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Original poster

Mil and dh : dirty old woman pic

133 replies

Isthisweird1 · 17/05/2024 21:34

I have two dds but I can't imagine talking to a son like this and I certainly can't imagine my dm talking to my db like this....

So.. A few things a while ago over time.

I saw a pic of young teenage dh on the sofa and mil crawling towards him. On back she had wrote " dirty old woman".

Then one day we went round and before she realised I was there she draped her arms around his neck like a lover and complained of the heat ".

A family friend once said she told them, having a nice husband wasn't necessary if you had a son.

But she never complements him and puts him down which is strange?

OP posts:
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Sugargliderwombat · 18/05/2024 11:51

She sounds very gross to me

GoodAfternoonGoodEveningAndGoodnight · 18/05/2024 11:41

Isthisweird1 · 17/05/2024 21:34

I have two dds but I can't imagine talking to a son like this and I certainly can't imagine my dm talking to my db like this....

So.. A few things a while ago over time.

I saw a pic of young teenage dh on the sofa and mil crawling towards him. On back she had wrote " dirty old woman".

Then one day we went round and before she realised I was there she draped her arms around his neck like a lover and complained of the heat ".

A family friend once said she told them, having a nice husband wasn't necessary if you had a son.

But she never complements him and puts him down which is strange?

Yeah, I've two teenage sons and that's weird!

A family friend once said she told them, having a nice husband wasn't necessary if you had a son

And that's a weird ewww thing to say too.
Your husband isn't the same as your son, they're two totally different dynamics and relationships; so yeah in short she sounds - weird 😁

DontforgetyourSPF · 18/05/2024 11:34

Isthisweird1 · 18/05/2024 10:59

Definitely not coming from him.

why are you talking to anons on the web rather than him?

Original poster
Isthisweird1 · 18/05/2024 10:59

Definitely not coming from him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Isthisweird1 · 18/05/2024 10:56

And usually you step in to the hug and you step out immediately.

OP posts:
Original poster
Isthisweird1 · 18/05/2024 10:56

@IcecreamWhatSandwich

In my family, the "huggers" and other friends that hug, greet you in a more short way... Quick greeting hug, smiley hello, how are you etc.

This was longer and more than drawn out, gazing into his face.. Hello, it's so hot " leaving arms drapped over his shoulders.

Is this that hard to grasp or imagine?

OP posts:
Choochoo21 · 18/05/2024 10:52

She was just hugging him??

The only difference is her arms were around his neck and not his waist.

I don’t come from a touchy feely family but I know many families who kiss and hug all of the time.

Sometimes I think it’s too much but I know they think I’m odd for not hugging my family.

You say she puts him down etc so it’s not like she’s all over him and complimenting him all of the time.

This sounds like an issue that is all in your head.

IcecreamWhatSandwich · 18/05/2024 10:36

What's the difference between "draping your arms round someone" and hugging them?

Mirabai · 18/05/2024 10:32

DontforgetyourSPF · 18/05/2024 10:25

Some parents don’t respect the boundaries they should. There’s a Sons & Lovers, Gertrude-Hamlet vibe. And it may be intentional acts of possessiveness in front of you.

@Mirabai You've forgotten the Greek tragedies.

Does your H have an Oedipus complex @Isthisweird1 ?

I hadn’t. Jocasta had already been mentioned.

Just because his mother has poor boundaries doesn’t mean it’s coming from him - re Oedipus.

DontforgetyourSPF · 18/05/2024 10:25

Some parents don’t respect the boundaries they should. There’s a Sons & Lovers, Gertrude-Hamlet vibe. And it may be intentional acts of possessiveness in front of you.

@Mirabai You've forgotten the Greek tragedies.

Does your H have an Oedipus complex @Isthisweird1 ?

DyslexicPoster · 18/05/2024 10:25

Isthisweird1 · 17/05/2024 22:42

  • when she said its hot it was a genuinely hot day.

Maybe she was just stating facts. My son who is 20 creeps up behind me, wraps his arms around my neck and tells me he loves me. Has done for years. I would astounded if he found me in anyway attractive even if wasn't his mum. Biologically your programed not to fancy your offspring, it's bad for your gene pool. We might seem weird to stiff upper lip types but he is better reaching out for a hug than saying he is down.

DontforgetyourSPF · 18/05/2024 10:23

Fargo79 · 18/05/2024 07:39

No idea why people are being so horrible. Even name calling.

