer. I would just check your contract and see if you have a PILON clause (Payment in Lieu of Notice) which allows them to just end your employment contract without notice and in return they’ll pay you a sum of money (it’s usually a couple of weeks). If they won’t agree to your suggested training plan I’d expect that they aren’t willing to put more resources into your development and that they are expecting you to be able to do the job without any enhanced training. If you don’t meet these expectations I imagine they’ll serve notice before the end of your probation or activate the PILON clause if you’re out of probation (and if you have one). So my only advice is look after yourself, protect yourself and put yourself first. Read the room and if you need to start looking for something else then please do. You sound like a really dedicated and loyal employee, so I really hope things improve for you.

You wouldn't suggest somebody with a leg injury worked on their feet all day for the time being!

I’ll use that analogy to explain my thoughts.

1. I’ve never done a standing job before. There’s nothing wrong with my ankle, but I’m not fit and used to standing on it. If you let me have 2 weeks of doing more of other people’s sitting down tasks, I’ll have a chance to build up the strength and it’s all sorted
2. I actually have a long term medical issue with weak joints, but given time for physio, I’ll be fine in 3 months
3. I don’t have an ankle, I do have a go at standing, but I keep falling over, and have a week of sitting down is not going to grow me a new ankle

You’re describing it like you’re #1, but it’s coming across like it’s #3. And if it is, you need to either be looking for entirely different reasonable adjustments, or accepting that the job isn’t a fit for you.

This is a good summary of the situation. Sadly, it just underlines the OP's unsuitability for the post.

Even after all of the efforts and extra hours that the OP has invested, as well as the help that her employer has offered, she still doesn't know what she needs to know and the job is proving incredibly stressful for her.

If I were the employer in this situation, bearing in mind that there is no open suggestion of possible neurodiversity, I would have zero confidence that a few extra hours of admin would fix the problem.

The stress and tiredness associated with the additional hours are a direct result of her unsuitability for the role, and not the cause of it - she is only having to invest that extra time because she is struggling.

If she really believes that autism may be a factor, then her best bet would be to share this information with her employer in the hope that they might investigate further adjustments that could be made, but doggedly clinging to a suggested amendment to her duties that her employer has already said won't work for them is not going to help her.

Because for two weeks, on top of the days you’ve already had, they are having to do more than their fair share. They receive no benefit to this.

They already have a fair expectation that everyone should be able to pull their weight, especially after six months in the role. Your plan benefits you and you alone.

I haven’t said anything about selfish, you are projecting that.

The problems I can see is firstly, if I was your employer, I would be concerned that having done two weeks of less phones/more admin you would be in exactly the same position. There's nothing you have written except your own conviction that says to me that two weeks doing more admin will mean you are not making mistakes/getting stressed on the phone.
I can see you believe that, I think you desperately want it to be true, but I suspect in two weeks' time you'll be saying either "oh it works so well for me and no one minds" or "give me another two weeks."

Secondly, if you are right at the phone part is more stressful, and the admin is more relaxing, I'm burning out the rest of the team. And if they're not burning out, they may be getting resentful, which is bad for morale.
I mean, I have a job and there's parts I love and parts I do because they need to be done. If the parts I love were removed, even temporarily, it would make me question the job being for me. As above I would also have the nervous feeling that having agreed to it for two weeks, it would become another two week, and then another month and before you know it, that's a permanent thing.

But the thing that stands out for me is that you seem to think it's going to be better for them for you to stay, even if they have to support you.
The thing is, that actually it isn't, unless they won't be able to get anyone else in for your job, because they would hope that they'll get someone who doesn't need extra support.

Op
I don't want be unkind here but as a manager I think the likelihood of you being kept on after your probation is vanishingly small. It would be lovely if businesses could be kind and accommodating but the reality is they simply want someone who can do the job without any drama.
It's totally clear that you have tried your absolute best and you've nothing to feel bad about. This role simply isn't for you. Focus your energy now on doing interviews and applying for other admin based jobs and hopefully you'll have something lined up up by the time this role ends

But do you think you are suitable for the job? The actual job that is stressful?

Yet her work just want to do more of the same?

