Should my 10 year old be preparing his own meals?

This thread….!

OP he’s ten. Of course you do a lot for him.

For sure, getting dressed, tidying his room, sorting cereal out seem reasonable…but who really expects their ten year old to be sorting the family washing, preparing main meals, doing the ironing unless there is no other option?! I’m all for teaching self reliance but some of these lists are Dickensian!

No, he’s 10. If he can’t do anything else, it seems a little ambitious to start him preparing his own meals, don’t you think?

My just turned 11 year old is expected to-
wash and dress herself
sort her own hair out most of the time
get packed for school and trips
keep her room under control
make breakfast and her lunch fairly often
dishwasher and feed our cat when asked

My 9yo does a fair bit.
Clearing and scraping plates. Loading and unloading the dishwasher. Makes her own packed lunch, and toast/snacks.
Cleans her own room. Feeds the cats and is in charge of the litter tray (only way I'd agree to kittens, and she's done really well being responsible)
Does her own bath/shower/hair washing and it better at styling her hair than me.

My DS was making own breakfast and packed lunch by 10. I would remind him to go for a shower because otherwise it would never happen but he did his own hair etc.
At 10 many are able to have household's chores too.
Also my DS is diagnosed ASD.

That could make organizing himself a challenge and potentially doing things like using a knife can be more difficult. I found it really difficult to organize myself as a child and I was constantly berated for it. I also didn’t really learn how to do it until I was an adult - like an old adult. I’m very conscious now of teaching my kids how to do their own stuff in a nice encouraging way.

I start very small with him - let’s lay out your clothes for tomorrow. What do you think you’ll need? Let’s pack for football / that type of thing. I’m still doing lots of the work but at least he’s getting the idea. I was washing him for ages in the shower but always showing him how to do it and then the other day he finally said - I can do this by myself 😓

There is no point comparing him to some of these posters kids. You can only meet him where he is at. My 5 year old could organise the whole house! Some people just take longer.

I'm a single parent and I do fuck all for my kids 😆
I have a 10 year old boy, he makes his packed lunch for school, gets his own uniform ready, is in charge of his bedroom, basically does most things for himself bar make dinner. His standards are way below mine but it doesn't matter, he's doing it and that's what matters.

My 10 year old has picked up a lot more chores recently (in exchange for monthly VBucks 🙄). He keeps his room tidy (or is supposed to!), he makes his own breakfast during the week (this one is his choice), he will sometimes feed the dog, will help sort bins for bin day, puts his clean clothes away, hoovers or dusts if I ask him to, showers, cuts his nails, etc. if he needs extra things for a school sports event he will sort those himself and has recently started helping prepare dinner. He has done it 3 times this week with me guiding/supervising. I asked him on Monday if he wanted to make food with me, he said yes and then asked the following 2 nights if he could do it.

At 10 DS would make his own breakfast and packed lunches.

He'd shower himself but would have to be reminded. He would do his turn emptying the dishwasher.

You do need to get him doing things for himself or he won't cope at senior school.

Blimey you lot are harsh. Putting a wash in, cooking for everyone. At ten he can keep his own room tidy and shower and wash his hair.

My ASD DS is a little younger but doesn't do much by himself yet though can get breakfast. Good thread to remind me that soon he will be 10 and we should be encouraging more independence. Mine loves to be in control and to make plans so think I am going to ask him what he would like to take responsibility for (maybe from list of options) and work with that. Would that work for you?

Bath, hair etc - yes
Get his own clothes in the morning, put them away after washing - yes

No to making his own meals - save for getting breakfast cereal or something

I wouldn’t expect my 15 yo to make her meals unless she was at home on her own

My 10 year old gets himself up in the mornings, gets his own breakfast, showers himself and gets his own uniform or clothes and is ready by 8.15am when we then walk to school together.

Personally I'm happy my 12yo knows how to make 4 dishes alone. I don't make her do it but if I am out walking the dog and she is hungry she knows she can eat something she likes.

I think it's getting a few meals set so they have some options and then they can learn more and do more if they get into it.

So true

It has taken a while, but my 10yo makes his own breakfast, puts snacks in his school bag without being reminded, and can make some simple things like cheese toasties, spaghetti carbonara and cups of tea. He loves to help in the kitchen as long as we can chat/have music on, but during the week there really isn’t time. He can put things in and get things out of the oven.

The next step for us is making him put all the things he needs for sport and clubs in his bag independently.

He has to unload the dishwasher once a week. He fills a jug for the table and lays it about half the time.

He knows how to use the washing machine, and occasionally will bring clothes down (when instructed) and put on a wash. He occasionally unloads the washing machine and hangs things up to dry. He has just started ironing his own school uniform. When clothes are dry, he has to put his own away.

He has to keep his bedroom reasonably tidy, and make the bed and open the curtains every morning.

He will occasionally water the garden etc.

He loves hoovering, but rarely gets the chance.

this thread has been eye opening though and I think it’s confirmed to me that he could be doing more.

No-one on this thread can confirm that for you. You and your son will know best. You’ll need to observe and check- in with your son and see how things go.

my final word on this is : Please don’t assume he can do the things random mumsnet poster says her ten year old can do.

@Bumblebun when you say he struggles with things, what is it about the task that he can't do right now?

I have an ASD 8yo and I think one of the most important things I'm trying to teach him is a growth mindset of "I can't do that ..yet" as he is quite fixed in whether he can do something. So I would say start small, support with eg. a ticklist for the steps for making breakfast and praise his independence when he manages any of the steps.

Definitely start small when he currently does sod all for himself.

My twins are 6 and both have Autism and ADHD.

They: tidy their room, mess they make in the lounge, run their baths, do their hair, dress themselves, make their own breakfast.

All of this is with me present to supervise and support if asked, but they've been doing helping jobs since they were toddler, as it's part of my job as their resident parent to teach them life skills, as well as everything else.

I'm bemused it hasn't occured to you before 10. 🤷🏼‍♀️

That might sound helpful to you and it’s great if it works for that posters kid but it may not for your child.

Everyone’s different and definitely not every ten year old is putting a load on.

If your child is being assessed for autism certain tasks may be a bit more difficult to him as easy as they sound to others.

edit to add: To be clear some autistic kids may be ok with this as everyone is different but autism or not each child is different.

My mum was a single parent and she gave ND me more responsibilities than I’d have liked at that age.

I get she was struggling herself but it was overwhelming at ten .

There’s a balance to be reached between babying kids too long and giving them more than they can handle.

Going slow and checking in with your child frequently should help.

The ability to make simple meals is useful. DS makes toasties and wraps and uses the air fryer to do pizza bagels. He also does cereal etc for breakfast. Basically if I stock the fridge he doesn’t starve.
He can load and unload the dishwasher, puts his dirty clothes in the laundry bin and will help with things like weeding the garden if asked.
He takes care of his own personal hygiene.
He’s 11.

9yo often clears and lays the table, will make a sandwich or toast, tidied his room, feeds the dog if I’m out and will let him out of his crate and sends him out for a pee if he’s awake before me. No payments, that’s just like, he’s happy to do it. Feels about right.