It's very weird to "drape" yourself over your son. I don't know any mothers who would do this in the way you describe so I don't know why people are doing the stupid "well let's hope nobody judges me when I hug my son" thing. You're not describing a normal hug between a parent and adult child. Ditto the way she speaks to him. We all understand that tone of voice conveys meaning possibly even more so than the actual words you use. You're picking up that she is speaking to him in a way that would be more appropriate between lovers, not mother and son.

The photo is just totally bizarre and very troubling. Don't know why people are pretending that "dirty old woman" means anything other than a woman who is lecherous and focuses her sexual intentions on people far younger than her. There is no other meaning of dirty old man/woman. Cannot understand why PP are trying to gaslight you.

You need to speak to your husband and just ask him about all these examples. I don't think there's a way to pussyfoot around it really.

You have no idea how accurate the OP's description of any of this is.

Her tone is very emotional and as others have pointed out, there could be many different interpretations.

I can't see how an adult woman can 'crawl' across a sofa, (it's a photo, not a film for a start) and it's all a bit weird- like the OP's username.

ShadesofPoachedSmoke · 18/05/2024 10:05

notprincehamlet · 18/05/2024 06:02

from another eu country
Norfolk?

Most sensible post on this thread so far Grin

alrightluv · 18/05/2024 10:04

Wonder why she'd write in English? 🤔

Imbusytodaysorry · 18/05/2024 10:04

She what’s to be the number one women in his life and is doing it in the way she thinks a young man / man wants .

no boundaries .

as op said if this was a man ok sofa with teenage girl and had written what the mother has he would be all sorts.
I think the mail is weird and needy and attentions seeking .
Id ask your dh about the picture comment though or mail what she ment .

Id be creeped out by this too

Calliopespa · 18/05/2024 09:56

Willmafrockfit · 18/05/2024 09:39

i agree could be language barrier, lost in translation
anyway i wouldnt mention incest in front of her that would be awkward.

And as well as awkward lobbing a word like that at her is actually very pointed and immature.

And I also agree language barriers can exist even where the speaker is generally fluent. Even on MN there has been a thread raging as to the exact meaning/ offensiveness of adding “ or what“ at the end of a comment and I’m assuming many of the posters are native English speakers. When you also overlay cultural differences - and yes, racist-hunters, they exist in all their glory to enrich cultural heritages and keep us a bit varied and interesting as humans - it could be something a bit lost in translation. For instance the French ( and some other Europeans) don’t get the ick in the same way if you talk about little children being girlfriend and boyfriend. In uk, us, Australia, New Zealand and Canada it is culturally a bit off to imply a gender attraction between children. We like to play it down and desexualise all child interactions to a much greater extent. But that doesn’t mean other cultures have reached a state of inappropriate.

BUT I think you are right to have an eyebrow raised. I would from what you have said.

I think you also need to clarify what you are trying to achieve. Were you posting just for perspective check and will do no more? Or do you worry DH has been impacted in some way and want to explore that with him? Or do you want to expect z change in MIL’s behaviour? The latter I suspect is doomed to failure; but it may be you want to get to the bottom of the dynamic before there are Dcs on the scene.

Willmafrockfit · 18/05/2024 09:55

you will just have to wait for the opportunity

Original poster
Isthisweird1 · 18/05/2024 09:51

@Willmafrockfit

I don't have the photo? They have family photos in albums and some loose and I saw it?

These things didn't all happen on the same day.
I think asking her about it a few months down the line would be odd.

OP posts:
Willmafrockfit · 18/05/2024 09:44

why do you have the photo?
why dont you ask her?

Original poster
Isthisweird1 · 18/05/2024 09:43

She speaks English well and has been here since mid 20s. It was written in English.

OP posts:
Willmafrockfit · 18/05/2024 09:39

i agree could be language barrier, lost in translation
anyway i wouldnt mention incest in front of her that would be awkward.

butterpuffed · 18/05/2024 09:36

Weird thread , worried OP , batshit ML .

MountCaramel · 18/05/2024 09:35

I'd ask her in front of everyone if she understands what the word incest means & watch her reaction.

PrincessOlga · 18/05/2024 09:33

Unless you mention the EU country or maybe generalise, like "south/Mediterranean", "north" or "eastern Europe", it makes it harder to say. It gives me the ick and the boak. If I were you, I would mention it to DH!

SurelySmartie · 18/05/2024 09:28

So what actually are you going to do OP?

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