To think if you’ve not bothered with the couple in pregnancy, you shouldn’t expect to the see the baby in the first couple of weeks?

Wouldn't you be complaining if they didn't want to see the baby?

Mayne they're not that bothered but being dutiful by offering to come and see you and baby and showing interest - did you think of that?

You seem to have acknowledged yourself that it's different for you now you're then one who is pregnant.

Ah no I get this. I went round to my sister every week while she was pregnant to make sure she was ok and I was pregnant myself with a toddler. Why? Because I love her and pregnancy can be so lonely.

People have no empathy here

Get over yourself. Your baby is not a weapon for playing tit for tat.

Your view is skewed because YOU want the baby so much. You are unreasonable. Mostly because they are not even coming for themselves - other people's babies are just really not that interesting - they are coming as a form of kinship caring.

You don't have to want or accept that.

Equally, don't be surprised at the lack of village of you are annoyed at people being invested in your baby. Once it is really here.

Agree OP. If people aren't close enough to be in touch as normal when you're pregnant I wouldn't prioritise them for a baby visit. Babies aren't a communal happiness resource.

In general I'm getting cynical of the trend of being virtually no contact with extended family but expected to act like you're close on special occasions. What's the point? If you have people you are close to day to day why are you then expected to care about virtual strangers that you happen to share more DNA with than average?

Extended family, auntie/cousins and friends who I’ve not seen in a long time

Are you married, or have you ever been to a wedding?
This is really a part of our culture. There are events where people traditionally come together, including people who aren’t in a daily or even regular lives.

The birth of a baby is one of those culturally and traditionally important events.

Being pregnant is not.

It’s just good manners, again a cultural thing, to make a big deal about “wanting cuddles” or visiting quickly. You’d soon be posting, “baby is 6 weeks old and cousin hasn’t even asked to come round”, I bet.

Some of those politely expressing enthusiasm won’t even care about being the first, or even coming at all. But, culture dictates. You’re being very precious about this.

Not sure why you are getting such a hard time OP.

For someone not to be in touch with you at least once or twice during pregnancy implies you aren’t close so I can see why they wouldn’t be a priority for you to see in those first few weeks which are difficult enough!
Once baby is 3 months or so and a bit more robust, you’ll probably feel more up to it and that is a better time IMO.

Im also convinced people feel like they are sort of obligated in some way to see a new baby - like it’s polite to do so! Really it is perfectly fine to check in with new mum and just leave it open - that you would love to meet little one once they are all settled. Not sure what the obsession with meeting tiny newborns is (outside immediate family)- newborns are vulnerable to infection and don’t benefit from meeting extended family at all anyway.

I get you. My son is 2 People called the first few weeks of his life and they haven't seen my son since! They couldn't care less. And they called and just wanted to hold him not actuslly see Me.

True friends,bring coffee/make coffee. Ask about you,let you have a break!

You get to set your own boundaries in life. If you don't want extended family that you don't see very often turning up in the early days.to see your baby then you can say so.

I found it quite annoying to have various strangers and friends check in on me if I'm honest. It felt repetitive. I felt like I was living the same four or five conversations over and over.

Relatives are excited to meet the baby because it's a relative, rather than because they are close to you. The more people that care about your child, the better. Babies and children in general are a great excuse for bringing more distant families back together.

I hope you're putting the same expectations on all of your DH's relatives too!

Those who say ‘I can’t wait for cuddles, I’m going to be first in the queue,’ but other than saying stuff like that just don’t bother to ask you how you are at all in pregnancy… ugh.

They likely don’t actually mean that though. It’s just something to say.

I doubt you’ll have to beat off a queue off marauding relatives who you rarely see the moment you arrive home from hospital.

Some responses here are insane. Absolutely agree with you OP, if you're not close enough to check in with me, then I will absolutely not be putting myself out to let you into my space when I'm exhausted, bleeding and vulnerable. Babies are not toys to be passed around to every virus-carrying Tom, Dick and Harry who wants a cuddle. If they haven't checked in during pregnancy (or probably before) then the likelihood is they won't be keeping in touch when your baby grows either. And if they are genuinely interested and care about your baby, then they should also care about you and have no problem waiting until you're ready to meet them.
Granted I say this as an introvert who hates visitors, especially people I'm not close to. And I certainly did not want to 'show off' my tiny babies when they were at their most vulnerable and susceptible to illness (which they picked up from kisses from great grand aunt Marjory 🙄)

A new baby, marriages, engagements, funerals (sadly), these are all major milestones or extended family to reach out and keep the connection and show their care in the wider family context. How often do you reach out to these distant relatives? If no-one ever made an effort for the big family things then you will all loose touch - up to you really.

You sound like hard work OP!

Yes!

I've often felt duty bound to see an extended family members baby. It's kind of the done thing our huge extended family. We might hardly ever see eachother besides hatches, matches and dispatches. But there is love there so I think it's a nice thing to do.

It's not honestly something I've thought about.

I'm sure people visited me that hadn't contacted me during pregnancy, I didn't really keep tabs.

A new baby is a lifetime event that people often feel like they're expected to visit. They may not even want to! 'Can't wait for cuddles' is something people just say, even if they aren't really arsed. And if they're contacting you saying 'can't wait for cuddles' then they've been in touch?

I think it's nice if people want to see your baby. That means they are taking an interest in your life.

Just to add, I'm 3 months post partum

Why? We had visitors and took our baby to visit, babies are allowed to be with people it is normal

But what did they have to reach out in pregnancy? Why would it have made a difference the pregnancy

The world is getting more weird each day

Most people not immediately related to a baby don’t really give much of a shit, it’s just the done thing to pretend you’re excited

Exactly. When someone announces their pregnancy it's polite to say: "Congratulations! Can't wait to meet the little one". I don't imagine that these people that you seldom see or hear from are going to be beating down your door when the baby is born.

But by all means spend your time daydreaming about weaponizing your baby; it seems to be a favorite MN past time🙄

And then the visitors won’t bother and then op will be complaining that no one came to see the baby .

Well no if they hadn’t been in touch for over 9 months I wouldn’t be putting myself out to let them visit in the early weeks. Just say we will let you know when we are having visitors, and then don’t bother

Exactly this

Again you are missing the point.

It goes both ways. Being pregnant doesn't make you unable to make contact first.

100% this.

I loved all the visitors and I don't get the weird gatekeeping megalomania some people get about "meeting the baby". If you don't want people that's fine but I don't think they will care about it as much as you think they will.

Came to say exactly this!