To say no to DSD coming on holiday

don't Primark sell puffa jackets?

Also not sure why you say you never see the clothes and she takes them back to her mums. She's 15 do you expect her to keep them at yours and only wear there?

I don't think it's unusual for 15yos to no longer be interested in family days out a meals but still want to come on holiday. Re the clothes that's a dh issue isn't it.

I'd say no to items in the list such as a Canada goose jacket because that's clearly not for the holiday.
Set some boundaries.
I'd still invite her because this is what some 15 years olds can be like whether they are step children or biological children and as others have said they usually grow out of it and become lovely again.
I remember my own ds not leaving the hotel room until way after the lovely breakfast buffet then asking for a huge lunch when the rest of us were still full from breakfast and calling us unreasonable when we asked him to go to breakfast for 10.45am. He's a wonderful considerate adult now.

Its not fair to blame the child for the situation. Her parents are enabling bad behaviour. That is where your annoyance should be focused.

Really? I read it as OP has it in for her because she acts in selfish entitled way. It's not endearing behavior.

Lots of teenagers behave in a selfish entitled way. You seem to have it in for her because she is a step daughter.

One of the reasons schools struggle so much with behaviour these days is that a lot of parents have lost all perspective on teens.

One of the first teaching principles is ‘high expectations’. This means believing that teens can do well (including behaviour), being positive and encouraging, but also having strong boundaries and enforcing them.

Imagine a teen only coming to class occasionally when it interested them and then demanding special conditions when they did condescend to turn up. Sounds ridiculous, right? And there will be loads on here telling me it is a silly analogy-mainly because they can’t face the fact that believing teens are somehow special people who can behave appallingly with no consequences isn’t wrong.

If teens aren’t parented with high expectations and consequences, they don’t necessarily grow out of it. So many employers and managers on here have started threads about ridiculously entitled employees in their 20s who think start times are optional and enforcing deadlines is damaging their mental health.

My DSSs never acted like this. Many 15 year olds do not.

Personally I would offer to go on a shopping trip with either of you, or one of you. Or just give her an allowance for holiday clothes so she can go. Set a limit. Then the ball is in her court.

I'd also ignore behaviour such as sitting elsewhere. It's daft. Don't show it impacts you.

Swearing at you or whatever should be addressed as and when it happens. Then move on. Set boundaries. Apply them. Move on. Make sure she has the choices. Pick your battles.

Agree.
Tbh i would say your husband needs to say, no designer gear but you can have clothes. Id invite her on holiday...its hard being a stepkid..you also dont know what her mums saying also shes a teenager, at 15 i didn't want to be stuck next to parents on holiday ...eugh...its not cool. Just be kind to her but youve every right to pull her up kindly that its not acceptable.

This!

15 year olds can be hard work, that’s normal.

It would be unkind of you not to include her in holidays with her own dad and half siblings. She is their family.

The sitting separately is rude - though not wildly outwith stroppy teen behaviour - and I would tell her. The list of wants would get sent back with a 🤣🤣🤣 and told she can have x budget for holiday clothes to buy herself, or on a specific shopping trip with you . Take it or leave it!!

Not really relevant, but who buys their DC15 a Canadian Goose coat?
I have a nearly 15 year old and an older teen and they have never once asked for any designer gear. I got my arse handed to me once on here for saying I bought my DC things from normal high street shops and was told my kids weren’t wearing the latest stuff.

I think you need to take your DSD to family counselling. That would be much better value for money than some coat that was actually designed for climbing Everest.

This is exactly what I was going to say.

Honestly I have two DDs and while they've never been quite so entitled, they'd definitely have tried it on at certain points. Especially in your situation.
Don't turn it into a battle. Speak with your DH and suggest he handles it better.

DSD will hopefully improve with maturity and boundaries, he's her Dad, he needs to set those boundaries and can laugh off things like the CG jacket...

Just tell dsd she has x amount to spend on holiday clothes- same as the other clothes and once it's gone it's gone! And get your do to say if she is coming on a family holiday she needs to spend time with the family- not be rude and not sit with the family! But also do allow her some alone time

Tell your husband that he needs to spend the same amount of money on all of his children for this holiday. He needs to treat all the children fairly. Might make him rethink the expensive coat and all the other designer items.

All of this including, excluding is a red herring.

What is your dh doing to improve the relationship and to get his dd to school? Everything else is periphery and will naturally slot into place if he can address these two things.

It sounds as though the girl’s basic needs aren’t being met and allowing a 15 year old to ban you from an activity is telling her that no one is looking out for her. Teens may pretend they are grown up and push a lot against their parents. Ultimately they do this because they want to feel the boundaries. These are what makes them feel safe. The fact that her mother has created none means she will be doubly difficult with her father in the attempt to create some.

I also imagine her mother has not helped and possibly hindered the relationship but ultimately he is also the girl’s dad and responsible for maintaining a relationship with his child. And at 15 she is very much a child. For reference, my dd is the same age.

Your dh needs to put serious effort into this. The girl is being failed and is getting zero education. He should be paying for therapy for himself and her if she will go to bolster him and help him understand where he can improve things. Idk if some kind of parenting classes would help him too.

In the late my term it's in your best interests to be as welcoming and inclusive as you can be. Your step daughter is a teenager and will not always be like this.

Presumably the other children are given a limit or bought appropriate items needed for the holiday.

So offer that - 'heres £X for summer holiday clothing - we're going to Y so bring appropriate clothing, there won't be any more provided if you buy the wrong things.'

And he needs to tell her, she behaves appropriately on holiday, or she doesn't go again. That means being polite to one another and showing at least some interest in some of whats going on. If she wants to sit by herself most of the time, fair enough but she can't be rude and completely disengaged if she wants another holiday.

I don't think it is reasonable for her DF to refuse to take her without warning, or refuse to fund some holiday clothes if the other kids are getting that... but some rules and boundaries would be very reasonable!

It the age. I had this to the extent that I now limit my holidays with the dc )cost of living helps here!).
it would be better to either decline to go on holiday or have a chat with your dh about expectations for basic behaviour on holiday.

You can’t stop her from coming, she's his DD! It's none of your business

Sorry, now I see that they are not half, but step-siblings. Question still stands.

I love the PPs who mentioned giving the teen a certain amount of money for her to buy her clothes with. I think she figures she will get more by giving/demanding a list to be filled. At 15, she doesn't need a whole new wardrobe for every holiday.

Perhaps, it would be good for your husband to take his daughter on a holiday by themselves and you take your son's on a holiday, just you three. You can always take a holiday with just your husband at another time and cut all the holidays down to long weekends so you can afford all three.