To feel unsupported and misunderstood by work

If it is working as a doctor's receptionist it's quite a hard job, I know someone a bit older who took it on and she struggled and eventually left, but started renting out a room in her house to earn money, this worked much better. Not everyone is suited to every job.

It is frustrating as I do lose my voice occasionally! I average 120 calls a day and by Fridays I'm usually pretty croaky despite loads of warm drinks and water

It would be the same where I work if that helps. We just have to manage without because there’s no work to do that doesn’t involve speaking.

My mum works in a factory and couldn’t go in and stand up all day with a broken leg. I’ve always seen it the same way. Somethings make you literally incapable of doing the job.

Exactly this. Between the ongoing issues and the attitude, there's no way.

@Riversideandrelax there isn't really any other work
By emails there could be 5-10 in the whole day between the team and that's it. I think the most I have seen is 20, and each email is a 5 min job
There's no other admin, purely phone work

That's strange they'd rather people be off sick than doing some kind of work.

You say there's been a "pile on" then immediately write exactly what nearly everyone else has been trying to get through to the op. We have genuinely been trying to help her and encourage her to find a job which she'll be a great fit for, that there is absolutely no shame in not being suited for certain roles. We have tried. She is not listening.

@sajamor0811 I haven’t RTFT but I’ve read your posts and it sounds like there’s been a bit of a pile on.

From what it sounds like, you are struggling at work because this job doesn’t play to your strengths. Revising processes for an hour or two is not going to help if you haven’t picked them up after nearly six months of on the job training and experience.

It’s OK that this job isn’t for you. It might help to read back your posts. You say repeatedly that you want short term accommodations to help you learn the role, but you should be well on the way to being good at the job by now. You shouldn’t be having a meltdown and seeing your doctor for work related stress while you are on probation. That’s a big red flag for an employer; it’s equivalent to you telling them you cannot reliably cope with the demands of your role. So there are performance and capability grounds to consider at your end-of-probation review. I would be expecting the probation period to be extended or possibly even let go.

In your shoes I would be making plans to find another role.

I think you are on shaky ground wishing the sack on someone else. Telling the truth to someone who has asked for it, isn't bullying. Even if you don't like what they are saying.

Employers won't and don't have to invest support and effort into a failing (and it would seem from this post, rather unpleasant) employee who hasn't completed their probation. They are legally entitled to sack you and they don't even have to give a reason, as long as there is no discrimination involved in their decision.

Failing to competently do your job during your probation period is a perfectly valid reason to dismiss you. From what you have told us, your employer doesn't think you are worth the extra effort to help you improve.

Seeing the sense of sense of entitlement and belief in your posts that it is your employer's job to mollycoddle you and make your life easy, I'm not surprised that they don't value you.

My hunch is that the person more likely to get the sack is you.

I don't think OP is coming back.

On the off chance she reads this, I think she needs to find a different job. Short of getting diagnosed and then getting OH involved, there's not much more that her employer can do. She's had six months and has had advice already.

Usually when someone is on probation there is a final probationary meeting at which you will get the opportunity to reflect and talk about your first few months in the job. Again, usually, a decision is made by your line manager whether you have passed the probationary period or not. If not then often probation is extended and if you require more training or a repeat of training that is arranged. So if this scenario arises there is your opportunity to have time to revisit the procedures you talk about. I think the reason that you are being given quite a hard time or think that you are is that you aren't quite getting the support that you would like. But the thing is that workplaces have policies and procedures that have to be followed and you may find it useful to follow those, so if you want a variation in your working pattern ask for it as per the relevant policy. If you feel that someone in your workplace treated you badly follow the policy and procedure: discipline and grievance, if you feel too unwell to go to work look at the sickness policy. Do it by the book.

I'm certain you posted about this six months ago and you were told then that the job wasn't working for you.

I'm not sure what else you expect people to say at this point.

Thank you. I missed that.

I apologise. I missed her post about her age.

That makes it even more difficult sadly.

The op did give her age. She's nearly 50.

Aquamarine1029

The OP did not say her age which I suspect is much younger.

You are quoting another poster who gave very good advice to the OP based on her own experiences.

The op is nearly 50

I suspect your problem will resolve itself in a few weeks.

You are not competent to do the job your employer is paying you for.

You expect your employer to remove the part of your job you find too difficult and replace it with easier tasks (to the detriment of your competent colleagues).

You have a "meltdown" in the workplace. I don't know what you mean by that, but I doubt it made your manager and colleagues warm to you.

If, in addition to the above you call people who tell you the truth in real life "bullies" you would not meet the criteria for "valuable employee" for most managers.

In fact, if I was your manager you would be out of the door before you could say "Failed probation".

@OutOfTea that’s such a good explanation of how things are perceived when you are Autistic, I can imagine my son taking both those situations as ‘lies’.

Icehockeyflowers

MysteriousKor

Thanks. I would also add that I'm nearly 50 and only now feel settled in a job in a work place where I feel positive about it.

