Should my 10 year old be preparing his own meals?

Lots of research on this showing that the earlier kids are given chores / responsibilities the better it is for them.

My 12 yo makes her own breakfast and lunch sometimes and sometimes helps make dinner. I still take her to and pick her up from school (this is due to SEN.) I have to help her tidy her room as she can't do it on her own. I get her to lay her school clothes out but she needs prompting, she sorts her out of school clothes. She won't let me do her hair anymore (I used to like that!) I have to wake her up most of the time as she often doesn't wake up to her alarm. She runs her own baths.

She will lay the table for dinner, put her plate in the sink, bring her washing down and help with a bit of cleaning.

But compared to her brother I've really babied her! At that age he would make all his own breakfasts and lunches and cook dinner for us all too. He kept his room tidy and did all his own laundry. I'm pretty sure he would wake to his alarm. He would empty the dishwasher too.

No I wouldn't expect a ten year old to prepare their own meals .He should tidy his own room, and help set the table, comb his own hair and get his things ready for the next day

There is a difference between what the CAN do and what they routinely do. Mine can both mop the kitchen floor, hoover, clean windowsills, do laundry, and 12 year old can cook and bake. They don't do these all the time but they can do it to a decent standard when required. 10 year old doesn't really cook independently but will occasionally ask to make something under supervision.
My son also learned to iron for cubs but I don't know how thorough he is as he doesn't do it regularly.

What they routinely do is clear the table after dinner and wipe it. 10 year old assists with cooking a couple of times a week, grating, stirring, peeling veg. They strip their bedding and wash it on the morning I ask, I will dry it and remake the bed (12 is starting to do hers with me, 10 is quite small and it's not worth teaching til their arms grow!) They put dirty clothes in the basket. They sort clean washing into piles (1 for ironing, 1 for each person) and put their own clean clothes away.

Add into that, kids have different domestic strengths. We have a washer / dryer and my 10 year old has been able to look at the labels of the wet clothes and determine if they can be dried in the machine since he was 3. He wasn't in charge of the family laundry, he was with me, essentially doing a matching activity. His big sister is 12 and still moans if asked to do that job now, says it is too hard! On the other hand 12 can get herself up and ready for school in the morning without help, 10 needs reminding and genuinely forgets to take things without reminders.

I see our job as parents to run a household and raise independent adults. They are all expected to contribute to the home, and to learn skills as they go along. My husband couldn't cook when I met him (18) - he learned pdq because I had no intention of living with someone who couldn't cook. In the age of the Internet they will be able to pick things up but I think it is good for their self esteem to have independence skills. I've Youtubed loads of DIY things but I think it is less daunting if you learn things slowly in a low stakes environment.

My 10 yo:

-wakes up with alarm she has set in the morning
-generally the first one awake so let’s the dogs out and checks they’ve got water
-makes her breakfast - generally cereal or toast
-makes her pack lunch if she’s having one
-will go for a shower if needed usually unprompted (and then dry hair if she’s washed her hair)
-folds and puts away laundry
-occasionally helps prepare a meal
-washes pots if asked

I think, as others have said, he needs to do the basics first!

At 10 bathing washing dressing their selfs yes maybe getting snacks and breakfast but not dinner hes a child your the parent you have to feed him.

😂

Honestly he still young. Can shower or bath himself. Keep his room tidy. Depends if they can reach as well to do stuff I find. Get him helping just generally found the house. He’ll be fine.

No. He's just a kid and will have a lifetime of cooking for himself and other responsibilities.
Definitely get him involved in a couple of other chores though.

No he shouldn’t at 10. My DD started cooking her own meals at 14 out of choice. Her elder brothers happy for me to make meals but they can cook

My 8year old ds makes his own lunches, gets himself up in the morning, gets dressed himself (with encouragement)m showers himself (with supervision) and tidies his room too (when asked)
My ds is able use the microwave and toaster too but I obviously don't let him use the oven, hob or kettle

But does he get a chicken to last the week?

Always room for improvement

My ten year old cooks three course meals for 8 every day. Does all the laundry all the house work and is ambassador to Sweden in his spare time

Sorry, should have read the updates. I'd certainly expect long before 10 to be able to make toast or pour cereal.

I wouldn't make a chores chart because that hardly encourages him to see independence and autonomy in a positive light. You need to frame this as him having more choice and also being old enough to help you sometimes (just make sure his dad helps more).

