Should my 10 year old be preparing his own meals?

I'd start by him taking care of personal hygiene. Puberty is just around the corner. Ditto keeping his room clean / tidy.

Breakfast I think if you are both having toast then you could do alternate days.

Cooking is something I would get him involved with so cooking together.

From what you’ve said he should be able to pick his own clothes, shower/bath himself, make a bowl of cereal or toast and get himself ready for the day with minimal assistance.

SmilingPollyanna
At that age, my 10 year old could do the family laundry, ironing and gardening. He could prepare three course meals from scratch, feed and walk our 3 dogs and 4 cats before going to school in the morning, and knit his own clothes from fine, sheep’s wool. At the age of 11, he got a part-time job, and was helping pay off a good chunk of the family mortgage. If you don’t start them on the right path early, they’ll grow up lazy and entitled and never amount to much.
😅

At that age (and earlier) he should be doing all his own self care including clothes, preparing things for school / hobbies as needed. He should be doing a share of chores - cooking could be one of these if he’s interested but also could he hoovering etc. he should tidy his own room

Chores - yes.
Helping with meal prep - probably
Making his own meals - nope.

Is this off the back of the thread with the lady saying she’s worried for her 10 yo nephew? The things you list are mostly parental things, I don’t think a 10yo child should run their own bath or make their own way to school or cook, but they can help with making their lunch or help with cooking and do things like make their bed, get out their clothes for the morning and tidy their room. Don’t panic (from someone who started panicking too lol!!)

He should be doing the basics food wise - breakfast, sandwich for lunch when you're at home. It's a good time to get him involved with food prep for meals as well.

Does he do anything like load/empty the dishwasher, clear the table?

He should be tidying his own room/showering himself.

At university, I came across a lot of people who clearly had never lifted a finger at home, and don’t know how to. Later, I lived with others who took no responsibility for the homes we shared.
I see teaching my son to be self-sufficient, and crucially, to not grow up expecting to be waited on hand and foot (by a woman), to be part of my role as a parent. It is partly a generational thing, but I have various older male relatives who simply cannot really cope domestically now the women in their lives have died. It is not great for them.
I have always been honest that no, housework/washing/cooking healthy meals all the time/keeping the house clean is not interesting for me either. However, like with everything, things that need to be done happen first. Without washing, there are no clean clothes etc. If boring jobs are shared, it is better for everyone. We live in a community. It is not purely my role to be a domestic drudge just because I am female.
Like anything, it is an evolving process. I do not expect my child to do everything in the home all the time. I do not consider that from being able to walk, my toddler putting clothes in the washing basket straight away was Dickensian, I believe it is learning to respect the home you live in and others around you. If all these things are second nature from childhood, that will carry on into adulthood. Incremental increases, until hopefully by the time he leaves home he will feel confident in his own abilities.

Each family has their own way of doing things. There is no one right way. This is working for us so far though.

I do all those things for my 24 yo

My toddler helps with laundry by bringing me washing from the basket to the machine, putting items in the dryer and bringing me items to hang up; and puts dirty item in laundry basket when asked. I know it might not last, but I'm starting small and early.

5, 7, 9 and 11 here.

All expected to tidy rooms. They help each other.

All help to clear the table after dinner

All was themselves (5 and 7 year still have some help)

All change themselves.

9 and 11 year old walk to school together if they are ready and other 2 aren't.

11 year old walks home alone.

9 and 11 year old will go to the local shop if needed. (We live next door)

7, 9 and 11 year old can make some simple snacks/sandwiches/ mug cakes

They do their own homework unless ask for help. ( I remind them once)

My DSes (10 and 12) both have ADHD. They dont have chores as such, just a strong routine which limits how much extra work they create for me.

Coats and shoes and school/sport bags immediately put away. Lunch boxes and water bottles put by the sink.

Dirty clothes sorted into correct laundry box immediately (not dropped on floor).

Clean laundry pile taken to their rooms and put in drawers/wardrobe.

Lay and clear table.

They each bake a cake or biscuits once a week.

Keep their rooms tidy and tidy the living room after playing.

They get washed and dressed with no input from me. This has been from about age 5. It helps that their clothes are always kept tidy so they have no trouble finding anything.

Ad hoc I'll ask them to get the washing in/put away the washing up/put something away for me.

My 10 year old enjoys cooking and will often help me.

They both do their own breakfast and sometimes lunch at the weekend if we're having different things.

However I wouldn't expect much more of a 10 year old. Putting a wash on???

Why is this something hard to manage? My kid is 7 and can put his sports kit straight in the machine every weekend and turn it on. Its literally turning a knob to 40 & pressing "start".

There’s a 5 year old who cleans toilets. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before a three year old who cooks three course meals crops up.

Some of these 10 year olds sound like the kids from The Waltons! I would say the average 10 year old can wash and dress themselves and pack their school bag (though in primary this won't be too onerous). Also help out with simple chores eg laying the table etc. However I wouldn't expect much more of a 10 year old. Putting a wash on??? Hoovering?? At 10? So many students only learn how to do this at university!
I suppose I was spoiled a bit by my parents in that respect when I was a child and it did me no harm...I'm a fully functioning adult. Don't stress OP...