My anxiety around work is less and I can manage it. I'm permanently exhausted from the overwhelm and extra time it takes but it's worth it to me.

I also only really have the insight I have because I've had friends who have found it harder and expected more concessions from work when I've thought about how their expectations would impact me and how they would make my work life harder and not easier, I've been able to see it.

I suspect the OP doesn't have that insight yet. So I'm also assuming she's 20s/30s which, in autistic terms (because I strongly suspect she is even though she hasn't yet been assessed) is still 'young'.

I hope she comes back and can see that it isn't people having a go at her but trying to present a different perspective. Which, when you're autistic, can often feel like the same thing.

As a non work example from this morning. My partner has gone to a car boot sale with his daughter. He told me which one they were going to. He's just messaged and they went to a different one instead. My initial reaction was anxiety because he 'lied' to me and it had changed. It wasn't what I was expecting to hear.

Once I'd talked to myself, I realised they've just changed their minds! 🤣

But there was a time when that would have bothered and unsettled me all day. I still don't feel 'comfortable' with it but I know it's not a problem.

I lost an autistic friend once because I said I was probably staying in on a Friday night but then went out and he told me I wasnt the person he thought I was because I'd lied to him.

My point is, it's easy to get frustrated by autistic people when they are saying things like the OP is, but it takes a long time and a lot of support to be able to see it the way others do. Or to at least understand that your way isn't necessarily the right one for everyone.

Good post, @OutOfTea. OP, lots of us have colleagues who have adjustments in place to allow them to do their jobs with disabilities, but the bottom line is that they are able to do their job. I have a colleague with a serious progressive condition, for instance. He has been able to do his job until now, with adaptations and adjustments, but there will at some point in the future be a time when he will no longer be able to, because the illness compromises his speech.

I have a three people working for my company, two of whose are disabled and have adaptations to be able to to the job, I invested what was needed and always will.

The one thing that can't be compromised on, they have to be able to do the job required. Colleagues probably don't want their admin taking away, variety in the day helps.

OP OutOfTea has taken the time to write a detailed yet empathetic explanation of expectations from both your employers and colleagues viewpoints. I really hope you take the time to read and re-read her excellent post. It will help reset your mindset and hopefully clarify that this is not a failing on your part, it is simply not the right role for you.

So yes, employees should be treated with respect and sympathy. But sometimes they ask for things that managers aren’t willing to give them because of how it would affect other staff.

Yes. I've already said that I have reasonable adjustments at work through asd. These enable me to do my job. My son has reasonable adjustments at work to help him do his job for dyspraxia but none of these adjustments impact on our colleagues in any way whatsoever. They are measures put in place for us. The expectations of both of us are the same as they are of anyone else.

There are no concessions.

I have tried my level best at work to be as reasonable and accommodating as possible there as I'm sick of explaining here!

The team has benefitted in that I've been able to complete a workload/do extra and not had to pass things on to them

What the OP is finding it difficult to understand (and I have seen this is some other friends with asd) is that what she is currently suggesting benefits her but not her colleagues even though she keeps insisting that it does.

What would benefit her colleagues is working alongside someone who can do the job. She has already explained what her employer has done to support her but there is a limit to that and, at some point, she will just be told she cannot do the job.

OP, you keep saying that you have done overtime, which you have not demanded payment for. Unpaid overtime to complete tasks that everyone else completed during their work hours is not overtime. Overtime is paid when additional work has to be done and determined by your employer. It's not paid because you couldn't do the work in the tike allocated to everyone and which everyone else completed.

That's just you fulfilling the obligations of your contract to get the standard work done. It's not a favour to your colleagues that they didn't have to complete it instead because it was never their work to do.

My job does require a fair bit of unpaid overtime. It's the nature of it. I do more than many other people because it takes me longer to complete certain tasks and I need more time mentally to be able to switch from one aspect of it to another and because I'm at risk of burnout. I just accept this. My employer won't take some of these additional tasks from me because it's a requirement of the job.

Like I say, the expectations of me to perform are no different to anyone else. There are some things my employer can do to make certain aspects more accessible to me. And they do. But ultimately, I have to get my job done. And none of these impact in my colleagues in any way. They aren't even aware of them.

People pointing these things put are not people bullying you. It is people explaining how things are. I understand it doesn't make sense to you. It didn't make sense to my friend who has complained about every employer over the past few years - brought in unions, sought mediation etc in every job. She also didn't understand why they couldn't just be kind and nice and see how her suggestions would benefit everyone. But they wouldn't have done. They would only have benefitted others if they saw work through her lens and they didn't.

In the end, it just made her very unpopular in every workplace. People started avoiding her and she became isolated at work. It wasn't bullying by social exclusion (which she also claimed) it was people giving her a wide berth because she was problematic, kept complaining about them for spurious reasons and made their jobs harder.

@sajamor0811 this sounds like you work as a receptionist in a GP surgery? Can be very stressful with continuous calls so most practices have staff on phones for limited time then picking up admin tasks to give them a break. There are lots of procedures to follow so it can be overwhelming at first.

Some people are just not suited to it.