What I understood from what OP has said is due to not being completely up to speed she is spending about 2 extra hours at work so she is able to keep on top of her work load and also doing some extra admin to help her learn. She is then spending her evenings and weekends revising.

However, she is finding this routine very stressful and tiring and due to that she is not being able to retain the information. One consequence of this stress was the meltdown at work. She also wonders if autism could be at play.

She has suggested that if she could have a week or 2 where her stress and tiredness could be reduced she would be able to retain what she needs to in order to work to the best of her ability.

So during that 20 hours off the phones (2 hrs x 10 days) , what would you specifically be doing differently, to what you have done in your own time, during the last six months?
If it sounds like you will be doing more of the same, you can see why your work would not support it

The point is, OP, your company isn't willing to agree to this. They may have very good reason for that, or they may not. It doesn't matter what anyone on MN thinks because they don't want to follow that particular suggestion so it's dead in the water. Time to come up with a Plan B. What else can you do to get up to speed so that you can demonstrate your competence by the end of your probation period. How can you turn this around?

Which should be a very clear sign that you need to find a different job.

Fair enough - maybe, maybe not. But from the sounds of it she's got a month left before they'll decide to sack her or extend probation. What have they got to lose by trying her suggestion? She's clearly not managing the calls workload at the moment. So they try her way and it doesn't work they've lost nothing. They don't try her suggestion and she gets pushed over the edge again and has another meltdown = possible effect on team morale/customer confidence. Or they try her way it helps - positive for everyone. Or they get a meeting with OH set up and see if they have any suggestions. I just don't understand the idea of doing nothing.

You’ve been devoting this amount of time in the evenings and weekends, though, and it’s made no difference?

If you read my posts properly too you would see I am not redefining my role but for the millionth time suggesting a short term measure to help everyone long term.

I can read, op, and your suggestion does not "help everyone." It just doesn't, and you repeating yourself a million times won't change that. Your plan will actually make your teammates jobs more stressful for them.

But I really don't understand why so many of you seem to think a week or two of me doing something that would help everyone long term is so detrimental and selfish to everyone.

But none of us can see how this helps everyone. It may help you but it doesn't help your team. Say everybody has 7 hours of stressful calls and 1 hour of less stressful admin a day. You doing the admin for them now means that they have 8 hours of stressful calls to make. They do not get extra time to themselves, they do not get an hour of peace to work on admin, instead they get more time doing the bits that nobody, especially you likes. This has been pointed out to you several times but you either don't see it, or you're not explaining it very well to us

It’s because you’re missing the point that it doesn’t help everyone long term. It helps you long term by making other peoples work harder in the short term and that has no benefit to them.

You are refusing to acknowledge that your plan is detrimental to your colleagues and continue to insist that it would be for everyone’s benefit.

NRTFT

I worked in call centres for 20 years

It's shite

The best thing I EVER did was apply for jobs outside of that - local council, NHS, etc

Kindly OP, if you aren't suited to speaking to people, get the fuck out while you still have a life

Getting out was the best thing I ever did

Because they are probably waiting for a scheduled probation meeting.

We don't know what the "meltdown" looked like or how it was interpreted by her employer, what triggered it etc. She was back at work the next day, so no obvious signs of mental illness, and we know that the OP hasn't wanted to mention potential neurodiversity. For all we know, the OP may have just got upset in response to negative feedback and walked out. Not all stress responses need to be pathologised and not all displays of emotion in the workplace warrant an expensive occ health referral.

Who is saying you're a "bad person?" You really seem unable to accept that this role isn't suited for you. Why? It's not a character flaw, op.

She had a few days less pressure after she'd had a meltdown at work. That sounds fair to me. That is separate to OP suggesting how she can improve with the job.

But OP is saying she is so stressed because of all the extra work she has been doing. She has suggested something to enable her to embed the training.

I'm making up nothing. They have not tried her suggestion. They have had her there 6 months and she is still struggling. So what they've tried hasn't helped.

But talking up making up things - so many people saying OP has said she permanently wants to not do phone calls and she was off sick so she could go to a GP appointment etc.

If someone is having a meltdown at work, that job is no good for their wellbeing and they should leave.