Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel unsupported and misunderstood by work

238 replies

sajamor0811 · 18/05/2024 10:31

I've been struggling with my job for a while and a couple of weeks ago had a meltdown which resulted in me needing the rest of the day off. I had booked a doctor's appointment for stress the following week, during which three tricky anniversaries were coming up too.

I was back the next day and in the meantime had suggested doing admin only or having a week to revise procedures so I'd feel more confident. I was put on more admin and less phone work so can't say no accommodation at all was made.

I also wouldn't say the section leader I had a meeting with was totally unsupportive or not a nice person. But her emphasis of how the job was high pressure, was I suited to it and how more would get expected of me made me feel under more stress.

In fairness she did say she didn't want people working out of hours as I had been to stay on top of my workload and practise/revise procedures. Yet when I don't get time to do that in the working day what else can I do?

The following week I was then put back on the phones as much as before with no check of whether I felt ready for it or not. Nobody checked in on me to see how I was coping at any point or how the doctor's appointment went. I was on the whole enjoying the job and feeling more confident but isn't that by the by?

Then I had a review yesterday where it was said I'm still making too many mistakes. I again said it might be an idea for me to have time off the phones and revise. The attitude that got taken was it's a business where people have to be on the phones and I've been given help with procedures.

I don't dispute the latter but can't help thinking if I had time to concentrate on revising them without other pressures or distractions they'd go in better. Then when I said I'd spend the weekend genning up I was told to do that if it helped. Yet it's flying in the face of the "don't work in your free time" I was given. I just feel so confused.

I am filling in a form for an autism test as I wonder whether struggling to retain information is part of that. But I'm reluctant to say anything in case it looks like card playing for more probation time.

OP posts:
LordSnot · 18/05/2024 23:13

You were also pushed to the edge at work. Maybe the problem isn't everybody else.

Original poster
sajamor0811 · 18/05/2024 23:07

@LordSnot I have been pushed over the edge here by constant abuse and misrepresentation; I have tried my level best at work to be as reasonable and accommodating as possible there as I'm sick of explaining here!

OP posts:
DoreenonTill8 · 18/05/2024 23:06

TeaandScandal · 18/05/2024 22:59

Right, I’m out…
Good luck to you, op. You’re going to need it.

Ditto!

LordSnot · 18/05/2024 23:03

You're being really out of order OP. If you talk to people like this at work, it'll be a big part of the reason they aren't going out of their way to help you succeed.

TeaandScandal · 18/05/2024 22:59

Right, I’m out…
Good luck to you, op. You’re going to need it.

Original poster
sajamor0811 · 18/05/2024 22:59

@DoreenonTill8 You've not been much better, either, distorting my words and refusing to listen to them!

OP posts:
DoreenonTill8 · 18/05/2024 22:57

sajamor0811 · 18/05/2024 22:52

You're not listening and you're also one of the worst culprits for bullying me here. If you behave like this in your own workplace to your own colleagues I hope you're soon sacked!

How on earth is @TeaandScandal bullying you?? If you're this irrational at work then I can't see things changing.

Pricedoutpenny · 18/05/2024 22:57

@Quiteavibe can you tell me where you see these jobs please? I'm looking myself for something lowish stress and working from home

Original poster
sajamor0811 · 18/05/2024 22:55

You have been a bully - you've basically taken out of context what I've said and used it as a derogatory cosh on me! I have not said I don't want to do any part of the job but just 1 hour a day more of one aspect!

OP posts:
DoreenonTill8 · 18/05/2024 22:55

You're not being 'ripped to pieces' people are are just not agreeing with your want to not do a significant part of your job. And that you not doing your job is of benefit to your colleagues.

TeaandScandal · 18/05/2024 22:53

Excuse me?!

Original poster
sajamor0811 · 18/05/2024 22:52

You're not listening and you're also one of the worst culprits for bullying me here. If you behave like this in your own workplace to your own colleagues I hope you're soon sacked!

OP posts:
TeaandScandal · 18/05/2024 22:50

You’re just not listening, op.
I can quite imagine how frustrating working with you must be.

Original poster
sajamor0811 · 18/05/2024 22:47

I have at no point said I want anybody doing my job for me. I have just suggested an extremely short term measure which would help embed things better and enable me to do them equally to other people the same as them long term. I'm sick of how little understanding there seems to be from a lot of you about my words, my intentions, my situation or for that matter my basic rights on how to be treated. This forum is feeling more and more like a lion's den with me being ripped to pieces!

OP posts:
Anonymous2025 · 18/05/2024 22:47

Can you take time off ? Do you get full pay ? It seems to me you might need time to consider your options away from the stress . I can kid of understand where they are coming from as they might feel you can’t do the job and are wondering if it will be along term issue . this being said it’s no way of dealing with a team member imo . I value all my team members and if they have an issue I will always do my best to help .