My 7 year old:

• makes his own breakfast (supervised if using the hob to cook porridge or pancakes)
• will sometimes help me make sandwiches or cut salad/fruit.
• is supposed to tidy his room & put his laundry away but does a pretty bad job of it
• helps unload and load the dishwasher
• washes his own hair with bar shampoo in the bath. He can also draw his own bath but is heavy handed with the bubbles.

@Bumblebun don’t panic!

Mine are much older (23, 21 and 17). There is a common misconception that if children don’t start learning chores early on, they will turn into lazy feckless adults. My older two weren’t that interested in cooking when they were younger in spite of me encouraging them. They did bits and pieces, cleared the table, emptied the dishwasher etc. Kept their rooms tidy. Oldest was quite messy as a young teen but in recent years she’s become very tidy!

Middle one has come on leaps and bounds since starting uni. She can now cook a range of healthy meals, clean a bathroom and so on. Long term it really doesn’t matter if they develop these skills at 10 or 20.

They’ve got their whole adult lives ahead for doing chores.

Haha! This thread is classic mumsnet! Someone will be along soon to say their three year old cooks a 3 course meal every Sunday....

Honestly, just start encouraging him to develop his self care skills, keep his room tidyish and maybe lay the table or such like.

All this talk of cooking meals, putting washes on etc is bonkers!

Partly because we’re an ND household, I’ve moved away from the concept of chores and tried to encourage the dc to look and see what needs doing, or join in and help with what’s being done. I’m hoping to cultivate a sense of work as a form of care and companionship. There was a lot of shame and resentment around chores when I was growing up and I don’t want to pass that on.

I teach them skills that they need to know, and they teach me stuff too. But I’m largely letting them follow their interests. Dd started taking a lot of pride in keeping her room tidy at 12, after years of messiness. But I’ve never made a fuss about it, just offered to help, or keep her company and chat while she tidied.

She can cook, and did all of the meals when I had Covid. She cooked more at 10 than she does now at 13, and that’s ok. We get a lovely weekend brunch now and then.

I feel it’s time enough taking on the relentless drudgery when they’re adults. So I’m happy to fill in around them, for now.

9 year old in our home deep cleans his own room every 2 weeks, keeps it tidy generally. Wakes up to alarm, makes bed, makes own breakfast, gets showered, gets dressed. Does own hair, opens blinds, gets water bottle and snack ready for the day. Watches tv and plays with the baby until we are ready to leave.
Unloads dishwasher, lays the table at dinnertime and clears the table afterwards. Makes morning coffee for DH and I at the weekend.
Does chores around the house to earn extra money. Loves the responsibility and choosing what to spend the money on.
None of my child friends do any of this though. I think it depends on the child too.

😂

At that age, my 10 year old could do the family laundry, ironing and gardening. He could prepare three course meals from scratch, feed and walk our 3 dogs and 4 cats before going to school in the morning, and knit his own clothes from fine, sheep’s wool. At the age of 11, he got a part-time job, and was helping pay off a good chunk of the family mortgage. If you don’t start them on the right path early, they’ll grow up lazy and entitled and never amount to much.

A 10-year-old should certainly able to make himself a sandwich, make toast, get himself cereal and, necessary, heat up a tin of beans or something. I wouldn’t expect them to be cooking a family meal though!

I don’t have kids but the sorts of things I used to do at 10 were:

• tidying my own room
• running my own baths
• getting my own clothes ready
• making cups of tea for everyone
• pet care - eg feeding and grooming the dogs, feeding and cleaning out rabbits etc
• setting the table
• ad hoc bits of washing up
• getting myself cereal, a sandwich or occasionally beans on toast

I remember occasionally being asked to help out with a bit of dusting, or wiping down kitchen worktops, maybe?

But I definitely wasn’t cooking main meals for people, doing the ironing or putting loads of washing on!

Mine

• dresses himself, does his own baths/showers, hair
• gets his own breakfast
• feeds and cleans out his pets
• hangs out laundry, sorts laundry, puts washing away
• does the washing up
• goes to the shop for milk/bread

Around that age my son was in charge of his own personal hygiene, but might need reminding about going for a shower.
He also got dressed without help and generally managed his own things.

He emptied the dishwasher, returned all crockery/cutlery he used to the dishwasher when he was done with it.
He made his own breakfast, made things like a sandwich, toasted sandwich, cheese on toast etc.. as snacks or a weekend lunch if that was what he wanted.
A couple of times a month he would cook a dinner with me or make something else like bread, cheesecake, homemade pizza (teaching him how to do it, including learning how to use the oven etc... but completely supervised/helped).

He kept his own bedroom clean, was expected to return any toys/gadgets etc.. he'd left lying around the house to his room before he went to bed, stripped his own bed and chucked the bedding down the stairs for me to wash once a week and put all his laundry in the laundry basket.
Once cleaned by me, he put his own clothes away in his cupboards/drawers.

He also took a bin bag around the house on bin night and emptied the wastepaper baskets into it, then chucked them into the outside bin, along with the bin bag from the kitchen.