Point out the various tasks there are. Make a list. Are there any that interest him? Would he like to learn how to make something? If he knew that he could choose from agreed options would he like to make his own packed lunch or lunch for everyone at the weekend? If he was going to look after a pet what would he choose?

My 11 year old has been making her own packed lunch since about 7 when she begged to take one instead of having the free school meals. The deal was she could take one if she made it herself. She really enjoys cooking and cooks us out evening meal around once a week. She's been walking home from school for a couple of years but since august when she was 10 and a half is the last one out the house by around 5/10 mins and locks up and takes herself to school (no longer wanted to go to breakfast club). Don't remember the last time i was involved with her bathing but it's been a good few years. I wash and dry the clothes but she puts hers away and i have no involvement in getting her clothes ready to wear. Don't remember when I last did that either. Selecting clothes is a pretty basic skill. . Her room is a tip though - can't have everything! Out if your list the meals is quite far down in priority though I'd say. I'd start with the basic care and dressing and go from there

Ours are younger (7/9) but similar to others they tidy rooms, put dirty washing in basket & put clean clothes away (we do the actual washing), make own breakfast (cereal/toast/scrambled eggs) & packed lunch, take turns loading and emptying dishwasher & chip in tidying round living areas or in the garden.
I don’t think it’s necessary they do loads but it’s good for them to get an understanding everyone in the house chips in with chores

DS10
showers himself and gets himself dressed.
Makes his own cereal for breakfast
Sorts his own clothes and bags for school and hobbies. Although sometimes ends up shouting that he can't find something amd then I find it on the end of his nose. tidies his own room.
Helps to get his clothes etc out for holiday or camping trips
Empties the dishwasher
Walks to and from school alone which is a mile but only recently has it been regular. He wouldn't have been doing it in winter.
Wil go to the corner shop for me
He will make his own yoghurt, fruit and nuts but still likes me to do it for him

He can make his own packed lunch but it takes him quite a while, usually when I need the kitchen for making dinner so I usually make it
He has made scrambled egg on toast, toast and shortbread with supervision before now.

I think there is an important difference between knowing how to do a chore, being able to do it well when asked and being responsible for doing it regularly. My 10 year old can get the broom out, sweep the floor, empty the dustpan and put it away. I don’t expect her to do this regularly but I do ask her to do it whenever she makes an unusually bad mess on the floor. Similarly she can do a lot of other household tasks but the only ones she is consistently responsible for relate to her own body and appearance, her school and activity stuff and putting her clean clothes away. Everything else is part of pitching in and depends on what else is going on and what else I am doing. For example if I have to do something for her I might ask her to set the table whilst I am doing it.

My 7 year old puts her clothes away, sometimes makes herself a sandwich/other snacks. She also has age appropriate chores in the house and helps in the garden and has always been happy to help. I think feeling useful is a positive thing for children.

I think start with a few simple things and build from there.
Remember you are teaching him life skills .Cooking do together and let him develop his dishes.
I think we do no child any favours by not giving them chores .

10 year old DS is youngest of 3 and I’m sure does more because of that but he does all self care, makes his breakfast, makes his sandwiches, washes up, tidies his room, feeds the cats, empties dishwasher, strips his bed … not all of those every day but we all muck in together / divvy up the tasks between the 5 of us. There isn’t anything he wouldn’t do other than sharp knives or hot ovens now I don’t think.

BUT I get pushback from his older brothers that ‘none of our friends make their own packed lunch’ and how their mums pour their cereal (talking mid teens). So I think it varies!

I’m just a firm believer in 5 of us live here, 5 of us all contribute to chores. I tend to do more of the cleaning and clothes washing though.

Teaching my son to be self sufficient is vitally important to me.
I do not want to bring him up to be like the arsehole husband and partners described so much on this forum.
My MILs life was a misery because of her man child husband until the day she died.

So mine is responsible for a lot of age appropriate activities and yes, can cook. Beans on toast, toasties, home made pizza, eggs and bacon, that kind of thing.
Sorts his own hygiene needs out and picks up after himself.
I think he would get short shrift if he asked me to run a bath for him, that said, he has run a bath for me in the past.
Last weekend I taught him how to mow our lawn.
Gets his own breakfast, makes his packed lunch, gets dressed and scooters to school alone (it’s 10 mi utes from our house)
He can tell the time so can manage his time to be on time too.
I do not want him having expectations of another human at his beck and call ever. He will stand on his own two feet with confidence as an adult.
It’s the long game with long term gain from aged 11 I believe.