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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed at friend for ‘fat’ comment?

30 replies

fairymar · 17/05/2024 21:21

Currently in my 3rd trimester of my first pregnancy. I’ve had a pretty tough time due to many complications and as a result I’m a bit emotionally fragile. Hence my AIBU.

It’s lovely hot weather here at the moment and my supposed best friend text me saying ‘how are you enjoying the weather, fatty?’. I of course know I’m not fat but I found it very offensive and upsetting. I replied ‘oh, that’s rude’ but wish I hadn’t replied at all!

This friend had a child a few years ago and was incredibly self conscious and insecure regarding her body image and weight gain so I was shocked she’d make a comment like this, even in jest.

AIBU to be upset by this?

OP posts:
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Hellodollydaydream · 26/07/2024 18:06

first World problems eh🤦‍♂️

yellowsmileyface · 18/05/2024 09:40

fairymar · 17/05/2024 21:41

I think it’s bugged me so much because she has form for putting me and others down and I know that she would be very upset if someone said this to her so why say it to someone else

Show quote history

Sounds like she has a lot of deep seated insecurities herself and makes herself feel better by bringing others down. Doesn't sound like much of a friend!

Jokes like this are fine if you're both close enough and know that you share this sense of humour, but it sounds like you've been friends for a while and she should know you don't find it funny. It sounds like a very purposeful attempt to put you down.

StellaLaBella · 18/05/2024 01:15

Zanatdy · 17/05/2024 23:24

Chill, she didn’t mean to be offensive. Poor choice of word but I’m sure no bad intent was there

Not sure I would be, she sounds quite catty tbh.

Did she respond OP?

Sibs10 · 18/05/2024 01:10

After your update- she either doesn't take on board when you don't find a certain joke very funny, or is doing in on purpose. YANBU.

CorpusInterruptus · 18/05/2024 01:07

Sounds like she’s shit at reading the room. Were you tempted to respond with ‘not too bad, it’s no fun carrying extra baggage in this heat, is it?!’

Sibs10 · 18/05/2024 01:02

When I was pregnant that was a joke I heard most days. I never assumed they meant I was actually fat. I had a fat belly. I think you're worrying too much about it.

StormingNorman · 17/05/2024 23:34

It’s a joke. I would have found it funny.

Zanatdy · 17/05/2024 23:24

Chill, she didn’t mean to be offensive. Poor choice of word but I’m sure no bad intent was there

Disturbia81 · 17/05/2024 22:58

Craftycorvid · 17/05/2024 22:29

I approve of ‘oh, do fuck off’ as the correct response. And for repeat offences, ‘and stay fucked off’.

This.. can't imagine saying this to anyone and I love banter.

Craftycorvid · 17/05/2024 22:29

I approve of ‘oh, do fuck off’ as the correct response. And for repeat offences, ‘and stay fucked off’.

stripes92 · 17/05/2024 22:04

Following your updates, it's clearly out of order.

If I was to receive a message like that from a friend while pregnant I would find it funny though.

Original poster
fairymar · 17/05/2024 21:41

fishonabicycle · 17/05/2024 21:39

If you know you aren't fat, how can it be upsetting? It's a joke, you're hormonal - let it go x

I think it’s bugged me so much because she has form for putting me and others down and I know that she would be very upset if someone said this to her so why say it to someone else

OP posts:
fishonabicycle · 17/05/2024 21:39

If you know you aren't fat, how can it be upsetting? It's a joke, you're hormonal - let it go x

Original poster
fairymar · 17/05/2024 21:37

ZipZapZoom · 17/05/2024 21:35

Depends entirely on the friendship surely?

I've got some friends who would find texts like that amusing and I too would laugh if I received such a message and others who I wouldn't dream of sending it to.

It's all about knowing your audience.

Show quote history

Yes I suppose it is about knowing your audience! I’m definitely not the best of audiences at the moment because of the tough time I’ve been through (which she knows about)

OP posts:
MissUltraViolet · 17/05/2024 21:37

Ok, after the update -

She's a bit of a twat then.

Original poster
fairymar · 17/05/2024 21:35

Sorry if this is a drip feed but we had a falling out a few years ago on holiday as she kept calling me fat (when she knew I was self conscious about my weight at the time).

I think me and the friend are just different people as I wouldn’t dream of commenting on someone’s weight, as a joke or otherwise.

I’ll put it down to my pregnancy hormones this time though!

OP posts:
ZipZapZoom · 17/05/2024 21:35

NinaGeiger · 17/05/2024 21:34

I think it's crazy to text someone saying that. Well done for saying it's rude.

Depends entirely on the friendship surely?

I've got some friends who would find texts like that amusing and I too would laugh if I received such a message and others who I wouldn't dream of sending it to.

It's all about knowing your audience.

MissUltraViolet · 17/05/2024 21:35

I am fat and when I was pregnant I was even fatter and it wouldn't have upset me but I appreciate we are all different.

You know her and the kind of friendship you have, we don't. In saying that I would assume she didn't mean to upset you with the comment, just teasing you a bit and probably assumed you'd laugh and call her cheeky or something.

Stainglasses · 17/05/2024 21:35

I’d take that as affectionate joshing but I have never been over weight so I wouldn’t mind particularly

NinaGeiger · 17/05/2024 21:34

I think it's crazy to text someone saying that. Well done for saying it's rude.

Pippa12 · 17/05/2024 21:33

I’d of laughed my head off, doubt she meant any harm unless there’s a back story, ask for an apology

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 17/05/2024 21:31

She’d have got an “Oh fuck off “ from me.

SherlockHomies · 17/05/2024 21:31

This sort of thing divides opinion. It would've made me laugh but I know not everyone feels the same, so there's no way I'd say it to someone else.

I'm surprised your friend doesn't know you well enough to know it wouldn't make you laugh.

Maddie212 · 17/05/2024 21:30

If you know you're not overweight, then I don't really get why you're offended...? If you were, and she made a joke then of course.

ZipZapZoom · 17/05/2024 21:28

Was it meant for you?

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