Aquamarine1029 · 18/05/2024 22:41

AfraidToRun · 18/05/2024 22:09

People are being a bit cruel on this thread, my team is similar, there are employees who prefer phones less admin and vice versa. We each play to our strengths and the job gets done. We have had people temp step away from some aspects due to their personal circumstances. We all just get in with it.

That may work for your employer, it absolutely would not work for most or many. You are hired knowing you have to perform at a certain level and what is expected of you in your new role. If you aren't able to manage this after six months, it isn't the job for you, and telling someone that is not being cruel.

buffyslayer · 18/05/2024 22:35

AfraidToRun · 18/05/2024 22:09

People are being a bit cruel on this thread, my team is similar, there are employees who prefer phones less admin and vice versa. We each play to our strengths and the job gets done. We have had people temp step away from some aspects due to their personal circumstances. We all just get in with it.

It depends on the job though

My job is phone based. Everyone wants email time but 95% of our job is phone time
They can't even put us on emails if we have no voice so it wouldn't be an option as my job is to take phone calls and the emails are just a side thing

TeaandScandal · 18/05/2024 22:26

Or indeed, fairly.

TeaandScandal · 18/05/2024 22:25

AfraidToRun · 18/05/2024 22:09

People are being a bit cruel on this thread, my team is similar, there are employees who prefer phones less admin and vice versa. We each play to our strengths and the job gets done. We have had people temp step away from some aspects due to their personal circumstances. We all just get in with it.

It sounds quite chaotic, tbh. I don’t know how this could work efficiently long term.

DoreenonTill8 · 18/05/2024 22:21

AfraidToRun · 18/05/2024 22:09

People are being a bit cruel on this thread, my team is similar, there are employees who prefer phones less admin and vice versa. We each play to our strengths and the job gets done. We have had people temp step away from some aspects due to their personal circumstances. We all just get in with it.

What if there's a task no-one wants to do?

AfraidToRun · 18/05/2024 22:09

People are being a bit cruel on this thread, my team is similar, there are employees who prefer phones less admin and vice versa. We each play to our strengths and the job gets done. We have had people temp step away from some aspects due to their personal circumstances. We all just get in with it.

TeaandScandal · 18/05/2024 22:02

DoreenonTill8 · 18/05/2024 22:01

How is other people doing your job helping them? Or accommodating them?

Show quote history

It’s baffling the way op continues to insist that these proposed changes benefit everyone equally.

DoreenonTill8 · 18/05/2024 22:01

sajamor0811 · 18/05/2024 21:06

Aquamarine1029 If you read my posts properly too you would see I am not redefining my role but for the millionth time suggesting a short term measure to help everyone long term. It's an accommodation for everyone, not just indulgence of me and if something is necessary from a health viewpoint, it's necessary. You wouldn't suggest somebody with a leg injury worked on their feet all day for the time being!

How is other people doing your job helping them? Or accommodating them?

Medschoolmum · 18/05/2024 21:56

OP, I think you may need to look at this in a different way. It isn't good for you to stay in a job that doesn't suit you. It will cause you untold stress and anxiety if you keep trying to squeeze yourself as a square peg into a round whole.

We all have strengths and weaknesses. There are loads of jobs that I could never do, and that doesn't make be inadequate, it just means that my talents are better used elsewhere. You clearly have a strong work ethic and there will no doubt be things that you're really good at. Rather than flogging a dead horse, take this as a valuable learning opportunity that can help you to better identify the kind of work that will make you thrive. If this job isn't right for you, what kind of role would suit you?

You will be much better off in the long term doing something that actually suits you well. I wish you all the best.

Testina · 18/05/2024 21:55

just a bit more admin based by an hour or two each day for just a week or two

That’s a range from 5 hours to 20 though!
I really think you need to be targeted and realistic about what you need to succeed in the role. If you say that line, it won’t inspire confidence that it’s going to make a difference.

If you really only needed an hour a day for a week, you have time for that - and in my opinion, that’s worth unpaid time to do, though I know some would disagree.

Think about what’s really going to make a difference. A mentor? 1:1 with your manager weekly to review the tasks to build confidence? A different training approach? (e.g. if you’re just reading them and that doesn’t stick, is there a super user that could go through them with you?) It’s hard to make suggestions not knowing what you’re trying to learn…

Or a different approach… is the material fine but you don’t actual have study skills that work for you? I mean like if you’re reading the same thing over and over and it doesn’t stick, it may be that you need more active learning - flash cards, look-cover-write, tests etc. no-one is born knowing how to revise and we’re all different. So it might be that you don’t need 20 hours of reading, but 5 hours of a friend asking you, “explain how you would answer xyz”

Swipe left for the next trending thread