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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think everyone has some mean girl in them?

41 replies

StillNoSense · 17/05/2024 14:48

I'm a victim of mean girls, have been at school and later on in life.

Sometimes though I think mean things about them and about other people though I don't do anything about it, I don't treat them mean. I might just think they are annoying or that colour doesn't do anything for them or I just don't like them but I'd never verbalise it.

AIBU thinking that everybody does this to some degree however small and to say they don't is disingenuous,

OP posts:
IvyGrippedtheSteps · 17/05/2024 16:01

There’s nothing ‘mean’ about not liking someone, OP. What on earth gave you that idea? And it’s perfectly valid to have an opinion on someone’s haircut — it’s only unpleasant if you vocalise it. I don’t have any ‘mean girl’ in me, no. I find other people terribly interesting, and I’m certainly capable of extreme cuttingness when provoked, but generally I think people are doing their best.

Fraaahnces · 17/05/2024 16:00

I didn’t think that I did until recently. I had recently returned from years living in a different country and had some dinner with some friends from high school. We were recognised by the class bully. I had no idea who she was, and once she got over that shock, she introduced herself as “an Alpha Female”… I nearly wet my pants laughing and when I caught my breath, I said, “I’m so sorry… That sounds utterly exhausting!” and kept laughing.

itsgoingtobeabumpyride · 17/05/2024 15:54

Everyone thinks mean things sometimes but as long as it doesn't accidentally come out of your mouth then you're fine!
I've never been coldly mean to anyone, I have to be pushed then I can properly lose my temper and when I blow, I blow

GalileoHumpkins · 17/05/2024 15:49

Unless you're in a room full of psychics I wouldn't worry about it.

SnapdragonToadflax · 17/05/2024 15:32

Of course everyone has mean thoughts. It's how you behave that matters.

KreedKafer · 17/05/2024 15:31

Oh, of course everyone's got a mean girl inside them. Anyone who says they've never had a mean thought about anyone is a massive liar.

There's nothing wrong at all with having an inner mean girl. It's when people let their inner mean girl out that it becomes a problem.

I also think that's it perfectly OK to express your inner mean girl in a private conversation with someone else when there is no chance of that ever getting back to the person you're talking about. My DP recently mentioned a mutual colleague of ours to me as 'Just sitting there passively like a fucking blancmange' which was obviously extremely mean (although also funny, to be fair) but neither of us would ever have said that to our colleague, or even about him to anyone else, and no harm has been done.

Comedycook · 17/05/2024 15:29

I suppose but self awareness is crucial. So let's say I see a woman in the street in what I consider is an awful outfit or awful hairstyle/make up...I cannot pretend to myself that I'm not thinking that looks terrible. Thing is though I recognise it's none of my dam business and wouldn't treat her badly because of it.

SweetLittlePixie · 17/05/2024 15:26

I think its normal to have mean thoughts. Wht makes someone a ‘mean girl’ is voicing these thoughts and actively bullying someone, not stuff you think in your head.

MysweetAudrina · 17/05/2024 15:22

You have very little control, if any, over your thoughts and emotions. You can however learn to control your behaviour and how you respond to your thoughts and emotions.

Dearg · 17/05/2024 15:14

I think this is totally normal; perhaps it’s a way of processing something you observed which didn’t sit quite right.
As long as you don’t act mean, don’t worry about it.

Hotttchoc · 17/05/2024 15:10

Yes I think this is normal op

Dont beat yourself up

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 17/05/2024 15:07

I would never say everyone with something like this because we don’t actually know what is going on in people’s heads, maybe many people don’t. But what you are describing is very normal. I certainly do it.

Illegally18 · 17/05/2024 14:58

TomeTome · 17/05/2024 14:57

Top tip, inside your head you can think WHATEVER you like.

Exactly!

TomeTome · 17/05/2024 14:57

Top tip, inside your head you can think WHATEVER you like.

Original poster
StillNoSense · 17/05/2024 14:56

TomeTome · 17/05/2024 14:49

Everyone has opinions and not all of them are worth sharing or kind to share.

Yes that is what I mean. I've tied myself in knots feeling a cow for thinking things.

OP posts:
TomeTome · 17/05/2024 14:49

Everyone has opinions and not all of them are worth sharing or kind to share.