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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say no to DSD coming on holiday

191 replies

Hatfrog99 · 17/05/2024 17:22

So DSD is 15 and quite frankly is hard work- is rude and argumentative to DH (never to me) and he Pandors to her. She doesn’t bother coming to stay or visit and turns down all meals out/ family days but says yes to holidays. This year she has sent DH an extensive list of clothes for holiday but has not come to our house for 7 weeks and only messages to see what he has bought off the list and add stuff.
i feel so used that she is not interested in seeing us and spending time with us unless it’s a holiday where she demands hundreds of pounds worth of clothes that she takes to her mums and we never see again. I have tonight told DH that unless this improves after holiday next month she will not be invited again- AIBU

OP posts:
Newbutoldfather · 17/05/2024 17:38

YABU in that it isn’t your call. You aren’t in your opinion, though.

Teens do grow up but the only way they grow into decent people is when they see healthy boundaries.

If you just want clothes and a holiday and no companionship, you shouldn’t get the clothes or the holiday.

StormingNorman · 17/05/2024 17:36

You shouldn’t have one child getting more than the rest so DH might have a word with her about the clothing.

On the surface, lots of teenagers don’t want anything from their parents except money but she could be a little more gracious about it.

She sounds like a little madam but not being invited on holidays is a BIG punishment. Maybe when you are away there will be time for you or DH to have a word with her that her behaviour isn’t acceptable. It will be easier to communicate well when you are all more relaxed.

Original poster
Hatfrog99 · 17/05/2024 17:35

Last holiday she would use pool or any facilities and wouldn’t even sit with us in the day and sat 10 sun loungers away.
her list of clothes includes a Canadian goose puffer jacket- for 35 degree holiday

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 17/05/2024 17:34

Most kids and teens need new clothes for
Holidays because they've grown out of last t years.

Most 15 year olds are annoying. They grow up past it.

When they are yours it isn't possible to refuse to have anything to do with them you just have to keep going and show them they belong and they turn into sensible adults eventually.

You aren't unreasonable per se but your kids will do this too.

HappyEater · 17/05/2024 17:33

Yanbu. He can take her away if he wants, but I stopped going away with DSC at about this age due to similar issues. Spoilt, rude, etc. What should have been a lovely holiday was a two-week long punishment; I wasn’t taking precious holidays from work for that.

AllAtSeaAgain · 17/05/2024 17:32

Haven't you posted this before? It's very familiar.

Zampa · 17/05/2024 17:32

She's 15. Suck it up for the next few years for the sake of the longer term relationship.

My DSCs are going through this stage and I'm sorely tempted to make zero effort on birthday/Christmas presents this year. However, I will take my own service and suck it up. They have until they're 25 to become nice humans again (they were great kids).

Lenoftheglen · 17/05/2024 17:31

Hatfrog99 · 17/05/2024 17:30

All the children are bought clothes but her list is the only contact she has has nothing else and it’s designer items that we never see again and then once holiday is over we don’t hear again

Then don't pander to it. Make sure she knows she is invited and leave it there.

DaisyChain505 · 17/05/2024 17:31

You’ll never get a sensible reply here OP as the non step parents will just jump on you and say what a wicked awful person you are.

Original poster
Hatfrog99 · 17/05/2024 17:31

We have tried taking her to her hobby and showing an interest and she called DH a swear word and banned him from going but said he could still pay

OP posts:
Original poster
Hatfrog99 · 17/05/2024 17:30

All the children are bought clothes but her list is the only contact she has has nothing else and it’s designer items that we never see again and then once holiday is over we don’t hear again

OP posts:
NoraLuka · 17/05/2024 17:29

She does sound like a pain in the arse but also, she’s 15 and some of them are like that. I think it would be very unreasonable to leave her out of a holiday at this age. If she was 18/19 that would be different.

I know this is far, far easier said than done but you need to try and find common ground with her, what is she interested in? Is there any way your DH/you could also show an interest so you build a relationship that doesn’t just consist of buying her stuff? It’s like when you watch Peppa pig or whatever with toddlers, you’re not watching it because you like it but because they do. It’s more difficult with teens because they’ll know if you’re faking interest!

bodminbeast · 17/05/2024 17:28

Oh ffs she's 15! Do you buy your son any clothes?

vanillaclouds · 17/05/2024 17:26

My parents always bought me new clothes for a holiday.
What's wrong with her having nice new clothes if she's going away?

Original poster
Hatfrog99 · 17/05/2024 17:26

Yes I have 2 DS and he has a DS also

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 17/05/2024 17:24

You can’t stop him going away with her but you can decline to join them. Are there other children involved?

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